Long Distance Online Relationship? Will this ever work?

Hi, and thanks for taking time to look at my post. This isn't really a question but more reaching out for opinions.
Back in January I started playing minecraft, ladida, made some friends over the game etc (lets skip the boring part that lasts 5 months to June.) I was eventually invited to play on a small server with a few new people I hadn't gamed with before. I quickly became really good friends with this guy and regularly played on the server with him, often flirting or joking around etc. Our mutual friend pointed out she thought we liked eachother and ended up with him asking me out about 3 weeks after meeting. I declined with the reason that i didn't know him well enough and wanted to actually be able to talk (via teamspeak or skype) before anything happened. However, I have social and phone anxiety, so talking to people isn't exactly my forte. Skip to October, and we have pretty much started having this relationship online, just without talking because I am still super axious for no reason and he also isn't so keen on talking. Our online relationship is pretty much exactly how a normal relationship would be when not around eachother. He recently moved to university 3 hours away from where i am, which is 2 hours more than it had been before he went. I desperatly want to break the 'purely chat' relationship we have and bring it to talking or the real world, but my anxiety is preventing me from doing that and every time i think i have the courage to do it i end up backing out last minute.
So, to clear up, i am in an online relationship with this guy, we haven't used out voices to talk purely chat, we are just over a year age gap (im 17, he's 18), none of our parents know, and now there is an even longer distance between us than there was, yet i physically and emotionally can't bring myself to talk.
All i need is someone to just put an opinion on where they think this is going or if i should just abandon it full stop.
Thanks for taking the time to


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly I doubt very much anything serious will come out of it, especially since youve only spoken through text?

    That being said, since you have so much anxiety and you are really unexperienced I can see this kinda being like practice for you, like learning to talk with guys etc.

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    • In a way, yes it is kinda learning to talk to guys. As well as having anxiety, i also see myself as a demisexual, meaning i don't find people sexually attractive until a deep emotional bond is formed beforehand.
      And yes, indeed i am inexperienced. This would be the first time I've seen a guy as anything more than a friend so i guess that would add on top to the anxiety which in a way makes it a little worse.
      An upside to the situation though, is that the university i plan to go to (completely out of coincidence, luckily) is only about half an hour to an hour away from where he will e so if it does work out at least we won't be too far.
      Thanks for your opinion it really helps getting different perspectives on my situation

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend and have been for almost 11 months now. He's in Sweden and I'm in Canada. I won't lie to you, LDRs are really hard, but they CAN work and they DO (I've seen it). It just requires a ton of patience and keeping in constant contact (and I really mean constant). When you're far away from each other, even an hour without talking seems like a year.

    Talking is really important (with voices and camera), so as soon as you can start, the better. I was really anxious too at first but I eased into it slowly and eventually talking to him became as natural as breathing. I should also note that I have extreme social anxiety, so if I can do it, you can too. What we did to get comfortable was make funny sounds to make each other laugh, then started describing random things in our rooms, then eventually we were having long-winded discussions about basically anything and everything. With cameras, it is more nerve-wracking, but it really helps to close off that distance, at least for a little while.

    You guys can play games together on Skype, talk about your day or even just talk to them while you're doing homework or something. Hell, my boyfriend and I even sleep with our cameras on to simulate the feeling of being beside each other. You should also make plans to visit sometime because that will help bring it all to reality. If you need any more advice, feel free to send me a message and I'd be glad to help. Good luck! xx

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What Guys Said 11

  • Lemme tell you a story. I met her in an international program back in 2012. (look at my age now and do the math.) We started out as colleagues and occasionally chat via Skype about some report we have to submit regarding the program. It just stayed that way until the date of submission that we started out to like unwind and contact each other in leisure without the actual idea of work in mind.
    After sometime the usual nicknames we gave each other changed into something and more intimate and up till now we are still contacting. We took the initiative to actually meet in their own country. (She would come to Malaysia and I would go to Australia) at a set interval. It was my turn in 2013, (I visited her and stayed for about two weeks). She went to visit me last year and now, ya my turn.
    As for your social anxiety, all I can say is this. Don't force yourself. It would hurt (like a lot). take baby steps, if he loves you, then he would wait for you and understand as best as he can. Don't leave him in the dark though, if you know what's best for you. What's important in LDR for my own perspective is LOYALTY and TRUST. So keep your hopes up and keep striving forwards.
    -how can people see your beauty if you keep them cooped up?- XD

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  • Your social anxiety is standing in the way for now so until you can get that under control than nothing serious will happen ( No offense) .. You may want try to do Skype but if your parents is stopping you from doing this cause they don't allow it then respect them but if they don't mind or don't care then work on the anxiety problem you have.
    You can't say a relationship won't work long distance but from where your at now i don't see it going any where at this time maybe either you or the guy got take that big step to make things work between you two if he doesn't make the move i don't see it working i just think your battling
    lot of anxiety maybe you got lot of shyness too.

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  • 3 hours isn't that far away to be honest, try half way across the nation or world then we'll talk about true long distance. That being said if your both committed to making it work it is completely doable, telling your parents will probably be the hardest part though.

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  • Firstly, Paragraphs for the love of God!

    Secondly, get to know each other more. Talk to him, make sure he is who he says he is!

    Thirdly, yes long distance relationships work out but that doesn't mean yours will. Assuming he's real and you get to know each other, if you work on it it can work out!

    Fourthly, see how I used paragraphs?

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  • It lacks the ingredients to actually be a relationship.

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  • It's possible if you plan to live together somehow some day. Just keep in contact. :)

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    • We are still only young adults, so i don't see us living together any time in the near future lol. However, as i said in another reply, we are happening to go to uni's not too far away from each other which i guess helps

  • I mean you met him on a minecraft server so yea

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  • It can work, but are you willing to wait?

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  • It mostly doesn't work. I tried that when I was younger with a girl that lived far away from me. It was great in the beggining but later as things get more serious you want to see and touch the person... and not being able to do that is frustrating.
    I advise you to stop it and find someone in real life.

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  • If you're more than about a 30-minute drive away from each other and that's not likely to change within the next few months, I don't see how it's going to work.

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  • Ever hear of shrodingers cat

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    • yes but i don't see what it has to do with this?

    • Show All
    • It's about the cat being alive and dead at the same time

    • And I mostly just used it to set up the situation then for the science of it

What Girls Said 11

  • I met my current partner on a game too, and we only communicated online for the first year.

    Online relationships can work as long as they don't stay online forever. We were both very happy in the time before we met in person, but the closer our hearts got, the more we missed each other, and there were times that were very hard.

    You'll need to see each other on Webcam eventually. If your anxiety is preventing you from using Skype right away, you could try recording videos for each other and sending them in an email. My partner and I were friends for a while before we decided to try taking our relationship further, and once in a while we would put funny videos for each other in a dropbox.

    If this guy is someone you can see yourself with for a long time, don't give up right away! Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart, but if you really love someone, you will always find ways to deal with it. If it seems like you are always sad or upset because of the distance, then it might be time to rethink things, but if you are happy, then just keep being happy!

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    • Oh God I never thought of making a video. My boyfriend wants to video chat but I just feel really nervous about it. This'll really help.

  • Well, in theory, it can work two ways: As nothing more than an online relationship or if you finally make the leap into reality and actually like each other once physical appearances/real life quirks and flaws are realized.

    Now whether or not meeting this guy is going to bear fruit, you won't ever know if you don't work towards it. If you don't even know what this guy looks like and don't know who he is when it's face to face, then all it's ever going to be is this chat relationship you're engaged in until either of you is no longer satisfied with that.

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  • I'm sorry i read some of it here and there. all ill say is this. it will work if u both strongly believe it can. making that decision on its own is a tough one, so id really take more time to get to know him. in all honesty, 3 hours isn't really much of a distance anyway. u could easily make that work if ur both up for it.

    however, telling ur parents and all that isn't easy, so u gotta decide if this guy is worth taking that risk just yet.

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  • This is interesting because I am in a very similar situation. I've had an online thing with this guy for a few months and I haven't really told anybody the extent of it. I also have some social anxiety so I totally understand that. So I'll tell you what I plan on doing with my own situation. I'm just gonna go for it. Eventually when we have the chance to hang out because he's away right now. And actually I told him I have anxiety about stuff and now we both kinda make jokes whenever I am in one of my anxious situations. It helps. For you, I know it's hard but I'm gonna tell you just to get for it. You don't want your anxiety to stop you from possibly pursuing a real relationship. You need to defeat the anxiety.

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  • I know anxiety is a pain I suffer from it too. But you just have to do it no matter how much your body is shaking, if you don't you will never know how much potential there could be. So give him a call or Skype, make sure he is who he says he is first then arrange to meet up.

    I've been in a long distance relationship and it didn't work out but we lived about a 10 hr drive away from each other. And had many many issues.

    But 3 hrs is nothing at all you could even do a meet half way thing.

    Also a good idea if you haven't already is to tell him about your anxiety issue. It will make it a lot easier on yourself when he knows why you coukd be acting strange...

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  • Maybe you can try using voice first instead of video chat. I know how you feel it's scary as fuck. I rmb my first time doing voice first. then eventually i moved to Skype. not gonna lie, scary. but once you find something to talk about , joke and laugh. all is well. I mean think of it as a stepping stone. how long are you gg to continue this purely chat thing? Eventually you have to meet each other irl once it get serious. If you both are not serious about this relationship then break it off. it's either you're in or out, there's not maybe.

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  • Long distance relationships are really hard (in one, and have been for a year now) but they can work if you communicate well and stay committed. I think it's about time you guys Skype. I have social anxiety too, it's how I met my partner, but we pushed through it because we love each other and it's honestly dangerous if you don't really know who you're meeting. He could be completely different from who he says he is. I would do it in baby steps but start with talking through mic on Skype for a few minutes maybe a few times a week and work your way up to video calling.

    What I did personally was group calls so it wasn't so awkward and one on one. I felt like I could blend into the background and talk when I wanted to. So if you have friends online you feel comfortable skyping with, you could do that.

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  • No long distance does not work unless you both want it to work!

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  • I think long distance relationships can work only if u have been with the person physically before, because, otherwise, how are you supposed to trust that person? Specially if you talk just by text since there is time to think on what you want to say, so everyone can give a good impression.

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    • True i've been told the same thing, I just met someone awhile back and only had a few meetings but she had to go back, so it didn't really make sense to have that relationship unless we had spent a great deal of time together physically to trust each other

    • @SomeHopeLeft yeah I think is very hard to build something real by text

  • No they don't. You do not know what they are up to because you do not see them on a regular basis. And do not know what they are up to and what kind of life they lead.

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  • It won't work for very long if you don't speak to him or see him.

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