Why do men do this?

Every piece of advice women read/get states that if a man is really interested in you they will pretty much do anything to talk/text/see you. So why do guys go hot and cold... blowing up your phone then silent. I will text someone and he will text back... then it may be 3-4 days before I hear from him. I don't want to be the one initiating things all the time, I don't want to bug them but I have noticed if I don't text he will text within a few days... what is up with this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most guys do it because they are the ones initiating everything and they don't wanna seem desperate. So we'll text, wait for a reply, then wait more, and never get a reply from you.

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    • I was wondering that... I guess no one wants to appear too "needy or clingy". I always try to balance it out... not being the first to always text, but if I don't hear from him in a few days I will send one... I notice if I wait he will do the same. I always get a quick reply and winky faces too.

What Guys Said 4

  • There's this insane game being played these days about who texts whom first. I don't understand it at all which is why I don't text unless its business related. How this game started and who made the rules remain a mystery. I've got a great idea how about we all stop communicating entirely and that will end this stupid game

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    • A lot of it comes from the advice we get. I personally do not do this.. the wait so long to reply/send. I reply when I have time.. sometimes it is right away sometimes I'm in meetings and its a few hours... but I always say that "Sorry I was in a meeting..." then reply. I will text someone when I feel like it, however I do not want to be a pest... so that is why I wait... not to play games...

    • It isn't being a pest. Text him all you want

    • It isn't? Good...

  • Its because men WANT to text you, but they are told that they will blow their chances if they do.

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    • Really? I always feel that if he isn't texting me he must not be interested... and if you look at one of the female comments... this is what we are led to believe by society...

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    • Haha... women are taught the same thing... that men don't like us clingy or desperate... I think we should all go back to kicking each other in the shins and the good ole notes of "Do you like me? Yes or No"... lol

    • Yeah, i agree. I'm not even turned off if a girl seems "clingy" i just think its nice that they like me so much.

  • Sounds like a "second option" sorta thing.

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  • Personally I never play the "what if I appear too need by being prompt in responding" game. If a woman thinks it's a big deal or something, then we obviously aren't meant to be together. If it's real I won't hold back (nor will I blow up the phone).

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What Girls Said 3

  • Simply put, he's not that into you. That's the translation of blowing hot and cold.

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  • guys like girls to make the first text

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  • Dating is terrible right now. I pray everyday that I never have to deal with it again. But I fear that I may, I don't know what I am going to do for this exact reason.

    It's seriously exhausting trying to figure out if someone likes you or not when they blow hot and cold. They're busy? That's fine. But to not talk to someone they like for a week or two at a time, nope not doing it. If they can't make the time to talk to me, I don't have time to waste on them. I'd move on pretty damn quick if I were you. If the guy comes back to wonder what happened, let him know that you figured he wasn't interested and so you left him alone. His loss!

    I would give this same advice to any guy in the same situation. The less crap we all collectively put up with, the less crap that is out there because people start to face consequences. Unfortunately it's not easy when someone comes back blowing hot and makes you lush for them. It's really hard (been there!)

    But you just have to realize that YOU are important and a valuable human being who deserves to be with someone who won't waste your time.

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