Do people ever 'develop' attraction over time?

This is something which has always puzzled me. If you are initially not physically attracted to someone, do you dismiss that person as potential dating material? Or do you eventually develop attraction towards people whom you were initially not attracted to, if you get to know them better and realise that they have an amazing personality and other desirable traits?

I ask this because a lot of people say that you are either attracted to someone, or you aren't. There's no middle path here, and no one can date someone they aren’t attracted to. But I have personally been in situations where I didn't find some women physically attractive initially, but the attraction eventually 'grew' as I got to know them better, and even wanted to date them (although I didn't, due to severe insecurities, but that's beyond the scope of this question).


0|1
12|8

Most Helpful Girl

  • What you felt is absolutely true. It proves that personality also plays a role when being attracted to a mate. Same thing has happened to me before. So you are not alone.

    0|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • I met a girl in sophomore year of college at a concert. I invited her and her friends to hang out after the concert with my buddies (just as friends cause they seemed cool). I really had no attraction to the girl at first, I mean I thought she was kinda cute but just didn't look at her that way.

    but we developed a friendship and about 6months later I found myself really really falling for her. we ended up dating for about two years

    so yea I think attraction can develop over time

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • Partially true.
    With some people, you like them from the start, be it in terms of physical attractiveness or sexual chemistry. With others, you'll only have one and there's a chance of the other also developing alongside it.

    I wasn't interested in my boyfriend at the start. Liked him a lot as a friend, wasn't interested in anything more. I'm not really sure what sparked the change but eventually I realized that I did like him as more than that. I'd be bothered if he started seeing someone else. Once we started dating and became sexually active, it only continued to grow from there. Still seems to be getting better, almost two years later.

    So sounds like something similar to what you described your own past situations as. :)

    1|2
    0|1
    • Nice to know that! here's wishing a lifetime of togetherness for you and him! :)

  • Yep, this is the main way I become attracted to guys. Plenty of times I have initially thought that the guy was physically unattractive, in a "no way in hell" type of way, but then I started to find him attractive after I got to know him better.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Great to know that! I often used to feel 'weird' whenever I developed attraction for women i initially didn't find attractive, since it never happened with most people. But now I see that this is not as uncommon as I thought.

    • Yeah, it is very weird when it happens, because the person in question is often a friend and you can clearly remember the initial "I don't find him or her physically attractive" mental assessment that you made in the beginning, when you first met them, but at a certain point it's like a switch flips and you realise that you've started to find them attractive.

    • Haha, yeah! And if it wasn't for my severe insecurities about my looks and approach anxiety, I wouldn't have missed on on some amazing women! I'm beginning to gradually overcome my self esteem issues. Better late than never, I guess! :P

  • Wow, I am so happy to have discovered such question because I was recently friend-zoned by my best guy friend, who at the time we were just getting to know each other, and we're very tight now. I know I'm not exactly HOT to him but I can see he's been more admirable of me lately with those dreamy eyes, as I'd like to call them, when he looks at me. Definitely be the guy that eventually does fall, you'll be glad you did, mister. :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes i used to be only attracted to Asian men Now after moving to an Caucasian dominated society i became more and more attracted to white males an now i have very little attraction to Asian males i love big southern boys like Sawyer from lost but maybe without the smart ass and being a con man part xD

    vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, but it takes nice, patient people for that to happen.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some people are slow to warm up. Its possible.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you need a base level of finding someone else at least 'ok' to consider them. Real attraction only comes in later once you get to know them anyway ;)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I will say that it depends. There are certain instances where I will just never be attracted to the person, no matter what. But, about 70% of the people I am attracted to, I wasn't initially interested in or attracted to.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is no such thing as black and white. People who claim "you're either attracted to someone or you aren't", seem to forget that there are many relationships which develop from friendships.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I usually get attracted to people over time, but people are different

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've never had this happen.

    I've had "oh, he's kinda cute" turn into "wow, I'm crazy about this guy."

    But never went from mostly neutral or unattracted to attracted.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • For me, the initial physical attraction is there, or not. It doesn't just randomly magically start appearing "as I get to know them".

    I can be more interested in them as a person, but I'm physically attracted to them only if I am initially physically attracted to them from the start. And that feeling stays for a long time, in fact, I'm not even sure if it truly fades.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Hmmm... so that means, looks play a major part in defining 'attraction' for you, right? Because initially, you'll know nothing about the person apart from how they look.

      Also, as per your comment on the other guy's post... if someone develops attraction over time, do you feel that he/she is being desperate, probably due to lack of dating options?

    • To the first question, partly yes, although it's more than just looks; it's also mannerism and voice.

      And to the second question, not necessarily, but highly probable.

  • There are at least two types of attraction. One is the physical chemistry you mention and that's not a very good success factor in dating. The other is more profound chemistry which is based on physical but also emotional and intellectual. If the emotional chemistry is there, often times the physical follows. Women also sometimes get to work on the physical when they realize the emotional chemistry is mutual.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course you can. When you see someone over and over again and like them as a person, they start to look more and more attractive to you.

    1|2
    0|0
  • OMG! I fell in love with a fat feminist bitch with bad teeth and thin hair. I used to jack off fantasizing about her doughy body and tiny tits.

    Oh GOD! I loved her so much!!!

    LOL.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i believe you do. when i first met the girl i have a crush on now, i honestly had no attraction to her whatsoever. now she is all i can think about. i always call these people the ones you have to know to like

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can only speak for myself. In general, I am now attracted to Asians (I'm White) but when I was much younger, I was not. But referring to a specific woman I am not attracted to on first sight (within 5 seconds) there is no way at all my tastes will change in a briefer time (6 months).

    0|0
    0|0
  • yes friendships turn in to boyfriend and girlfriend

    1|2
    0|0
Loading...