Is dating an older guy stupid?

I met this guy and we've been out on a few dates and he has a lot of qualities that I had trouble finding in guys my age. He knows what he wants, he is very polite and well mannered, we go on real dates and he says he doesn't waiting a while to have sex. Which are things obviously

But then sometimes I do wonder what I'm doing? One of the major things I want out of life is having children. And I don't mind having them sooner rather than later, but not right now. But he is 35 so even a few years he'll be close to 40 and that's very old to have your first kid. And I'm just not sure there is any point in continuing to see him?

I'm kinda torn about if I should go on with this or not?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's fine; otherwise you gravitate back to those immature young men (I was once too, so I can criticize). My girlfriend is 11 years younger, and I've had 'em 14-15 years younger too. At a certain age it makes no difference - but your age is not quite at that point yet.

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    • EDIT: I want to stay anon, so I will address the OP's point about him 60 when the son is 20. Men live to be 78 today, I am closer to 60 than 40, and I can still run across the street if the light has changed and I ran out of time to walk across it. I have been sick 2 weeks in 5 years. My grandparents on my father's side died at 91. 60 is not like back in Cary Grant's day or in Abraham Lincoln's day. There is 'technically' old age and then REALLY old age (85) 60 is no age to be concerned he will die unless heart disease, cancer etc., strikes.

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    • "as badass at sports as when she was 25" I'm 100% sure that is not true. Maybe he compares the same way with his age group, but there is a reason pro athletes hardly make it past 30. Not saying there aren't some but if you're over 30 you're considered old in most sport. For a reason

      And i'm not counting on some freakish science experiment to keep him alive until 120

    • NO, it is true, but since your mind is made up, just marry a younger man. Be done with this. All my siblings are as healthy as an ox, and we're over 40. I get mistaken for 20 years younger than my true age, and my kid sister got carded for alcohol when she was 32. BE in denial, chose your life, but STOP ASKING HERE!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah...40 is old to have a child. Sperm quality isn't good at 40, and if you want more than 1 kid that's even worse if you want to ensure the health of your future children, but if you really like him then I guess go for it. He could be the love of your life.
    There are plenty of guys your age who have those qualities, just saying.

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    • well I can't seem to find any

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    • People always get sensitive about these things. Aging has an effect on all aspects of your body. That's just our reality. Nothing about your body at 40 is better than your body at 20 and 30. There are greater health risks involved in having a child later in life.

    • 3mo

      Wrong the healthiest children are when men are older an women are younger mens sperm quality doesn't go down at all but there sperm quantity does but they have more healthy children then young men the older u get the better your sperm is

What Guys Said 12

  • A guy who's 35 is fine... if you are over 20.

    A 40 year old father is typically better than a 20 year old father. He's more measured, wiser, and usually a better provider.

    You can have plenty of kids with him.

    I don't see an issue here.

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    • I'm 22

      At the same time though he'll be 60 when the kid is 20 and that is just the first kid. I want more than one. And also he'll die much earlier than me. I don't want to spend my retirement alone

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    • Asker, it looks like you overthought most of the possible problems.

  • Be honest, adult, and talk to him about it - especially the kids issue. If he is in good shape now, he likely will remain so and healthy enough to raise kids. These days, waiting to have kids is more commonplace anyway because of economics.

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    • We've just been going out for a few weeks I don't think it's appropriate to bring up kids at this point

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    • well that is a lot easier said than done. I'm trying, but at some point you gotta admit defeat

      Anyways, that's why I mentioned in the question that him waiting is a huge plus

    • Don't admit defeat. That's bullshit and you will realize that. Unfortunately, you are young so you are still surrounded by lots of guys who are boys. Well, keep in mind that there are lots of more guys who will treat you right. If you can't find them, then you need to look elsewhere - like a nerd college where guys outnumber women 5-to-1. The guys there would treat you right.

  • I am friends with a lot of younger women due to teaching dance. And some have indicated an interest in being with I.

    i always tell them that I am complimented by their interest by I would be irresponsible being with them because of our different stages in life

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  • Do you like him? Men are technically fertile their whole lives, and yes disease can affect that. Women, however; start developing issues around age 30, and reach a point where they are no longer fertile without medical alteration.

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    • Well technically yes, but realistically chances of fathering a healthy child also go downhill after 30. A point which has already passed.
      Apparently a lot of men don't know this or don't want to know this, but your fertility isn't immune to aging either

      If I like him or not doesn't matter, if I can't have the life I want with him, that's what I'm wondering. Liking someone is only part of the equation

    • Yes, the percentages for problems do increase with each bit of age. I'm a bit disgusted by the age of former business owner compared to the last known age of her son. The reason I put this in this way is because in my 20s I too was afraid of the after 30 increases in likelihood of problems, which were unfortunately predominately mentioned on the female side.

    • 3mo

      Sperm doesn't degrade there becomes less of it but it isn't better then your younger sperm

  • I think large age gaps are kinda weird. He may have a lot of good qualities but you are probably better off dating someone who is more similar to you.

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  • I had my first kid when I was 42.

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  • Up to you. A lot of women in their early twenties find appeal in older guys for those same reasons. The real question putting that aside is do you feel you have a lot in common and won't grow bored of one another someday?

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    • I think we have a good bit in common.
      I'm not worried about that, it's really more his biological age that concerns me

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    • Not sure where you getting the idea that 40 is too old for a guy to have kids. Sure it might not be as easy, but from what I'm aware of there's no significant health risk. I thought that burden fell upon the women who should try to have kids before they hit 35.

      You really can't predict when someone's going to die; statistically, yes he may die earlier but that's no guarantee. Plus it would be wise to have female friends in your life since just having one another can sometimes be burdensome since most people need their space.

      If him not seeing your grandchildren is some deal breaker for you, which I don't think it should be then maybe you should be looking for someone your own age. JMO

    • well no, men's sperm quality decreases a good bit from their 30s on as well. Which has basically the same effect as women, higher rates of miscarriage, disabilities and other birth defect. And then of course not being able to get pregnant as easily in the first place. It's not all on women, it's quite shared

  • i think the age gap is a bit high.

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  • I would go for someone a little younger, say 27-29

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  • A older guys and younger woman is the best combination you'll have the healthiest kids

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  • There should not be any special problems the first 10-15 years if he isn't manipulative. After that?
    He'll age andlose his vitality faster than you do and he'll be an old dad.
    It will be no problem if he can live with the idea that you'll end by cheating on him.

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  • While I had kids young, it's really common for men to have kids in their late 30s.

    You might ask if he sees himself having kids one day.

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    • Maybe kids, but not their first and I want more than 1

      I don't know if I should ask really, we haven't been together for that long. It's not really appropriate to bring it up I think

    • I'm talking about their first.

      Guys that age who want kids often prefer to date younger because they have more
      Childbearing years ahead.

      On the other hand guys that age who don't want to settle down also avoid early 30s women for THAT reason.

      You just have to talk to him.

What Girls Said 2

  • My father was 40 when I was born and 42 when my brother was born. And I think he was a better father to me than a lot of 20 something year old fathers. My mom was 38 though so I can't tell you much about the age gap.

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  • I'll put it this way, he's going to have kids closer to 40 regardless if it is with you or not. There is nothing wrong with that. If you like him and want to date him, go for it, but remember he made the decision himself to wait to have kids.

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    • "but remember he made the decision himself to wait to have kids" ya I know that, what are you trying to get at?

    • It's fine. You'll keep him young and active.

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