Is it a good idea to date "less attractive" and/or less experienced guys if I want a serious realtionship?

Even though im still young, i have learn a lot about mysellf, other people and dating.

Long story short i have learned:

- its more to people/guys then their looks
- ift a guy treats me right the fact that he isn't 5'11 and muscular shouldn't be important
- Attractions can grow over time, and you rarely adore people after the first two meetings
- more often young guys aren't interested in relationship

Casual relationship doesn't appeal to me, and even though a relationship is a lot of work, im willing to work for it. I have tried for 2-3 years now to date "less attractive" guys if you like. So they are basically guys that i find "kinda cute" and date because a part of me belives that guys that dont have girls approaching them often and maybe isn't used to a lot of female attention might apprichiate me more and would be more then often be interested in something serious.

I have a date with "that type" of guy tomorrow, but i always second guess it because im not sure if its a good idea to go on dates with guys who i only find "kinda cute".. If im looking for a serious relatinship is this the right approach? is it good to give less attractive guys a chance?

by the way when i say less attractive i dont mean ugly, i just mean that they are about average


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Most Helpful Guy

  • After being screwed over bad several times by girls, I no longer seek materialistic qualities in people. If someone is average looking and is a kind, caring person, they are more attractive to me than the drop dead hot blonde girl. Moral of the story is if you want stability and hopefully a longer term relationship, then yes try less physically attractive people and less experienced. Just keep in mind though these people are probably gonna be more shy and you can't always expect them to make the move and you sit back. If you got more experience with dating then they do, you might have to show them the ropes a little bit. I really think effort in dating in relationships and dating should be shared 50/50. But still a lot of girls sit back and expect the man to make 100% of the effort.

    I'm sort ve one of those guys that your talking about here although im decently attractive, I honestly don't get a lot of girl. Reason being, although I'm 25, I'm still inexperienced and I'm shy and sometimes too nice. I know how to respect women and treat them good, but I don't know how to act around women when first meeting them. So it's hard for me to get anything off the ground with anyone. When things have gotten off the ground were with girls who actually made an effort and people I felt comfortable around. They also showed what they liked and didint like and basically what girls do and don't like. Not all guys are educated on this!

    But, in short , go for it. But, it's gonna be different and you might have to step up to the plate more. But, I think it's very mature of you to add some thought into who you date because most people just go on impulse which is usually just physical attraction alone and you end up with the wrong people when you develop feelings for them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Eh, I can see where you're coming from and why you might feel that way. I think I felt very similarly when I was in high school and college. But now, I feel more and more like you shouldn't compromise what you want and 'settle' (so to speak) just to have someone/a relationship.

    I dated several guys that were not traditionally 'gorgeous' or whatever... Still decent looking guys. But what I found was that I had not only settled for less attractive guys, but they weren't even really the best match for me - personality/relationship - wise.

    I guess what I'm saying is, try not to pursue romantic relationship just for the sake of having a relationship or just because they're interested in you. There will be guys eventually that you will be extremely attracted to - physically and mentally/emotionally.. And the right guys will be attracted to you, too.

    I also felt, when I was in high school and college, that all of the guys my age pursued more casual encounters and none were that interested in relationships... I ended up dating older guys for a while because of that... Which I would also advise against. If I could tell my younger self these things, I probably would.

    For me, it didn't happen til almost 23.

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    • makes sense and i completly see where you're comming from.. Maybe the fact that i really want a relationship have made me think like this...

      maybe im just a bit inpatient, but the thing is that i really belive that there is more to a person then their looks. After moving and meeting my guy friend i realised that. he's short and chubby, not really "tradionally" attractive person, and when i didn't really get a great first impression of him. But after getting to know him i started to like (as a friend) him a lot, we have a lot of fun togheter and he is a great guy. So after that i stoped being so "shallow" in lack of a better word, and trying to get to know people.. I feel like that kidna transelates into how i think when it comes to dating... Unless there isn't a fiber in my body that find him attractive i feel like he desveres a chance, assuming he sint an asshole ofc..
      Maybe i date less attractive guys because it makes me feel in more control (really attractive people make me feel insecu

    • Yeah, I agree... Looks aren't everything. You'll certainly come across some very attractive jerks, and people that you might not find traditionally attractive can have a lot to offer as well.

      It's definitely worth it to go on a date with a guy if you think it would be enjoyable or you think there's some potential there, regardless of what they look like. That's how you get to know people and understand better what you're looking for or what you want from a guy.

      Assholes come in all varieties though, and so do nice guys. Just make sure you're having fun and enjoying the person you're with, and don't feel like you need to settle.

What Guys Said 22

  • Well here it is again , beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you may find as average as you stated may be butt ugly to the lady on you left while the lady on the right may think this guy is hot chit. All that should matter is how you see them. If a woman treats me well , her physical appearances are less important to me. In time pretty will fall away and we will all be average add a little more time and we are the ones younger people are calling ugly. In the end choose who makes you feel good

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  • People tend to date members of the opposite sex who are about equal to them on the scale of attractiveness.

    I think the strategy of dating guys who you find semi-attractive, or even less than that... to be unwise.

    But then again... it's confusing... you say you're dating "average" guys. Nothing wrong with that. I have found "average" women to be some of the hottest women on the planet. So I would expect the inverse to be likely the same.

    Eh... try it out, I suppose. If you find an "average" guy that you really find yourself getting "in to" once you've known him a bit... that's fine.

    I wouldn't shut good looking guys out though. You can still go out with them - just don't sleep with them until you know they are made up of the kind of "commitment stuff" you're looking for. If he's the right kind of guy - he'll belay the sex in accordance with your wishes. If not... lose him or consider it good riddance when he walks away from you.

    Just relax - it will happen in it's own due time.

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  • There are several factors: it depends on how attractive you are and what age do you want to settle down. Most women settle down with the nice guy or pointdexters because they provide a level of stability and security while those bad boys continue to go wild.

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    • Bad boys don't continue to go wild. They just have a ridiculously specific standard for the female they want to settle with.

    • A lot of them are starting to not settle.

  • I don't think that's a good idea. How do you think those guys would feel if they knew that you were dating them only because they were "safe" and you didn't truly find them attractive. Honestly if they knew why you were dating them specifically they'd be upset and probably leave so you could potentially have a relationship but right from the start you'd always have this secret you're keeping from them.

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  • Those sorts of men are called "beta providers."

    You're essentially going for the men that'll look after you and treat you right because you're giving them the attention.

    For the sake of their naive dignity, stick to the attractive guys, cause the unattractive/less experienced ones won't know any better and will be crushed when you get bored with them and leave (and you WILL get bored with them).

    I'm honestly not saying this to be patronising, I'm saying this to save you trouble down the line. After viewing it 2nd-hand and having to console multiple crying friends, you WILL do this and this WILL happen.

    Besides, you can still find attractive guys that you can also get into a relationship with, not every handsome/fit guy is gonna pump you and dump you.

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  • I don't know what the best approach is or whether it matters at all, but I kinda think both should be of similar attractiveness. Otherwise there will always be some tension either from inside or outside the relationship.

    That being said, I believe your motive for being with an average looking guy might be wrong, if it's just for that. If you truly like him, sure go for it. But if you only want to be with him out of some abstract considerations about his future behavior based on his looks, that sounds pretty fucked up to me.

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    • i guess you're right.. i dont know.. i dont know anything anymore.. i just want someone to like me D:

  • You are free to date guys that meet your lofty goals; tall AF, muscular, nice to you, handsome, more than meets the eye, and looking for long term. But, you may find them hard to come by, so you might date guy after guy, only to break it off rather quickly, or have your heart broken, but eventually you'll find one. Or go single for a while, because it isn't that hard to weed these characteristics out of them before actually dating. Try working around where you think this type of guy might work. Not with him, you never want to date your coworkers, but nearby, that's where many long term relationships are found, and you've got a constantly rotating pool.
    Or you could relax on a qualification or two, date around and hope for the best. That's where you'll be surprised.
    But lowering your expectations in general, and hoping to have your mind changed, not a good game plan

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  • I'll say this: girls your age tend to have unrealistic expectations for guys. Y'all tend to want a guy to fulfill a laundry list of qualities that no guy can match. So you find a guy who's tall and built but isn't a comedian. Dealbreaker. Or, you find a guy who's hilarious but short and fat. Dealbreaker. Or, you find a guy who's extremely handsome and rich, but cold as a reptile and potentially a serial killer. Dealbreaker, but you still date him for 6 months.

    The point I'm trying to make is that yes, it's probably a good idea for you to re-evaluate what you want in a guy. The guy you really want, the tall, muscular, outgoing, and confident man, has women throwing themselves at him and isn't interested in settling down with you. Why would he settle with any woman when he can get pussy so easily? Now, a guy like that might settle down when he's 45, but only after he's had his fun. So yes, if you commitment, you have to be willing to treat with the guys who want the same.

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    • none of what you said had anything to do with her question. you're either projecting or sexist. probably both.

    • @Azara You have poor reading comprehension. I addressed her question with great erudition, which is likely the reason you failed to understand it.

  • So basically your forcing yourself to settle

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    • well its not setteling if i only go on one date with them.. if there is no chemistry after the first or second date im out...

  • It's okay to date people you're physically attracted to.

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    • well the thing is that im not super attracted to them, they aren't unattractive, if that makde sense

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    • i dont.. its not that i dont think i can't get more attractive guys, its more than i realise that looks aren't evrything and if they respect me and treat me right, looks aren't the most important.. so thats why im open to date guys im not necessarly really attracted to, because i know there is more to a person that looks.. im not limiting myself by any means ^^

    • I guess if you can fall in love with someone unattractive to you, that's a good thing.

  • I personally wouldn't date a girl below a 7 and I'm bakd from a condition, however I pull it off and want something real only so looks do factor

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  • I don't understand why you bitches don't just go on as many dates as you get invited to and just see how it goes from there.

    Like seriously, you have better things to do than have a random adventure?

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  • and make sure they have the same moral and values you do, or if you have little, then find a guy with more. like 2 timothy says: and from these turn away. 6 From among these arise men who slyly work their way into households and captivate weak women loaded down with sins, not trying to push religion here, but i've seen it happen, and i don't want those men to twist my words.

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  • You date who you are attracted to, those that hate can sit-n-spin.

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  • I think you're taking the right approach. In a long term relationship, the handsome guy won't be handsome for too long, anyway.

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  • Well you are assuming you are just as attractive to him. Maybe you are a side girl.

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    • what do you mean? and maybe i am, but im not going to go around with the mind set that every guy im seeing might already have a girlfriend and he only wants to fuck me.. thats a really depressing way to think about dating

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    • i know.. like i said.. i do it too

    • That's nasty I bet you spread STDs too

  • Dated girl who was not pretty to me, no changes at all I am not going to do that again.
    Result= a persons personality is not defined by a persons attractiveness

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  • As you get older you realize it's more about personality than looks. If you go for someone who lacks the qualities that you're looking for, you will never be satisfied.

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  • You should be dating whoever you want, not what other people want.

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  • I'm what you'd call an unattractive guy. I'm 6'1" and weigh 245 lbs, but I honestly don't think I look my weight. Trust me guys like me do want relationships not just sex like the super attractive guys.

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  • The fuck? Don't settle, ever. You're going to regret it if you settle. I promise.

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    • Im talking about a date or two.

  • Now you're getttttting it, good job

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    • thanks? haha

      by the way any advice on how to really show interest? because i feel like i do, but in reality i think i hust send a lot of mix signals... i dont know..

    • What do you do

What Girls Said 13

  • I applaud you for your decision.

    Don't, however, discount someone who is interested in you because he is too good looking. My current boyfriend is amazingly hot and dedicated to me; it really ultimately is about finding that guy who is on the same page as you regarding relationships, no matter what he looks like.

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    • ofc, im nto saying that all hot guys are assholes.. but the truth is that realy attrractive guys have more girls after them.. and i lose pretty much any confidence around hot guys because i feel like they wouldn't go for me.. so i would never show an really attractive guy that im interested because im 99% sure he won't be interested.. i know that its not necessarly reality, but thats how i feel when i meet a really cool and attractive guy

    • I do feel you. Something about super attractive people makes us all bundles of insecurity. After nearly 9 months with this guy, I have to talk myself off the ledge every now and then although he has never given me a reason to doubt him.

      Stay strong in yourself; you will find your perfect combination of looks and personality!

  • Is it a good idea to date "less attractive" and/or less experienced guys if I want a serious realtionship?
    Possibly if you mean ugly/repulsive when you state less attractive.

    Most guys do not have gals approaching them and infidelity, domestic violence, etc statistics suggest being more appreciative isn't the standard. So to me it falls flat that your reasoning is the kind of cute guys will be more appreciative because they don't get approached.

    For you to get that kind of treatment it seems you'd have to be signficantly more attractive than the guy. Studies show guys are more helpful, attentive, patient, giving, appreciative, etc when their partner is more attractive versus her being less or equally attractive.

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  • You make good points. Looks are important, but having hang ups on looks while the other important aspects are great may mean you miss out on something amazing. I'd say it doesn't hurt to keep an open mind to people who you find attractive but less so than others. They may make up for it in other ways that may mean more to what you want in a relationship.

    Being in my mid 20s, I've learned... what I really want is a good guy. If I am attracted enough to him, other non-physical features can amplify the attraction and that sounds more satisifying to me.

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  • Attractiveness doesn't always necessarily mean that they'll be assholes. Quite often you have some guys who looked ugly/unattractive in their school years and then puberty hit them and they became hella attractive but they still shy and quiet and respectful.
    You can also have some average looking nasty assholes and some below average bitter rude guys. Their respect to you or want to have a relationship is not always about how attractive they are.
    But of course, you can always give average guys a chance, why not? But DO NOT have the expectation that they'll treat you right and want a relationship.

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    • well ofc... i dont expect it necessarly.. i guess its more wishful thinking...

  • there's nothing healthy about intentionally settling. you'll both have resentment for different reasons. and its unfair to him bc you're exploiting his vulnerabilities. its unfair to you bc you are devaluing yourself.

    it doesn't mean a guy you are only mildly attracted to is actually less valuable. its about the fact you feel; like its less than what you wanter. your undermining your own interests. on purpose. in hopes you can manipulate a person intro staying.

    just do whaT PEOPLE DOPL. TAKLE RISKS WITH PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY WANT. THATS LIFE. YOU NEVER KNOW BUT WHATS THE POINT IF YOU DONT TRY.

    :)

    sorry caps unintentional.

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  • All that matters in a serious relationship is if you're both committed. Worrying about looks & all that is just going to let you down. If you want a serious relationship, you gotta find a guy that also wants one with you too. Unfortunately you can't just make a sign saying "I want a serious relationship" & Mr. Perfect comes right up to you, living happily ever after. When you date a guy, when that time comes, let him know if or when you get serious about it. If he feels the same or has told you before you did, then go for it. Looks has nothing to do with that. Its what you & he feel for each other. Let your heart guide you bur don't forget to also use your head (if he turns out to be a douche then leave him. Dont put up with crap from anyone) Best to ya! :)

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  • Its expected for women to look beyond looks whilst unnatractive men can still expect attractive women.

    I don't agree. You can't have full hot sex with personality. You can have good sex, but wouldn't you want your husband to appeal to your eyes as well as your soul?

    Looks aren't actually a big deal as its all relative, as long as you have a connection and its the right time.. Two people can fall in love.

    And don't be worried about other women finding your guy attractive, he is used to the attention even before you. The fact he chooses to be in a relationship with you is a big compliment as he has so much "choice".

    I still look at my boyfriend and think of how many women like him, but it just makes me feel lucky. They don't love him as much as I do, they don't know him like I do. Attractive people are just as loyal if you both put in the effort.

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  • Personally, I don't think anyone should date another person if they consider them "less attractive".
    There are plenty of people out there that you will find attractive, that maybe is that "unattractive" person... for other people. I know that to be true for me. Me and my friend's taste couldn't differ more.

    Now... for me, I always go after the guy I'm the most attracted to because I want my love life to be passionate. If you don't mind losing some passion, it is possible to be happy with guys you... sorta-like... I did that when I was younger. And certainly, a lot of people do. Especially when they decide they want to "settle down".

    But do I think you'll ever truly feel fulfilled/challenged/excited by doing so? No.

    It's really up to you. No one can make that choice for you, or advise you better than yourself.

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  • Well, keep dating. You'll eventually find "the one". I don't date people who I'm not attracted to in terms of physical appearance. Guys who are not that good looking do ask me out just a few times. I rejected. They have to keep courting me till I accept, till I get to know them better as friends. If I find that they have a nice personality I would go for it.

    Same for physical appearance. If they're super attractive but turns out to be a douche bag. I'm outta here. It took me so long to be in my first relationship bc most of the guys were attractive but douche. I knew that and escaped. Was single for 21 years. I met my guy online. Some people create the "checklist" in their head. But as they grew older, their checklist begins to shrink. Whatever was on their list don't matter anymore. (height, nice body, rich etc.) because the world is a cruel place and in the end all they want is love. That is why sometimes you see some couple don't match, in terms of physical appearance.

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    • Its not like im not attracted to them, its just that i dont feel the tingle down stairs when i see their picture... maybe im inpatient... who know...

    • It just means you don't have any connection yet. you're trying to find that deep connection.

  • Well it's up to you to decide if you really want to be with someone who isn't attractive to you... To be honest it seems a little desperate. I know everyone is different but personally I could never be with someone I wasn't attracted to. And treating me right? That's one of the basics! EVERYONE should be treating me right - attractive or not. I wouldn't be with someone just because he's "nice"! What's the point of that? It would be like dating a friend... To each his own of course but I suggest you figure out why you're so desperate to be in a relationship that you're willing to settle for guys you're not even attracted to just because they're nice to you. Why not find a guy who treats you right but who you're also attracted to?

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    • I think you misunderstood, when I say "less attractive " I Just mean that they aren't super good looking, they are average I guess.. I dont mean that they are unattractive. . Its just that I dont turn my head when I see them on the street

  • Do what ever your tells you because it knows what you want.

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  • I say who ever treats you right and makes you happy and seems to be there for you though the hard times then he's worth it no matter what he looks like

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  • I don't think you should date a "less attractive" guy just because you feel bad for them he can be hot as hell or not very cute, doesn't matter as long as you actually like the guy, or think you might like him. You don't want to lead guys on, so if they're less attractive and you feel bad for them maybe get to know them as friends first?

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