I am a semester away from becoming an RN and I have some pretty promising job openings and gosls/plans set up.
The thing is, I'm dating a man that really doesn't know what he wants to do. He's only been navy for 4 years and wants to get out and then figure out what he wants to do (he's living in a fantasy of laying pro sports). I think this is a dumb move, the navy has excellent retirement/benefits.
Lately he's been pulling away and avoiding conversations about the future whenever it comes up. I don't want to be wasting time beating around the bush and then this relationship crumble in a few months/yrs.
Any ideas of how to approach this issue/talk about it? Or am I just overreacting?
Most Helpful Guy
There is nothing intimidating about ambition in and of itself. Let's make that clear right off the bat.
Let me tell you something about being intimidated by powerful or ambitious women, because it is a really deep gendered insecurity that is misunderstood and misinterpreted as the idea that a "woman should stay in her place."
When guys are intimidated by strong women, it is almost entirely based around male expectations. People see a man who makes less than a woman as a tumor or parasite of sorts. When we look at a woman who has married a man who earns more, we see it as "balanced". That is, we see women as the desirable one, the "non-evil" one, the "one who can give birth", the "graceful one", while we look at a man and see an ugly body, potental evil, and so the least he can do is make money for her and be the first to die.
GoodMenProject did a good article about this. As they put it, "Men must be needed because we can't be wanted". The idea being that we don't see ourselves as having any kind of intrinsic value, that we can't just be "wanted" by someone. Instead, we feel we have to offer something she needs - be it money, protection, or status. Otherwise, we feel we are simply a thorn in her side, that she might as well leave because we don't offer anything tangible.
And it's thrown into a surprising number of day-to-day experiences, especially dating. The traditional dating is basically about rubbing our faces in the idea that men are the "unattractive" gender and must make up for it by other means. Everything points to the idea that a woman *is* attractive, and a man must come up with ways to prove he is worthy. I think that is why we see traditional dating going by the wayside.
Another good read would be "Self-Made man" by Norah Vincent, where the disguised herself as a man and experienced day-to-day life as a man. She was completely frustrated with the expectations that were thrown on her the moment she tried dating as a man instead of a woman.
I know I went my own direction, there. But I figure if you can get an idea of what goes on in many guys' heads, you can better understand that it isn't about you being "too ambitious", and more about us feeling we couldn't live to your standards. This is easily bypassed by simply being receptive and open.0