Should I tell her that her weight is bothering me or that's a death sentence to our relationship?

So this is the problem guys, I'm a fit guy that goes to the gym 4 days a week. And I've been going out with this girl for about 4 months, nothing serious yet. She has told me that she was way chubby than she is now. She clearly has self esteem issues mainly beacuse of her body and has told me that she wants to do a few surgeries to correct her body, which turn me off sometimes. She is a pretty girl. And some of the pics that she has she is stunning and hot some of them with an angle that make her seems skinny buttt she is not. I have always been atracted to skinny/fit girl, but this time I clicked with her in so many level, although she is like 7 years older than me. But this body issue is getting on my nerve, on my head too much. I don't wanna break up with her for that but sometimes I don't see a future with her, and she is very in love with me. She obviously wants to take the relationship serious but I don't because of what I said before, and its not that I am a jerk, that I like hot girls only, but hey thats how I feel. On the other hands saying to her that her weight is bothering me seems a slap in her face and would destroy her but on the other hand it could make her realize that I really want her and want her to change her issues. Should tell her about it, about what I really feel or not? Cause this could actually really end the relationship as soon as I tell her, and I dont want that, Any advice? This is way over my head, sometimes I think about this very hard, about breaking up with her or if I keep going with her, I don't want her to get too attach, which I think she already is.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Be very sensitive and caring with her. Maybe you could even start by simply inviting her to come work out with you, if you haven't already. It sounds like you are a good fit for each other, so it could be a lot of fun. Teach her how to work the equipment and make it like a date. If she has a good time, invite her to go with you now and then, and tell her you enjoy her company there.

    If she doesn't like that idea, it might be more difficult. Self esteem issues are very hard to get over. Have you tried talking about them with her? Ask her where her insecurities are and find out what you can do to help. If she's insecure about her weight, that's another good way to bring up the gym thing.

    I don't think you should say'if you don't get fit, it's over.' That would end things for sure. The best way to help her lose weight is to be encouraging and caring. There's not really a good or easy way to tell someone their weight is bothering you, unless it's to the point where it is a health concern. Any way you phrase it is going to make her see you as shallow. Just be persistent in encouraging her to work out. Say you'd love it if she went for a run with you... things like tha.

    • Thanks. I haven't try telling her (altough I would feel like an asshole for telling that), I don't take things for granted but sometimes I get the feeling that she is very very into me and in love so she really wants to keep me around so in a way, something tells me that if I tell her, she is going to take care of herself more and work hard for that. It sucks a little bit cause she has a hell of personality, very smart and she has big dreams for her business which I like that a lot, but, this is the main reason why I haven't take the relationship to the next level you know. I admit it it make me seems a little bit shallow, cause the other day, I was in a store and saw I fit-good looking girl and I asked myself "what If met a girl like that, would I take the relationship to the next level? And my answer was "Yes".

    • Would you take your relationship further if this girl were fit? If you would, I'd certainly try to help her. There's nothing wrong with encouraging a healthier lifestyle, but if she doesn't want to go for it, don't push her. Some people just don't want that lifestyle, and if she isn't a good fit for you, there's not much you can do

Most Helpful Guy

  • Instead of giving her an ultimatum, which sucks really, Why not try to take on a more active role in her "recovery" ? How about you introduce her to your gym and show her how to do some stuff and make health a mission that involves both of you? Couples are supposed to be a team. We are supposed to help each other. If you love her and don't want to let her go for reasons that sound shallow even to you, help her. Find a way to tell her that doesn't sound like "You are fat, I want you to lose weight or else, I am gone". Next time she complains about her weight, Tell he "You know what? Let me help you !". Start slow. Give her goals she can easily achieve at first to keep her motivated. Be there for her. Be there with her.


What Girls Said 3

  • If you're not into her the way she is, the kind thing to do is to move on. Don't string her along and definitely DON'T ask her to lose weight for you! That's cruel. She has body image issues already you said, so why the hell should you make things even worse by saying it?

    • If he doesn't tell her why he's breaking up, she will always wonder why he did. She'll never find peace with it. She probably expects to be told she is too chubby. At least, telling her the truth can motivate her to do something about it and most importantly, she can get over the relationship more quickly.

  • Telling up front that her weight is bothering you might hurt her feelings,
    but you can show your concerns in other way like how you like to maintain a good a body and how it is a compliment to personality, give her indirect signals and girls are anyways too bothered about their weight so if she gets one little hint she will start working on it.

  • Well if you like "skinny/fir girls. Why did you start dating her? sometimes its hard to change people when you have already met them like that. Besides some people that have weight issues it isn't as easy loose weight like others. If you "dont see a future with her" then break up and dont hurt her. Why would you want to break her heart and self esteem.

    • Well, I like skinny/fit girls, but doesn't mean I only go for that type. And as for dating her, well, it all started fooling around, and we were/are atracted to each other.

What Guys Said 1

  • Well, if you are not physically attracted to her body, then it's hard to have sex with her which means the relationship is doomed anyway. Her losing the fat on her body and her keeping the fat off is nearly impossible. Her body will be used to the weight, and she'll gain it back. The best thing to do is just tell her that you aren't really that into her and if anything you two should just be friends. Currently, you are reinforcing the idea she is skinny enough to get you. She may say she will do all of these things, but people say they'll change or do something different all of the time. The best course is to break up with her and find yourself a girl who is more compatiable with your standards.

    • That's the things I'm attracted to her body cause she is not fat, she is chubby, and the sex is insanely great but then I start to think about a serious relationship... and that's where i get stuck...

    • She's still fat man. Anyway, why be in a serious relationship? You're 26. Have fun. If she wants to get serious, then move on.