How do I get rid of the guilt of being poor?

I got into my first relationship, and he's the sweetest, kindest... simply put, best guy ever
But I have one problem, I come from a poorer family and he's in a more wealthy (not rich) family. They're always so nice to me, feed me, buy tickets for me, send me and my boyfriend to restaurants, buy amazing gifts. And I know I'll never be able to pay them back. My boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry and that everything's fine, but I just can't, I feel so guilty. I feel like a gold digger.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no need for you to feel guilty about accepting meals and entertainment. He is happy to cover the expense because that's the only way he can have your company. Don't worry about it. Nice guys don't keep score.
    To reciprocate you can plan a date you can afford and pay for it. A date doesn't have to be expensive to be fun, the pleasure of your company should be enough. Your boyfriend should be very pleased that you took the initiative.

    You aren't a gold digger because you aren't in it for the money and you aren't trading sex for money.

    I'm a little concerned when you say they are buying you amazing gifts. Constantly, or just for birthdays etc? And is amazing like $100 or $1000? Also how does your boyfriend feel about your gifts to him, which are presumably less expensive but just as heartfelt? You don't have to spend money on gifts,; you can always make him something --. knit a scarf, bake his favorite cookies, make a scrapbook of things you have done together. He'll love it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are not a gold digger! His family does this for you because they are happy to. If they didn't want to, then they wouldn't be so nice about it.

    You just have to realize that they love you and you love them and that spending time with them is what's most important. Lucky for you they are willing to pay for things for you, but just be thankful and help them out when you can. Don't feel guilty for being poor. You didn't chose it and it sometimes just happens to people. Just be the best you you can be and be good to his family as they are good to you :)

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What Guys Said 28

  • just try to get it out of your mind. remember that your value as a human being isn't purely based on how much money you or your family has. remember that you can bring great value to this guy and his family just being a great person... and if they are generous accept that generosity

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  • Your not a gold digger if you are not asking for all these girls then don't worry. It sounds to me that you found a really good family that cares about you. I wouldn't think to much into it just be happy his family likes you enough to do nice things for you and your boyfriend. If you still them to stop giving you guys stuff you could end up hurting his parents feeling. If they didn't want to give you anything they they wouldn't give you stuff so don't feel like you need to pay them back if you pay them for the gifts then it's not a gift anymore

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  • It's not gold digging if they are offering to them to you. When you start to expect it or even ask for it then you are.

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  • Pay him back with affection. You're not a gold digger. You like him for him. Healthy relationships you don't keep track who pays for the dinners. He and his family pull the weight around finances because they enjoy having you as a part of their life. They don't mind.

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  • Someone has to be a gold digger.

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  • If you feel like you can't possibly pay them back just remember that the love and kindness you show towards him is infinitely more valuable than money. As long as you don't become dependent on their kindness and you're with the guy primarily because you love him, you are in no way a gold digger.
    This is a gold digger and you sure as hell do not sound like her:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iyeUcFKRv4
    Good luck and stay positive!

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  • What should you do?

    Don't worry about it.

    You shouldn't feel guilty at all. And besides, in times past it wasn't uncommon for poorer women to date richer men. This is kind of a luxury for females - so enjoy it.

    Obviously they have no problem with it. They probably see something very positive in you for their son. That's a GOOD thing.

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  • Reciprocity isn't just with money. He has tried to make your life better, so just do the same.

    Just don't get too carried away, though. Remember that don't want your acts of love to transform to only balancing the books and repaying a debt. While the quantity from reciprocity, make the quality/spirit/drive/substance of it genuine love and concern.

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  • I don't sense any gold digging going on. No relationship is equal. You can give back to them by showing appreciation with 'thank yous', smiles and little acts of kindness.

    So NO GUILT.

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  • Get a job even if it is part time. That simple effort illustrates that you are not some lazy welfare-wannabee.

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  • Not worry.

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  • You shouldn't feel guilty about it , as a guy , i can tell if a guy truly loves then only he'll do all this stuff, you should pay him back in the bed :P (pun intended) but on a serious note , you should get some good paying job. IF that makes you feel better.

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  • I wouldn't worry about it. If it bothers you, next time make/do something personal for his birthday. Be creative and show that you put a lot of effort into it.

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  • You should enjoy it and show gratitude. The way to pay them back is to offer your gratitude.

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    • I'm always grateful, but I don't want to come off as a moocher and a gold digger

    • You won't, as long as you're respectful and grateful.

    • Then be polite, accept their gifts and be grateful by offering your services (help cleaning after dinners, etc). Just don't ask for anything and set limits for how much you accept. If you're not asking, it's not gold digging in my opinion. I'm in the same situation! I met the love of my life on a forum and found out afterwards that he was from a wealthy family. His exes milked him for a lot (which explains why he didn't tell me at first.. lol) but he knows that isn't me, as well as his family. Good luck to you!

  • you are not a gold digger cause you're not with him for his money as simple as that so you're not guilty of anything

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  • He loves you. And taking his personality into account it's very likely he doesn't care whether you're rich or poor. You want to pay him back? Simply love him. That'll be more than enough

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  • If he is so kind why did you break up with him?

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  • Ya.. you should donate all those stuff to me..

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  • tell them how you feel and ask them to dial it down a little because it makes you unconfortable.

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  • Crank some tunes and show them how the poor folk get down. Who says they can;t learn from your culture?

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  • How poor are you exactly?

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  • Well, if you really like the guy, I don't see a problem.

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  • don't cheat on him.

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  • Go to college, get your degree/profession, keep it touch, and repay their kindness with the same measure they showed you. (Lots of work though).

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  • So, you're dating him for his money?

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  • BUY YOUR OWN GOD DAMN MONEY

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  • Well one ideastart getting independent. Get a job (Babysitting, Waitress, Cashier, etc) There's lots and lots of jobs you could apply for (I feel like girls get jobs a lot quicker and easier than guys lol)

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  • Don't leave! I come from a big family of fairly well off people and they love to give gifts and treat people to things and to them their gestures are done because they like doing it. They don't want you to pay them back just don't abuse it. That's all you have to do. Do your best in life and be appreciative. If you get to the point where you can do things for others pass it on. My aunts and uncles give me things all the time and all of my cousins when they got to a sustainable point in life gave back to the family as a whole. Sometimes it's something simple like cooking for all the aunts on Mother's Day or washing someone's cars or baby sitting for free or just taking one of the younger kids out to do something fun. When you already have you don't give to get things back. You give to give in hopes that the person you give to will eventually feel and be able to do the same. Just accept that that's the type of family he's a part of and say thank you.

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What Girls Said 11

  • You could show your appreciation by cooking a really nice meal for them some evening. They sound like lovely people don't worry too much I don't have a lot of money either but when I go out with my guy if he buys the meal I'll get us some drinks. I pick up little things I saw in town could be socks or a cool notebook to a bookmark with a special verse but he loves them and it makes him feel treasured.

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  • You are only a teenager and it's not at all your fault you are poor. It doesn't seem like it bothers your boyfriend or his family either. They seem like lovely people. I would be grateful and give them love in return. And I suspect there is nothing more they expect. Enjoy your relationship with this boy and his family. I am happy for you...

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  • Honestly they know you can't pay them back and they don't want you to. The reason they are giving you these gifts, because thats what they are, is to show that they care for you and really like you. To them, you are paying them back by simply giving them your company. I am sure they see how happy you make their son and honestly they probably love you as well and just want to keep you around for as long as possible. Don't take it the wrong way, they are just saying that they already see you as part of the family. You didn't date your boyfriend because he was rich, also he isn't rich, its his parents money. You would be a gold digger if he was extremely rich and that was your only reason for being with him.

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  • You're adding to the relationship in your own way even if it's not financial. Don't feel like you need to feel bad about it. Everyone contributes differently

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    • Truth. Adding to this, stop thinking that "you need to pay him back" because that not why he's doing this. He's trying to make you smile and for you to be happy together with him.

      Money is best spent when having fun with someone you like. And from how it reads, he genuinely likes you.

  • if you see that you have the best intentions, like feeling guilty for not being able to pay him and his family back, then you shouldn't have to worry. Yes, it is normal, and whole-hearted, so I think you're all good. as long as you let your boyfriend know. I think if you tell him, your conscience will be cleared.

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  • no need to feel guilty you are not asking for gifts they are giving it because they want to it be rude to reject smile and hug them to show that you appreciate their affection towards you and let your boyfriend know

    if your boyfriend or parents ever ask you for a favor in return such as stop dating their son or if he wants sexual favors you straight out let hi know you have self respect and return all his gifts

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  • That's so sweet. And honey, you work hard that's it. You hustle

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  • Don't be ashamed. They're doing it because they want to. Just continue showing gratitude.

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  • if he doesn't mind you being poor then dont think too much about it! poor people have nice hearts too! just be true to him :)

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  • Just get it out of your mind. If he is with you then he likes you for you. His family likes you as well, so that's a plus. I didn't once think my ex was a gold digger for being with me... I just liked hanging out with him.

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  • This is Why I don't date spoiled rich men
    I been working ever since I was 16 and men with a silver spoon stuck up their ass will assume that every girl they date who comes from a family with less money than them is a gold digger

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