Do you believe that monogamy could be a myth?

Do you believe that monogamy could be a myth? I never met two people personally that really worked out! Other than t. v, books, and the internet I just don't see it working. Have you met any couples personally that's made through all the years together?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • most of the people that work out are usually the biggest cheaters on both sides, my friends 10 year relationship him and his girl have both cheated on each other multiple times, a mother I know is always getting cheated on but she stays with the man, you gotta understand people like sin that's not gonna change

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What Girls Said 30

  • Um... let's see...

    My dad's parents - married 60 years before my grandfather died
    My mom's parents - going on 55 years
    My parents - going on 25 years
    My boyfriend's parents - 31 years
    My aunt and uncle - 27 years
    My other aunt and uncle - 33 years
    My other aunt and uncle - 28 years
    My other aunt and uncle - 29 years

    I think it's possible. I'm surrounded by nothing but strong united faithful couples. Is every couple faithful? No. Is it possible to be faithful? Yes, absolutely.

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    • That was previous generation though. :/

    • And your point? Did men and women suddenly develop differently? Is something different in our brain or body that we are no longer able to keep our genitals to ourselves? Are we fundamentally different now? Don't think so. Weak willed? Sure. Completely unable to commit? No.

  • Yes! I take care of seniors for a living and most clients I've worked with have been with their spouse until they died. Most are in their 80s at that point and admittedly rather irritable towards their spouse, but taking care of a dependent loved one is always taxing. It's obvious they still care deeply for each other.

    My favorite client I've ever worked with was 70 years old, and she and her husband were just about the cutest couple I've ever seen. She was immobile due to multiple strokes and completely dependent on him. But you should've seen the way her face lit up every time she looked at him. He never stopped smiling at her and never lost his patience even though she was a VERY demanding client. I decided that they are my relationship goal.

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    • Did either of them cheated on each other?

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    • My point! What if one so is just clueless or they told them and just kept it going?

    • You can't make a point on something you completely made up.

  • No, it is absolutely not a myth. It is only a myth if you aren't as committed as you thought you were.

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  • Of course. It used to be normal to stay together till death (because divorce was taboo). Because western people live in a society where wellbeing is a very important element, women and men divorcing so they can be happy on their own again is far more accepted. Monogamy is not a myth, it's a preference.

    Monogamy doesn't mean having multiple partners in your lifetime either. It means staying true to the partner you have at that moment. If you are with someone for ten years and haven't messed around with someone else, you've been monogamous, even if you divorced afterwards and got remarried.

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  • its not a myth! the ones who consider it as such might be seeking for an excuse to cheat...
    and yea my parents are married since 29 years! and many other people i know

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  • I usually think of older generations. My grandparents have been happily married for 60 years. So I do believe it exists,

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    • Did either of them cheated on each other! ?

    • Nope. They got married at 17-18 and have happily been together since then.

  • Monogamy isn't a myth, it does truly exist, it just isn't biologically something humans are born as. It's a social choice. My aunt and uncle, for example, have been together since they were 16 and are in their 50's now. It is possible, it just isn't an inherent trait. It's something you have to choose.

    Unless you're a penguin.

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  • No, cause that would make my parents, my grandparents, all my uncle-aunties marriages a myth, which would make my whole entire existence is also a myth. But here I am, in reality, not a myth. So there you go, a big no.

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  • i've met a lot of couples who have lasted together (faithfully as far as i know) for a long long long time. its possible, just not very common.

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  • Yeah lol my uncle & aunt work really well as a couple since about 25 years and my mom's best friend who just got married to his boyfriend but they've been a couple since at least 10-15 years already, too

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    • ^ and there are plenty more examples of monogamist couples that worked out really well - I really think for a polygamous relationship to truly work all the members in that relationship have to be polyamorous, too, but that's usually not the case which is why those relationships are often very short lived until that one person ruins it with their jealousy

    • Did either of them cheated on each other! ?

    • Nope never :)

  • Almost everyone I know is monogamous very few have cheated. My parents are married almost 50 years now too

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    • Ah, but you changed the definition. It is supposed to mean one sex partner for life.

      Today, it tends to mean one sex partner at a time. It is not really the same.

      Only a very small percent of humans are truly monogamous.

      And you wouldn't know if your parents are monogamous. They could be swingers for all you know.

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    • The only definition that needs exploring here is myth... A quick look at myth reveals there is no chance it applies

    • Funny thing about couples that have more than one sex partner, is that they tend to keep it a secret.

  • Yes, I've met many people who have been married for years.

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  • monogamy is not a myth lol. SO many couples out there r happily married and still totally in love.

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  • My grandparents are married 50 years and I have aunts and uncles and cousins that have been married for 10 plus years. It happens, relationships take work and too many people don't want to put the time and effort into their relationship and they just end. Relationships work when you and your partner both want it and are both willing to work at it.

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  • We had two holocaust survivors in our communtiy who met in Bergen Belsen after the war. They reilt together. And they have been married for close to 70 years.
    He holda her hand so she won't trip bc she is almost blind and she holds his hand because she does not want him to fall cuz he is weaker

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  • No not at all, my parents have been monogamous for 25 years.

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  • It must suck to grow up in an environment that makes you think monogamy is a myth. I actually used to think divorce was a myth lol

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  • Far from it!!
    My parents have been married for nearly 40 years and neither have cheated, I've been with my partner for 7 years and neither of us have either.

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  • yes i have those people are my parents. They were married at 19 and 21 and have been together for 30 years.

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  • My aunt and uncle.❤ living proof it's not a myth.

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  • I don't believe monagamy exists.. I believe in a commitment between two people, but I find it impossible for 2 people to be sexually active with one another for a lifetime. Then again there are 8 divorces in my family due to infidelity..

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  • Yes i have.

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  • My grandmother and grandfather were married 40 something odd years before his passing in 89 and hers in 98. In today's society a lot of people no longer believe in getting married and staying married.

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  • Well, there's serial monogamist, that just date one person at a time. They try to make it work, when it doesn't they go their separate ways. Some heal longer than others before tying again.

    I am one of those people. I cannot date more than one guy at a time, since I put effort and focus on one guy, the one I'm with. I know that can sound clingy, but I give him plenty of space. Just emotionally I can only invest my time and energy in one guy.

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  • Yes I have met couples that made it work, obviously it's not a myth and obviously it works for some people.

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  • Long-term monogamy starts with a solid relationship foundation that excludes sexual intimacy.

    Think of a home. If that home's foundation is built in haste, with subpar or incompatible material and the foundation not given the time to form and fully dry... how will a home remain sturdy during the storms? Eventually, a faulty foundation will crack under great pressure. Same goes for relationships which is often why people divorce. People these days want things easy or they check out. Reinforcing the foundation of a relationship takes effort & time from BOTH partners.

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  • I believe my own parents would fit the bill of being a monogamous couple in the strictest sense of the word. Though, in my parents' generation, men and women tended to be more reserved sexually and romantically, and as both of my parents lived with their parents while working full-time, that would have prohibited extramarital sexual contact. Plus, birth control/contraceptives and the sexual attitude that reproduction was separated from sex were all foreign concepts, making casual sexual relationships very unlikely. Therefore, my parents are each other's sex partner for life. Though, that would be inaccurate, because that implies they actually engage in sex recreationally after my birth and use family planning services. I don't think they use/purchase any birth control/contraceptives at all; they just don't engage in sex, really. It makes me wonder if they are even attracted to each other sexually, as no hint of sexual tension is ever expressed. TBH, I actually admire that kind of marriage, because for a long time, I speculate that I must have an asexual orientation, and as a result, I sometimes worry if that would have any effect on finding a spouse. How would the spouse feel if he finds out that I cannot reciprocate sexual attraction or sexual desire?

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    • Being asexual means that you aren't attracted to either sex, not that you don't have the frivolously high sex drive common in today's society. If you get horny when you look at naked pictures of people, then you're not asexual.

  • yes, i know a few couples that have been monogamous and married for years. I believe in it and i'm very sure it's possible

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  • My parents met in high school and have been together since college and married for 25 years. There was a 1-2 year period they were separated because of infidelity but they got back together and despite bumps, haven't split. My grandparents met in high school and have never split.

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  • My parents have been monogamous for way too many years. But then again, I would want something different than that. But then again, there is no ideal relationship.

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What Guys Said 31

  • Monogamy is not a "myth" any more than vegetarianism is.

    Most of what we have is actually serial-monogamy, which is technically a form of polyamory, if you have many sexual relationships throughout your life. The idea is that you are exclusive to one at a time, but you break up and start new relationships.

    If you are divorced and remarried, that is polygamy, since technically -gamy refers to marriage. But monogamy is also used in place of "monoamory" or "monosexuality".

    Humans are not biologically predisposed to be monogamous (neither men nor women), but have adopted monogamy to deal with current civilization and culture, and it brings a good balance.

    Hominids have been around for millions of years, and modern humans 200,000. During most of that time, we were polyamorous hunter-gatherers. Then 10,000 years ago, we switched to a lot of polygyny (1 man, multiple women), and now serial monogamy has become the norm.

    As hunter gatherers, we were very mobile, so people could not hoarde resources and claimed little or no ownership of anything. Certainly not each other. We have a very high sensitivity to injustice, so we lived under what is called "fierce egalitarianism", where people would actually kick others out for trying to hoarde resources or power.

    With agriculture, food was actually a major problem before it got better. As such we quickly became terretorial, and claimed ownership of things, including children. We had to establish which man would be responsible for which child, so you start seeing men "own" women by exchanging resources for exclusive sexual access. As such, men would hoarde more power and resources, and women would have to practice "hypergamy", where they would marry into their economic status, trying to choose a rich as possible.

    This resulted in polygyny, where a few rich and powerful men would "own" most of the women. And to overcome this, the other men would have to overthrow the ruling class. This is arguably our most violent dystopian social structure.

    The most prevailing method that has over come this has been monogamy, where two people would declare sexual exclusivity towards each other. This reduces hierarchies of people.

    As far as MY experience, I have an uncle who got divorced once. Out of his 13 siblings who are still married. And my parents have been married for 27 years with few issues. Monogamy works when you can understand that it is a conscious choice.

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    • It wasn't men owning women any more then women owning men it was a fair exchange of goods due to the high cost/low reward of reproduction for women (which is why they have higher sexual value) and low cost/high reward for men (hence lower sexual value). I don't know if your aware of that or not (I assume so since you said "own") but I felt it should be clarified. I also would point out that we are transitional in that we are still evolving and still carry traits from before we where human (evolution is a tinkerer and slaps on new traits without getting rid of the old unless they become harmful). In short we have been agrarian for about 10,000 years and that is when monogamy began since it was one of the foundational blocks (along with agriculture) with which society is built, so we are still evolveing and currently are in a middle place where our older insticts is to be promiscuis while our much newer ones lean towards monogamy.

    • that's actually not true. Monogamy is very much a part of our nature, as it is so many other animals. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy_in_animals

  • I feel like a lot of people don't have a good understanding of monogamy. Most people think that getting divorced is breaking into monogamy making it almost impossible because most people get divorced. Monogamy is about being married to one person at a time and only focusing on that person for the marriage. I do not like divorce since most of my siblings have been divorced, including my parents. But that doesn't mean that people can't stay together for me. I feel like people have always been able to make a choice, and we make mistakes. But monogamy is, in my personal view, not an invention by man. I think it is far more than that. It is a gift from our heavenly father and hallowed by the community to be viewed as something truly special. Monogamy is not a myth, it is just something that needs to be worked on and not taken so lightly. Marriage is not a light thing, so I don't understand why people take is so lightly.

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  • My parents have been married for 63 years. My sister just celebrated her 39th aniversary. I am divorced and remarried. My wife and I have been married for 9 year and will be together until one of us dies. Monogamy, fidelity and loyalty are as normal to me as breathing air.

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    • Did either of them cheated on each other?

    • No cheating ever.

      In fact, both couples are in their only sexual relationships.

      My mother and father were virgins until they married.

      My sister and her husband have never had any other sexual partners.

      My other sister was married for 24 years until her husband wanted out. Neither of them cheated. She has remarried, her current husband is her second sexual partner.

  • how could it be a myth when it is actually happening in front of our eyes. like greek gods are mythology because they probably didn't exist but monogamy clearly does.

    Stinks you haven't seen any examples of monogamous relationships working (although i find it a bit difficult to believe you haven't seen one)... I have definitely seen plenty examples of people who have made it through all these years

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    • Tbh I haven't. Don't really know any of many my g parents cuz they are dead. My aunt and uncle is the closest one to it but my uncle has cheated on her a long time ago!

    • really sucks man. well yes monogamy is real and it can work. it's not always easy and obviously it fails sometimes but it can work

  • NO, I don't believe that monogamy is a myth. It's not a myth although I agree you won't find many people who believe in monogamy relationships or follow it, but it still exists, but it's very hard to find nowadays. Now, I am an absolute believer in monogamy, so I am sure monogamy still exists, it's not a myth.

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  • My parents have just had their 55th wedding anniversary, uncle and aunt coming up to their 65th just before Christmas... says a bit...
    But you need to remember they got married in far different times..
    No internet, often no phone, no washing machines, microwaves, gas or electric stoves, no disposable nappies, no instant food... Everything was done by her hands, often killing and dressing rabbits, chickens, ducks for meals, cut and split firewood for the kitchen stove to make bread and cook everything and heat the hot water for baths and washing... true housewives...
    Those days are gone, life is sooooo much easier now...

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  • Yes! Actually have a couple that are friends of mine that live a few miles away, he is 83 and she is 78 :). Another couple I knew in the same age range, she died first and he died a year or two later, out of lonliness I think.
    ... I can't say that I have an angelic mind (ahem;) but I've been with my girlie over twenty years now.

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  • No I don't believe monogamy is a myth. Everyone I know believes in monogamy. It is the only thing I believe in myself to. Monogamy is the only right way in my opinion and I would never date a girl that does not believe in it.

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  • Well considering that its been practiced in every major civilization for almost 10,000 years I would say yes. Just because our current society doesn't understand it or value it doesn't mean it is non existent or unimportant.

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  • Sure, there are many examples. Naturally all of them are rather old and therefore you might say it's unlikely to still happen in this day and age because we are so different from these old people. I don't think we are fundamentally different, only our circumstances are. We experience sex earlier while growing up later. So our initial image might be distorted. People stay in education longer and become financially independent later. You're only really a grown-up once you know what it means to take over responsibility yourself. And when you do that you will be ready to be responsible for someone else and have a working relationship.

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  • Monogamy was possible. Marriage was originally started in order to promote the survival of children. It was seen that both the man and woman needed incentives in order to keep this, however. Men had to provide and take care of their family completely, and was held responsible, regardless of what happened. Women were not able to leave the marriage of their own free will, as it was noted that women are poor at making a decision (ask where they want to eat) and change their mind easily. With the current destruction of these boundaries, there are no incentives, thus marriage is pointless.

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  • I don't think it's a myth but I think really long term relationships take A LOT of work. I think people get in over their heads quite easily in a relationship and get cold feet when they realize what it takes. My parents have been together for.. a long time. I don't even know how long haha they're like 60 now so it's been a while.

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  • You've just been around bad examples! Monogamy does work, as long as both people are loyal and committed to one another.

    Many people SAY they can commit to a person... but the moments things aren't rainbows and lollipops in each other's lives, many bail.

    Too many people are in a relationship JUST for fun and entertainment, but aren't ready to deal with real life situations with that person. #PhonyLovers

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  • No? monogamy is a choice, it still is people often time flaunt the worst parts of a relationship while the best is kept by the wayside. Oftentimes autonomy is a choice and we all suffer through our SO making that mistake of hurting us one way or another.

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  • Well... I've read the same theory multiple times, which basically states that monogamy is beneficial for women. In the caveman days, women needed a strong male partner to protect her, and raise their offspring together. And since contraception was pretty much non-existent, that meant that women having sex resulted in childbirth. They could not hop around from partner to partner, since their bodies could not handle the stress of giving birth to too many kids, and so they got emotionally attached to their male partner because she needed him. Things are not exactly the same these days, but do we still function based off that ancient way of living? It seems so. I am not a scientist, but the theory seems to be true, as in women seem extremely happy when they have a monogamous partner that protects them and helps them in life.

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  • Could it be a myth? No, 50% of marriages work out.

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    • Have you seen the divorce rate lately?

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    • Interesting that you mention the impact of online dating. I understand that the Tinder model presents users with a paradox of choice when it comes to dating options.

      My wife and I are an eHarmony couple. The paradox of choice does not apply there. Basically, I used computers for what they do best: sort data. I fed in a list of my honestly considered requirements and eHarmony only introduced me to women who passed the test. Similiarly, eHarmony presented me to those for whom I would be a good match. Alltogether, I was matched with maybe 150 women of which I communicated extensively with about 15. I dated 5 and married one. By the time the face to face meet up occurs, the only thing left to determine is chemistry. This model worked great for my massively introverted self. Not having to meet 'extraneous' people counts as a plus to me. @GraySailorsBride and I have been happily married for 9 years.

      Had this option existed years ago, I'm certain I would not have married my first wife.

    • @gray_sailor That's awesome as i do believe that online dating phenomena is a positive tool however with anything new, also present a new set of challenges. I know plenty of positive stories that have come out of online dating as it most certainly provides a great way to "meet" people you may have otherwise never communicate with. I know a lot of people who have taken advantage of the algorithms and have made those sites work for them.

      I've only recently started being single again and jumping back into things. I must say i get "swipe" happy and can see myself falling into "well, that date went well.. but what about this new girl i matched with" pitfalls. As i keep plugging away.. part of me steps back from it every few weeks as messages become mundane and "what do you do?" becomes robotic.

      I've been hesitant to make a match. com/e-harmony account.. mostly because i am sure i am not 100% ready for another relationship.. which is probably why i talk myself out of intimacy. #tinder

  • Of course not. My parents have always been monogamous, and with no difficulty. We're not even the only species that does it! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy_in_animals

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  • My parents have been married for 45 years, only marriage for both. My mom's older sister has been married close to 50 years. My dad's older brother for close to 55. I have multiple other aunts, uncles, and cousins that have been married since I was a kid or teen. My best friend's parents married when they were in college, they're still together.

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    • Did either of them cheated on each other?

    • If they did, neither of them ever got caught. It wouldn't be tolerated in my family.

  • My parents. Thirty years and counting. Neither were ever with anyone else, and neither have ever cheated.

    A cousin of mine married the first girl he dated. Five years and two children later, they're still going strong.

    I'm in my first relationship, it's been going on for a year and progressed to the point that we're discussing marraige.

    Monogamy still works. All depends on the people involved. And, yeah, both my parents and my cousin are more religious than most.

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  • It's not a myth, but enough people are so jaded that they wouldn't believe the two lovers were loyal the whole time if you presented them.

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  • No, it's not a myth. If anything, it's a dying practice that people are possibly trying to phase out. My grandparents (both) and my parents are an example of monogamy. Not a lot of people these days believe or want it.

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  • No i don't believe monogamy is a myth. I believe people that don't want to commitment to each other, with trust and love. use not wanting to be in a committed relationship (monogamy ) as a myth.

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  • I don't think it's as clear cut as saying it's a myth or not a myth. I think as a species we tend to crave monogamy, but I'm not really convinced that we are intended to practice it. Human beings are a very complex, contradictory species.

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  • No not myth

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  • Some people are monogamous, yes. I guess they don't need the stimulation of different partners.

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  • Monogamy is a myth. I want a harem, though.

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  • Without the grace of God monogamy is destined to fail.

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  • Yes I've met many and I do not believe monogamy is a myth. Polygamy sounds like it leads to many more stds

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  • who knows. lots of people are prolly married for 20 years but cheated and still stayed together

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    • See that's what I'm saying people can be together for years but if they cheat it's different. That where I was really going with this. All these people are together and not cheat? That's what I don't believe

  • Duh I can name 1000 people now -_-

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