What do you think is an important relationship goal?

My boyfriend says his only goal in a relationship is to be with someone that motivates him to become a better person and for me to show him the potential he can't see in himself.

Is this wrong... my goal is to make the other person happy, I don't think a relationship is about me. It's not what I get out of it, for me it's how can I make this person happy.

Are my relationship goals off or wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Goal is to be happy yourself so you can contribute to creating a happy relationship and all times... let me repeat that... AND AT ALL TIMES HAVE SEPARATE LIVES.

    That might sound counter productive because in a relationship you always wanna be together. But people often lose themselves in a relationship. They stop being a person with interest and just become the relationship. So after a while things get boring.

    When you have separate lives things stay interesting because of the outside impulses.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think everybody approaches certain things in life differently, like everyone has a different mind set going in.

    Like, some people go to school because they know they have to. So, their goal is to get through the day and do as little as possible. Some people actually like school, so their goal is to pay attention, take notes and study so it can help get them to where they want to be down the line.

    Or, work some go because they like money and so their goal is to do make as much money as they can to get the life they want. Some actually like to work or are in field because it's something they've always wanted to do and it brings them joy, money is just apart of that but not the goal.

    Relationships are the same way, everybody wants something different out of one. I think I'd fall under the category of both you and your boyfriend. I want someone who I could see in me what I can't see myself because it's hard for me see anything positive at all. So, having someone who believes in me and pushes me to do be better, is something I need and want. However, I also like making people happy and I always put other people before I put myself. So, making sure they are happy and I give to them what they give to me, is important too.

    So, both your goals are good ones. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who can help us better ourselves and be a postivie influence in our life, there's nothing wrong with that nor is it selfish. There's also nothing wrong with making someone happy but that probably as more to with who you are as a person, then it being a relationship goal (just make sure you don't over do the making the other person happy because can turn a person into a door mat, trust me. You need find balance). So, I think both completely good goals to have and nothing to fret about.

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What Guys Said 17

  • It is not a matter of whether you are right or wrong, but only whether you know yourself well enough to honestly articulate your goals.

    My goals in a relationship are to be loved, to be a partner who deserves to be loved, and to know that I am a good partner because of the way I love my girlfriend.

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  • Actually, i agree with him. His goal is simple and direct. It's a clearly thought out goal.

    Your goal is alright but you clearly didn't think really deeply about it. You need to ask how you arr going to achive that goal. How will you deal with this in the long term. What would you do when things are going the way you wanted.

    Good relationships are long term. There are ups and downs moments. It'd the happiness you both share when you are together than will streghten the relationship. It's the moments when you decide to work with each other to pass hurdles that will deepen your relationship.

    The greatest couple are more than just happy happy people. The greatest couples are those who can trust each other explicitly with their most important things.

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  • i think you relationship goals are good. I think you can also hope that a relationship brings something out of you as well.

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  • I personally think the only point of a relationship is to test the other person out for marriage some day. So my goal would be to love and be there for each other forever

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  • Yes and no.

    I think your goal is fantastic. With a warning. Don't let it turn into neglect for your needs too. Just be aware of what you need too. It's not about you all the time but it has to be 85%/15%. Direct your effort to make sure he is happy but still remembering that you have wants/needs/desires. He could be focused on his work and you are making sure that he is being his best. But making sure in the middle of all of that that you are still feeling loved and getting your "urges" met.

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  • No. Your goal is very good indeed.

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  • Not wrong. But you may come off hurt from a breakup situation. Cause there was nothing else than pleasing the other. Now imagine you please the other by becoming a better person overall. You still get something for yourself and that is better.

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  • To not kill one another, that's a crucial relationship goal.

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  • Nothing wrong with that at all, in a relationship both people should be happy not just one.

    As far as your boyfriend goes, I think he should want to better himself too and not just rely on someone else. I'm sure he means well though.

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  • My relationship goal is to make her happy

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  • Neither, Both goals sounds great to me !

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  • Mine is to make the other person happy, which will in turn make me happy.

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  • Try to talk everyday (:

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  • Sex and happiness.

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  • Because women can't make good decisions by themselves and need to be under the power of a man (father, brother, uncle) to decide who they marry. This is the appocolytical calamity brought on by the evils of feminism.

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  • I think that's a really wonderful relationship goal. To want to bring out the best in someone is really nice. And it's one of my goals as well :)

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  • No, sounds good

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What Girls Said 21

  • Here's the thing about people.

    There are two types of people. There are givers and there are takers. Neither is bad.

    Givers get joy by serving or giving to others. They get joy by showing joy to others. You're a giver.

    Takers get joy by being shown joy. They get joy when others express support and appreciation for them. Your boyfriend is a taker.

    Neither is bad.

    The best relationships form between a giver and a taker. If both are givers then they feel let down because the other isn't showing appreciation for their giving. If both are takers then they're not letting the other get anything and so they feel closed off to their partner.

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    • I don't know. This sounds like a sugar daddy type situation, and there are people who give and take. To me, this sounds like There are two types of people, Republicans and democrats. They need each other to stay on the right path. When in reality, moderates exist and are way better and way more rational than the extremists.

      not to mention the takers in your scenario sound really greedy and superficial.

  • It's good to try to make your partner happy as a goal in a relationship. However, it's important to not make that your main goal. If all your work towards when you're together is to do whatever you can for their benefit, it will surely begin to work against you. You'll become their little bitch-boy, giving them the right to make you do whatever tickles their fancy.

    I think a good goal would be to be able to achieve the level of understanding an love between you two in which you're able to keep things positive, both of you getting what you want from the other in terms of support, affection, etc., but also with each of you managing to use this support to make you better able to reach your own personal academic/career goals, if that makes sense.

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  • i think support and being supported re both important. i dont think being 100% one or the other is good.. someone will get exploited. though i also am not attracted to a guy who just wants to give or take. balance is best.

    for me a relationship is getting certain things and giving certain things gaining wisdom and growing as a result.

    love honesty respect physical affection trust partner in crime kind of thing. i dont view relationship[s as a test or an end goal i just see it as a growing process. and whether it lads forever or a month if its high quality everyone did their best and left room to explore and grow, im happy.

    i dont like , limitations like what yapper expected to do or not do. i think there needs to be room to breathe exist throw develop make mistakes. its not a portrait yore trying to get right.. its life. lioness messy and partners should be flexible and understanding without being doormats.

    respect and patience are awesome.

    i think people who function by extremes have unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partner and have difficulty relating to other perspectives. i only good with open-minded people. couldnt date a black and white person.

    but thats me. your you and your boyfriend is him. what matters is knowing what you want being comfortable with it expecting i to be respected and seeing if you can - or can not harmonize it with what your love interest wants. sometimes love isn't enough and despite best efforts you ave to move on. but as long as you respect each other, no one is wrong to want what they want.

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  • To be happy and to know I'm making someone else happy. I don't want it to be just about the one of us being happy, because, honestly, the relationship is about me. Like 50% because I am half of this relationship. If I'm not happy and I'm not getting satisfaction out of it, then I'm not going to bother. But at the same time if I'm not making him happy, then there's no point either.

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  • Your relationship goal is legitimate and lovely in heart and intention, but any goal that isn't balanced should be balanced out a little more. If he satisfies your needs even if he didn't say that's his goal, it's completely fine for you to feel a strong desire to satisfy his needs. That's balanced. But if he's always all about himself and you're about him too, neglecting yourself, your needs and desires probably won't be good for you in the long run. Just be mindful of that :)

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  • Relationship goals are different for everyone.

    Still I feel like both of these goals are correct and are very basic goals, not in a bad way, but everyone should have both of these goals in relationships. By motivating your boyfriend to be a better person and helping him find his unlocked potential you two can grow together and that is how you will make him happy. At the same time he should be doing the same for you, a healthy relationship is one where you both strive to make the other person happy as well as push them to be the best version of themselves.

    You of course don't want to change who they are but by supporting them and sometimes even challenging them you are helping them grow as a person and in turn strengthening your love for one another. Again this should work both ways. You should of course also strive to make the other person happy but you have to be careful with this because you don't ever want to be a doormat for your SO.

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  • Here's the thing about potential... it doesn't mean shit if you haven't already reached it. It's fine to want to be with someone who brings out the best in you but I'm not digging this whole "I need a chick who will motivate me to fix my issues" deal that seems to be going on here.

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  • your goals aren't wrong or off at all. thats a really good goal. thats essential. he sounds like he can't do things for himself and thats why he;s in a relationship. which im sure is not the case, but thats how he makes it sound.

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  • You can't make another person happy. That's their job to do for themselves otherwise it becomes unhealthy codependency.

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  • I think your and your boyfriend's goal are not wrong.
    I think being with the right person would make you want to change to be a better you (but your personality is the same, example, he smokes and he tried to stop because he knows you don't like it, although you did not forbid him to smoke). He changes because he wants to.

    and your goal is pretty normal to me, when you like or love someone, you want to make that person happy.
    But I think relationship is not just about the other person but also about you, you have to be happy too not just making him happy. it's a two way condition.

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  • I think your goals aren't 'wrong' but I do think that the relationship should make you both happy. If your not happy why be in that situation? You are in charge of your own life.

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  • No it's normal you put their happiness before yours because you care about them and how they feel

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  • It's to help each other become the best by being the best yourself.

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  • no its not your goals should be everyone goal really. Too many people being selfish now a days. We need more caring and giving people stay being you.

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  • No one can tell you your wrong. But sometimes you have to look and make sure your happy, just as the other person. Their happiness, isn't yours.

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  • its great that your boyfriend has those goals, but I think all thats imp is just be yourself, and dont try to be something that he wants you to be, be ambitious and work towards your own goals, and do the best to be supportive to him as well, but don't pressurize yourself to be someone that's not you, if trying to be a better person for him is your strength I think its really great, but if its conflicting with the type of person you want to be in life or if it interferes with your goals, then it may not be healthy. It should not be purely to make your boyfriend happy, you guys both should be happy, not just him. It will work if both of you are committed equally.

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  • I like your boyfriend! His goal is a very good goal to have! He want to be with someone who cares and loves him. Love is not always easy and simple. In which, I think your goal can go hand in hand with his. You want him to be happy and enjoy life, while doing that you are encouraging and supporting him in anything he wants to do. Best wishes! :)

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  • There's no wrong or right. It's just what you believe

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  • Your goals aren't off or wrong just because they don't line up with what his goals are. They're just different, you value different things. It's great that he wants to be with someone who inspires him but I'm not entirely sure that he's not asking for too much when he says he wants someone who shows him the potential he can't see in himself. That sounds more like a matter of personal reflection. As long as you both are there to support and uplift one another, in my opinion, that's enough.

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  • Relationship goals are different for every couple

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  • To make the other person happy and also yourself is very important.

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