Do you Pay for yourself on the First Date?

We all know that most guys pay on dates and especially first dates. So Guys if a guy doesn't pay , what des that mean? even if you offer to pay for your part they still accept and let you. or they pay and then you pay them back during the date.
Girls what do you think if a Guy did that to you on the first date?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I plan on offering to pay for their part too and not just my own, but if the girl is like "oh it's okay I can pay for myself" then I'd ask "are you sure? I mean, you don't HAVE to" and she's like "oh it's okay, I insist" then I wouldn't force the question and they'd pay for themselves.

    I think whoever invites the other should consider paying for the other person, but anyone who attends should consider paying their own initially. If that makes sense.

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What Guys Said 30

  • Yes, I always pay. If they offer, I refuse. If they don't allow me this one simple request without a lot of hassle, I don't ask them out a second time. While, I appreciate a sincere offer to pay or pitch in, I believe it takes grace to accept something offered if you are a decent person. If they refuse then it means one of two things, they have no grace or they feel guilty that they are wasting my time. Either way I don't need to go out with them again.

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    • But why turn it down? Why do you have this need to always pay? Where does it say that they're disrespecting you for wanting yo pay themselves?

      I mean it's guys like you that ruin it for the rest of us by insisting that you pay - the women you date then just assume that all guys are like this.

    • @ThisDudeHere It's just the way I was raised... note that I would also pay for my own friends, to me it's a consistent view that is about respect and courtesy. That to me does not mean it is disrespectful to split a payment on a date or that I would be rude to accept payment. I recognize that I am not "right" per se, it's just how I am and that is my comfort zone. I also don't feel any need or pressure to change that view cause it works for me and who I am.

      Note that there are a lot of women that would think my behavior as rude and chauvinistic because I expect them to accept that I pay and even judge them based on whether they accept it or not, so really I don't think you are alone in the world and there is definitely a group of women that respect what you do.

    • Thank you for sharing.
      we respect all opinions :D
      you're a generous person , there is nothing wrong with that.

  • This was really funny:
    http://nextshark.com/dating-first-date-pay
    (watch the actual episode if you can - the link is in the article)

    Firstly, I personally, would only ever go on a date with someone I already knew reasonably well, and I'd always be happy to pay.

    However, if you *were* to go on a blind date or a date with someone you met online or whatever, I can see how that could make things more complicated, because you don't really know the other person.
    The guy probably wouldn't mind paying for the woman, but he also wouldn't want to find out later on that she's just a gold digger (and likewise, I guess she wouldn't want to find out that he's tight).
    The decision on whether or not to pay, might even depend on whether or not you actually want a second date with that person! Either way, I wouldn't have gone to a place where a meal for two costs £136.

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    • that's very reasonable.
      Thank you for sharing !

  • In my youth I would never want a woman to pay. that isn't realistic.
    although, personally, for a first date I think whomever ask the person out should pay.
    but the woman should pay. either every other time or every 3rd date.
    just depends on if either can afford it or not.
    I know that I cannot afford to pay every time. and until you get to the point where just hanging out at home watchig movies is good enough, you have to go out.
    If we get to the 3rd date, and she has not at least offered to pay, regardless of how little it is, I end it right there. some women just want free dinners, movies etc... I dated 2 of those kind of women.

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  • if a guy doesn't pay? so in this scenario, both girl and guy agree to go on a date, and the guy already knows beforehand he isn't going to pay because? if he forgot his wallet that makes sense, but he intentionally won't pay because? that just doesn't make any sense. if anything they'll both go dutch pay.

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  • vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

    Personally, I would not go anywhere before discussing the finances for the event. I don't see why anyone would go anywhere before discussing this. It's completely irresponsible and unorganized in my opinion,

    I haven't been on romantic dates before but if I offered to go on one then I would most likely pay or at least pay for myself.

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  • I'd pay for both because I have money. But the first (and only) time I got lunch with my crush, she insisted on paying even though i tried to convince her that I could.

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  • I grew up very traditional. I would be confused why the girl would want to pay. I would wonder if she didn't consider it a date lol

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  • Shouldn't be any different than a woman not paying on the first date. That WOULD be gender equality right?

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    • we're asking a question. a very simple one actually. didn't mention sexism or gender equality did I now?
      would you or wouldn't you pay for the first date :D ?

    • I pay my fair half. If I pay for her's then the next date I expect her to pay for me too.

    • Thank you for sharing :D

  • I prefer splitting the bill. A girl who outright refuses to pay for the first date just because she's female is a clear indicator of someone who is not girlfriend material.

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  • Why go to some place where the lovers would have to pay?

    What happened to good ole walk through parks, or dinner at home where couples have actual fun getting messy in the kitchen.

    Why is it all about going out and who's paying this, who paying that? Its money, it holds no value compared to what makes you happy ! .. To me anyways.

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    • Yes but it's a simple question. if you haven't been out and actually gone through this situation you're not obliged to answer you know !

    • Hah, a simple question this is not !
      If It WERE simple, you'd get a simple answer !

      I'm only kidding.
      Minor situation, very simple answer for you I has !
      Whoever the fuck wants to pay, pays.

    • point taken !
      thank you for sharing !

  • I always pay even if she's a friend or family.
    If she really what's to pay something she can do the tip.
    But I don't always get away with it.

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  • I always expect to pay for a first date, beyond that I expect we take turns/split it.
    if she offered to split it on the first I might expect.

    I did have one girl pay for me on a first date, I did feel kinda awkward letting her pay for me

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  • Are you all really obsessed with who pays for first date? Wtf. I don't really care, If she insist to pay I'd let her and if she don't, I'd just pay.

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    • nah , we're just asking what would these fine people do in this kind of situation :D
      Thank you for sharing!

  • "We all know that most guys pay on dates and especially first dates"

    Do we? I dont, Im a femanist and believe that men and women should pay equal amounts.

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  • I can provide for myself and the woman I love...
    I pay the bill everytime

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    • Thank you for sharing ^^

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    • Because they don't value the gentleman that you are.

    • @ElissaDido lol thanks!
      i mean, if the girl insists on splitting the bill i will, but i like to pamper my gf's
      to me its not like paying for an extra plate, its showing gratitude for what my girlfriend does for me...

  • Modern times, both men and women work so she should expect to pay just as much.
    I'd still insist to pay for the meal to be chivalrous but if the women tried to pay or paid something later in the date I'd respect her for it

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    • I see !
      Thank you for sharing ! and please don't mind the unlikes.

  • i never payed on a first date. i don´t look for a pet, i have to pay for. i want an equal partner.

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    • *well of course i payed for myself.

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    • well i´d make it clear then, that i "invite" her to do this or that. if i say "lets to this and that together" then it means she´s gonna pay for herself.

    • Thank you for sharing

  • I wouldn't pay for her. She can pay for herself and I can pay for myself.

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  • I expect the woman to pay. If not then I won't bother seeing her again, I don't date cheap women.

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  • I've always paid for myself and for my date.

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  • The guy should pay for a date but just in case the girl should carry some money to pay just to be on the safe side of things

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  • The guy should always pay

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  • This isn't 1905 it's 2015. I think everyone should "split the bill".

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  • I prefer to pay because I see it as an investment you get what I'm sayin.

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  • The first date I usually offer to pay for both of us.
    However it has happened that my date offers to pay for her half because of different reasons. I just say "okay" and we carry on with our date normally.

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  • He's either excited, or ashamed that he doesn't have enough money, or, he's just a bum.

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  • I bilieve in always paying for dates 1st second 200 doesn't matter lol

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  • I pay for everyone. It's the way i was raised. My family would fight for the bill literally for who hot to pay for the entire table. When someone pays for me or offers me i never take it, i just can't. If i do, i will feel a little guilt for not paying.

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    • very generous indeed ^^
      Thank you for sharing !

  • Proper date etiquette, no matter if it's the first or second or whatever, is, the girl offers to pay, but, the guy ALWAYS pays. The guy wants to see that the girl CAN pay, but, that we're are taking them out, after all, we asked them out.

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    • I see ! whomever asks pays ^^ reasonable.
      Thank you for sharing.

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    • I'm? xD
      well Thank you ! I'll keep it in mind Sir !

    • No problem

  • I don't pay for a girl on dates, unless it's cheap (like a coffee, that sort of thing -- not going to make a fuss over petty-cash). Anything more expensive than that, she either pays for herself or both of us.

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    • Interesting. So as long as it's something cheap it's fine.

    • Don't misunderstand though. It's mainly because some women have a very bad reaction to not being paid for. So rather than deal with an attitude over something as trivial as coffee, I'd rather just pay for it.

    • I do understand. you do make sense !

What Girls Said 41

  • I usually offer to split the cost... like I'll pay for dinner if you buy the movie tickets. I've had a few dates refuse to let me chip in, and I didn't argue if it was important to them, but a lot of guys were pretty open to splitting the cost.

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  • I have paid for more dates than I have had dates paid for, for me. I don't have the unfair expectation that because I'm a woman and that implies he has to pay. We want equality, right? Equality to men means you have to be willing to pay for yourself or for both of you every once in a while. I don't hold it against a guy if he doesn't pay for me, UNLESS he tells me he is taking ME out and then expects me to pay for us BOTH. Then I would have an issue.

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  • In today's economy, I insist on paying my way in the beginning. I can't expect a guy to pay my way. I think nothing of it either way.
    Another option would be to give in and let him pay for dinner, but leave the tip and offer to pay for the next activity.

    My boyfriend and I take "turns" now. It's my night to pay, it's your night to pay.

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  • Umm, I'd offer to split the check. Cause I don't feel right with someone paying for me. but if he insists I'd be ok with that especially if he asked me out on the date. If I asked him out I would assume I'd pay, since I planned it. But thats just me. I have many friends though were they paid for everything, like the guy just assumed and expected her to pay and not just on the first date.

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  • in my experience the man always wants to pay. i do bring money with me and try to pay but they don't allow it.

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  • I would prefer to pay half of the cost - which is only fair seeing as I've eaten half of the food, drank half of the drink, etc - and would bring money with me to do that, but if they didn't want me to, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth :P

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    • That's very fair of you. thank you for sharing :D

  • To answer the opening question that would be a no. The only exception is if it was an expensive first date like cliff diving or sky diving.

    If a guy didn't pay for my meal? Either he didn't like the date or doesn't have the money to pay for my meal.

    If you offer to pay and he accepts? I'm not into that whole "testing people out" on dates that some people do. I have no intention of paying so I wouldn't offer unless something serious happened or I felt bad for him. Most people jump at the chance of saving money so don't be surprised if he jumps at the chance.

    They pay and then you pay them back during the date? Ummm, wtf? I most be really feeling bad for their financial situation to be doing that. Sounding more and more like a hang out then a date.

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  • Iv offered to pay but they always say no which I respect as I am quite traditional so I tend to buy the drinks

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  • If I asked him out, then I'd pay for both no problem.

    But if he asked me out and didn't pay, I would be surprised. I know he doesn't HAVE to pay, but it's common courtesy in my book, so it would feel kinda rude if he didn't.

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  • I really would prefer to pay for myself actually - I mean, unless they invited me, them paying for me would make me feel awkwardly like I owe them and I hate that feeling.

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  • I'm perfectly fine with going dutch. In fact, I always hold my wallet on the table as a sign that I'm ready to pay for myself. But I won't take he entire bill. I will also still leave the option on how we should pay to him. If he wants to go dutch, fine by me and that's how our thing would be. If he wants to pay, then I will just pay for the next activity and our thing would be that we'd take turns paying. Either way is fine by me, it's only about equality

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  • I would be upset if the guy didn't pay on the first date. I dunno, I'm traditional. I'm not saying I'll never pay my way through some dates, but the first date I would definitely rather he pay.

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    • I see.
      thank you for sharing :D

    • Lol, I love how I got three down votes even though it's not like I said that I would never pay. Is it so bad to ask for him to pay for the first date? It's not we have to go to some fancy expensive restaurant. The first date could be like a movie or going to a coffee shop. Chivalry is going dead. What a shame. Smh. But, you're welcome. :)

    • Please don't mind them. you were brave enough to share your personal thoughts on the matter. I appreciate it. Thank you again !

  • I always pay for myself on dates. It's starting to cost quite a bit now though, with all these dead beat guys so I'll just go on free dates now haha.

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  • I always offer to pay and insist that he doesn't pay for me

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  • I have offered to do this several times but the guys I have dated always refuse to let me pay.

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  • I never expect him to pay and always just assume that im paying for myself. If he offers to pay for me, I'll ask him if he's sure once or twice. I feel bad letting others pay my way but at the same time I don't want to offend him by refusing to let him pay.

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  • I pay my way for everything. I always feel bad when someone does something like that for me, unless it's something small like a maccas ice cream haha
    But even so, my boyfriend and I pretty much take it in turns to buy snack foods and it all turns out quite even :)

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    • actually on that note, I have taken him out on a day trip before and wouldn't let him pay a single cent for anything, whether it was lunch, gelato, petrol, road trip snacks, alcohol etc. We seem to be a little different to most couples, especially when it comes to openness and monetary items. It's pretty much 0 gifts, more concerts, and lots of little adventures :)

    • wow ! that's impressive!
      Thank you for sharing.

  • A guy ALWAYS pays for the first date. It's practically a law. Lol. If he doesn't then it's not a date and he gets no second chance at a first date.

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  • I always pay for myself. No matter what date. It's so weird that that is the standard in America. Here you're just expected to pay for yourself. The guy can't be that rich right?

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  • I always pay for myself on a first date and i have no expectations for the guy to even offer to pay for everything.

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  • I would bring my own money but I would prefer the guy pay. If he doesn't then I'll know what to do from there depending on how the date goes. I assume he's either cheap or broke or a jerk if he doesn't say why.

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    • Very reasonable !

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    • I don't understand why you would assume that the guy is "cheap or broke or a jerk" if he prefers to go dutch. Going Dutch is about equality.

    • @QuestionMan thats how I feel about it. And not really. Its not black and white.

  • Yes, I pay for the first date. If they keep insisting on paying themselves, then we often end up simply splitting the bill.

    Expecting the guy to always pay is sexist, period.

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    • calling it sexist is a bit extreme but I do respect your opinion.

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    • if you see it that way. I'm merely asking you guys for your opinions ^^

    • It isn't intended to be sexist!! I ask her out, I pay. The first few dates I expect to pay, and don't think anything sexist, or that she expects it. It was how I was raised, and taught. After we are a 'couple', it is the one that 'invites' or wants to try some new place, that pays.

  • I always pay unless the guy insists, then I try to compromise by stating I will pay for the next activity we are doing that day or hint at a future date of me paying, if I feel like it is going somewhere.

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  • I have and always will pay for myself. I would feel really awkward letting someone else pay for me, especially when we're not even in a relationship yet.

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  • I prefer to pay for myself. If the guy is insistent, I'm not going to argue over it. Especially, since a first date is usually just a coffee or two.

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  • If a guy asks me on a date and doesn't pay, that's the last date. The guy always pays. It's the gentleman thing to do.

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  • I usually pay my own way unless he insists.

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  • If a guy did that to me on a first date i wouldn't go out with him again.

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  • Yeah, I wanted to go a date with him.

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  • It feels more like a date if the guy pays. I am happy to pay later on. First couple dates I prefer the guys to pay and it leads to better outcomes for me.

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