Is it normal to be so drawn to what's unavailable?

Okay so I finally got that girl's number that I had a crush on for a few weeks. I was so happy and excited that I finally did it. All smiles on the way home from school. We texted back and forth for a few hours today and she came out and told me she is gay and said we could talk later when she gets back from her girlfriend's house. I confessed to her my motivation for getting her number and everything after that and we both laughed about it. The thing is this isn't an isolated incident in my life. It happens to me all the damn time. I can count on two hands the number of times I've crushed on a girl who happened to be gay. Am I subconsciously drawn to what's unavailable? Does part of me know that a woman is gay before I like them? Do most guys have this issue?

I just feel like this is bizarrely common in my life and it kind of hurts :'(
It's like the type of girl I like seems to never be straight or something that straight girls don't usually possess. Blahhhhhh! haha

Anyway I made a new friend it seems and that's good lol

Updates:
Do you think my preferences need to change at all?

1|0
10|7

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ah dude, at least you got her number. Success :)

    It's good you're seeing the positive in everything.

    So, my friend always loved tiny feminine looking guys. And I was constantly perplexed when she showed me her crushes because I had silly crushes on tall bear like men. Well, turns out home girl is bi leaning towards gay. And I think it makes sense because she never really like super masculine guys and preferred the smaller more feminine guys.

    This isn't true for every bi person, and this 99% isn't shedding light for something about you. But it's still interesting to think about.

    0|2
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think, unless they are full-blown dyke, that most gay women are obvious. In fact, one of my cousin's daughters is gay, and we really had a hard time seeing it at all, even after she came out one day. I don't believe you are subconsciously aware and have some deep Freudian complex motivating you to try to be with lesbians or anything like that. by the way I remember once when I moved to another large city I went to a laundromat where there were these two very nice women doing laundry together, we talked the full time we were all doing laundry, I invited them to my place, they asked to stop at theirs to bring some music to play, and when we got back to my place I kind of started flirting with both, and suddenly one of them giggled and said: "We're Lesbians! But you're a really nice and interesting guy, so please don't be offended!" We wound up listening to music till all hours. Things just happen.

    0|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 9

  • OH SHIT!

    That sucks eggs!!!

    Honestly... it's hard to determine such things. I wouldn't say change your preferences as I would say make your interest known early on, or even try to work a way into getting to know the status of the person you're interested in a bit earlier.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Thanks Gravey. She's wicked awesome so I'm glad she's a friend. I do wish I did this earlier so it would've been discovered earlier.

      Time to move on and see what else is out there!

    • Show All
    • That's quite the compliment then thanks ;)

    • Not a problem.

  • Awww damnnn! Sorry to hear that man. But at least you made a new friend.

    As far as you being attracted to lesbians, maybe part of you likes a challenge? Or you find something in them that reminds you of your male friends? I don't know lol I'm reaching here.

    0|2
    0|0
  • 0|2
    0|0
  • I'm sorry to hear this :/ But I completely feel you. I usually end up in similar situations and it sucks.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Looool damn she's a lesbian xD it was a coincidence. Don't think that much into it. You're overreacting.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Dude, I so feel you! I'm a Mormon; I crush on incoming missionaries all the fricking time, and they aren't allowed to date!

    0|2
    0|0
  • hmm, I don't know, but I used to crush on gay guys a lot when I was younger too.

    0|2
    0|0
  • are there really that many lesbians in your area?

    0|1
    0|0
  • Omg lol I'm sorry :( but are u sure they are you know what? I mean I know some girls who said that but they weren't

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • I am sorry man but...
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/07/laughter.gif
    Maybe if you play your cards right they'll let you join? Or at least watch? I think you were just really unlucky.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Nah I respect her and her relationship. I would say I was unlucky if this wasn't such a common occurrence in my life lmao

  • relatively normal. we are often to drawn to what we can't have because tend to only view it in a light that is appealing and alluring

    0|1
    0|0
    • That's true. It's weird once I find out then I'm not attracted to them anymore obviously.

  • That only happened to me once. I kind of don't think you're drawn to the unavailable so much as it's a combination of dumb luck and/or perhaps there's something about their personalities that you are attracted to.

    Maybe you should try to figure out their sexual orientation and relationship status before you try to ask her out in the future. I dunno.

    I'm sorry to hear that, RedThread. I was pulling for you.

    0|2
    0|0
  • I've down the same thing, man. I literally asked for a girl's number and as I was asking her girlfriend arrived. It's happened to me 2 times at least with a possible third that's unconfirmed. But even if I do find a straight girl she's either in a relationship or not wanting one. So I've basically been fucked from the start and not in a good way. It used to really hurt and make me sad. Now I'm just too numb to care.

    0|2
    0|0
  • is it safe to say you crush on girls who aren't girly girls?

    i share a similar desire.

    0|2
    0|0
  • You sure they're gay? Some girls fake it instead of saying you're not their type

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...