Are we just dating or are we in a relationship? Does anyone understand Japanese dating culture?

I've been seeing this girl since last month. Things have been going great. About two weeks ago I told her I really liked her. I told her I didnt' want to rush anything but I didn't want to see anyone else but her. She told me she felt the same way. This last weekend she and I, along with some of our friends, went to a haunted house. While we were waiting in line to buy tickets, we were just holding hands or I would have my arm around her shoulders. Before we went into the haunted house all the girls ran to the restroom so it was just us guys waiting. One of her friends who was also Japanese asked if we were in a relationship. I told him not an offical one and he seemed confused and told me that if a Japanese girl is showing PDA it usually meant we were in a realtionship. I've tried to look at how we've been as a couple, and I would easily say we are exclusive but there hasn't been any 'labels' attached to us. So I'm wondering if anyone knows, do I need to have an actual relationship talk with her or do I just assume we are dating? I'm pressed in this matter because I don't want her to think I'm not committed, or I'm pushing what should be obvious to her. Normally I'm on this site giving advice, but I'm not sure I understand Japanese dating since I'm American.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Well you can assume you're dating without having a relationship talk. I think what you may have meant is "assume we're boyfriend and girlfriend"? Because that's a bigger deal and isn't something that can be assumed.

    As an American--that's right, a gaijin (haha)--who once dated a Japanese chick in the USA, I can tell you that it is indeed a big deal with the PDAs. Sounds pretty exclusive to me. I'm not sure what more to tell you. You can make it as explicit a relationship as you want. She's probably ready to hit any base you're willing to hit. (Tempted but unwilling to make a comment about "All your base are belong...")

    Congratulations, man. Japanese girls are great. Fun, genuine and tender-hearted, by and large. Hope things go well for you.