My Opinion On Paying For the First Date - Do You Agree or Disagree With Me?

On the first date, the guy should always offer to pay the bill - and the girl should always offer to split it. However, the man should never let her pay.

This is just for the first date, of course. Later dates or during a relationship would not be on his dime only.

To me, this is a sign of respect, not only to her but to his pride and sense of dignity.

Likewise, girls who aren't genuine in their insistence over paying the first check speak volumes because a wise lady knows that she is not entitled to anything.

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Updates:
To clarify: "pride and sense of dignity" means being the bigger person, essentially. For example, I always hold the door for the person behind me.

I don't have to. I get nothing out of it. They haven't done anything to deserve my courtesy. But I hold the door based on MY principles. The golden rule.

That is why I believe that both parties should always offer to contribute to the check.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is the I always done it. That was my way of being a gentleman for our first date. I pay, open her door, and pull out her chair. Even if she wasn't someone I wasn't interested in during the date. I would still do these things to treat a woman like a lady.

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    • Exactly - opening the door, giving her your jacket when she's cold... If men balk at money yet do these things, then it comes down to "the root of all evil." that's actually why I hold this view (for the for the firstdate). a gentleman is a gentleman, regardless of a few dollars. If the buck stops where the wallet begins, this discrepancy is what I take into consideration.

    • You are totally right. Time has change so much for the worst with some people. There are just less gentleman that exist who doesn't believe in paying for the first date and being a gentleman to a woman.

    • Thanks for MHO!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why is everyone fighting over this? Guys especially seem to be greedy down below. To have a successful relationship, both sides must give 100% and not expect anything in return.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 35

  • That's bullshit. So if a girl asks me out and tells me "hey, we should go to that fancy restaurant" I have to pay? Hahaha
    In the first date, the one who asks out pays, so if the girl asks, she pays, and vice versa.
    The following dates should be split unless one insists in paying.

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  • I do agree that men should be paying for the first date but for different reasons.

    Economic Standpoint: i once dated a cosmologist and learned a lot about make-up and the amount of energy it takes and resources for women to look the way they do. My pre-date routine includes:
    - popping zits
    - showering
    - hair gel
    - clean clothes.

    Pretty much everyday.. this is all i need to do. So in essence... my couple of bucks on the first date still probably has me coming out on top in terms of relative $ spent on attractiveness.

    Strategy: If the girl has any value, she's probably got a few choices of men who she could accept a date from but she choose you. As well all know... women do value from a primal instinct a guy who can provide for a family and in this day and age, it's financial stability first and protection a close 2nd. If you can't feed her 1 meal, leave out all the "gold digging" or "equality" arguments aside, this has to make her feel less attraction for the man.
    - The man paying for the date is just a rule of attraction for me. No moral or tradition.. as a guy you are stating "hey, i can get you 1 meal." If you aren't able to do so, set up a date that you can finance.

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    • Man. So many down votes, @that-guy that are undeserved, in my opinion.

      I have my theories, but I'm interested in hearing your thoughts as to why your opinion was downvoted more than those who actually said "I agree 100%, ccanyon." weird , right?

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    • @theccanyon

      Interesting, i didn't know gag prioritized responses like that.

      "I'd be interested to speak with you on something we don't agree on."

      Yes, i look forward to that debate.

    • my pre date routine, minus the zit popping, is the same as yours. not all women are that high maintenance. and even if they are, so what! it's not an excuse, make isn't the expensive. in the long run, it'll last a hell of a lot longer than your meal that night.

  • i just don't think there are cut and dry rules. it depends on the parties involved. Personally if I were a woman I wouldn't want a man to pay for me on the first date. I'd appreciate the gesture but I wouldn't like the implication he may potentially presume of him paying and thus somehow owing him some sort of debt

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  • Some cursory lip service to 'equality' and then the guy has to pay for it all anyway? Great. No.

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    • Your comment is the only one that irked me. It's because I don't kiss ass, on principle. Just a personal thing.

      I'm really curious and think I'll ask another question about this: would you hold the door open for her, give her the best seat between the two, or your coat if she's cold? Because I would judge a man who was gentlemanly in all aspects except for when it came to paper and metal. If it's truly about equality, he wouldn't do these things, either, and I'd respect him more for his consistency than I would the former - a focus on money is not a focus that would jibe with my values.

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    • "Yet when I refuse to kiss ass on my own principles, that irks you."

      Oh no, not at all! Haha. I respect those who speak their minds. The insinuation of patronizing just ruffles me on a personal level because I passionately hate bullshit, comparable to how an avid feminist would react if she was accused of being a misogynist. TL;DR: I was pretty much thinking out loud - don't pay it no mind.

      "I considered your question to be paying lip service to equality because she is going out of her way to avoid damaging his pride as a traditional man in the form of a little white lie (offering to pay)"

      Thanks for explaining. I thought you were referring to something else; I'm not sure why I didn't see this before.

      I'm going to message you to clarify and answer your question, if that's okay? GaG's character count for comments vs. my loquaciousness always talk-block me...

    • Go right ahead.

  • If this were 20 years ago, I would 100% agree with you. However, in the modern dating landscape, the conditions are quite different.

    In the days before social media and dating apps/websites, it took quite some effort to land a date. The effort put into landing that first date was enormous compared to 2015. So back then, it would have been a given for the man to pay for the date, and a courteous gesture for the woman to split.

    Although I have never gotten into the whole dating app scene with Tinder or whatever, I hear horror stories from friends and read similar stories online.

    Dates can be set up online with a total stranger in less than 24 hours. If he/she is hot, why not right? However, the initial screening phase to weed out clingers, stalkers, crazies, gold diggers and secret murderers doesn't exist anymore.

    What I have seen more often is that perpetually single women who are bored on a Wednesday night, may simply accept an online date invitation with ANYONE for the sole purpose of getting a free meal while giving nothing in return. Meaning she is willing to endure a socially awkward "date" for the sole purpose of a free dinner, without any real intention of ever messaging the guy again after the dinner is over.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGy1c8SZxiM

    This has happened to several of my friends, and I believe it's becoming more common as some women play the "Guys should pay" card in a malicious manner. Some men I know insist on splitting the bill on the first date, as a new screening test for 2015. They are tired of spending hundreds of dollars every month on so-called "dates", only to never hear from the girl after dinner. However, I'd anticipate that women without such bad intentions would perceive this as being cheap and could ruin any potential for a relationship.

    Of course, this applies to online dating only. Not to dates from people you meet in person or through friends/family.

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  • I agree with everything else but the part "the man should never let her pay."

    I've been in a situation where money was kinda tight, and she absolutely insisted that she would pay and told me that I could pay for the next date. She was also the one who asked me out tho, so that might have something to do with it. And I did pay for our second date so everything worked out well.

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    • That's a great point. "The man should never let her pay" is the weakest assertion of the bunch, and the most prone to wobbling. From my point of view, I'd be mortified if we had a really expensive meal but if he said "shut up, ccanyon, I've got this," my pants would slide off of their own accord.

  • Why should the guy have to offer to pay tho?
    Why does he have to pay for her company?

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  • I think both should pay for what they bought. Why would the man pay, and not the woman? How is that not blatant, unreasonable sexism?

    (Americans are going to downvote me into oblivion here but it's not a custom where I live. We also don't tip because our waiters get paid reasonable salary.)

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    • Accidentally downvoted you ;( cultural norms are a good point to bring up. I've only lived in America ; id shift my opinion if I lived in a country like yours.

    • No problem, I do that a lot as well. We should be able to undo votes. And I get that. If I lived in America I'd probably have a different opinion as well.

  • I pay as a sign of good faith for the first two dates after that get your wallet out Lady

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  • nahh fuck all that

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  • 100% disagree.

    These are exactly the kind of stupid games we need to get rid of. Also men not paying is a REALLY good way to help filter out the shitty women who have no respect for you, the princess's and users of the world who have no business being in a relationship.

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    • Exactly. Behave like the man in the original post, and you'll get yourself a wonderful gold digger for wife.

  • Even though i hate gams in relationships, that's a scenario that's supposed to happen at the first date (said the guy who only had one single first date in his entire life).

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    • I agree. It's very old school. Not all tradition is bad, in my opinion.

  • Why do you think that a man offering to pay makes him a bigger person? Does a woman offering to pay maker her a bigger person? If so, why should that "opportunity" go only to the man?

    I don't derive my sense of pride and dignity from treating women better than I treat myself or men in general. And I don't. I find your assertion that a man should do this to be a subtle shaming attempt towards men who don't feel that way (in essence, saying, "If you don't offer to pay, you should feel inadequate and insignificant.")

    I think who pays for the date should be decided between the (presumably) two parties, based on their values.

    Women expecting men to take on any kind of extra burden (that he doesn't equally benefit from) just to have access to either sex/intimacy or even just the opportunity to get sex/intimacy to be "trading on vagina," or, essentially, being a whore.

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  • I think this makes sense for older people, but for young people this is some really outdated crap. Dates in general are kind of outdated.

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  • I paid 60 for the cake & coffee. She later paid 33 for the dinner. Fair enough

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  • I'd pay if I liked the girl because I'm not gonna blow a great date over trivialities but what makes women so much more fucking special that we have to pay for their company? You pay to bring someone somewhere when they are going for your sake. If you wanted to go then you should be prepared to pay.

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    • Absolutely - a man paying does not mean the woman shouldn't expect to. That's why I added the last line. Women who do expect it are not worth it, in my opinion.

      You said you wouldn't want to lose a woman you really cared about over trivialities. that's exactly my view. Money is trivial. Equality is not, but choosing where you make your stand shows your character.

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    • If my friend invited me to do something and I wanted to go I wouldn't expect him to pay just because he invited me.

    • And I also think saying whoever asks pays is a cop-out because men are typically the ones who are expected to make the first move. So in most cases it'd just be the man paying anyways.

  • First 3 dates I split the bill. She pays for hers, I pay for mine. If the relationship continues I may offer to cover the bill. And I let her know too.

    I'm not here to be your 'free meal ticket,' likewise I don't want you to be mine.

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    • Is 3 a hard and fast rule? That's a very specific number.

    • It's more of a rule of thumb. Not a strict guideline but something to keep me grounded in the realization that some women use dates to score a free lunch or something.

    • Oh man, that reminds me of this woman that, when times were hard, joined a dating site specifically to have men pay for her meals. She just went on a date every 1-2 days and took home the leftovers. This went on for weeks...

      To me, what she did is not even in the same ballpark. There are many reasons a guy may not offer. There's only one reason for taking advantage of people.

      "Girls who aren't genuine in their insistence over paying the first check... a wise lady knows that she is not entitled to anything." A guy paying (for the 1st date) is a kindness on his part. A good person will acknowledge that, and will appreciate him for making the first move towards selflessness. Unfortunately, it's hard to tell which kind of person they are.

  • ""However, the man should never let her pay.""

    If she insists on paying her half, then why would I argue?

    And why do my genitals determine whether I should apparently force her to not pay for her own half?

    I think people should generally want to pay their own half (regardless of sex), and if one party wants to pay for the participation fee of the other, then they should offer to (regardless of sex), and if the other insists to pay their own, then they should not pry any further.

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  • i disagree.
    The one asking for the date should pay.

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  • Couldn't agree more 😄

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  • Yes lets infer equality, but totally screw over men in the process. Brilliant.
    I obviously disagree with you on that.
    I can only agree on paying half-half as a norm, being that both parties infer they would like to pay.

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  • "We women want equal rights! ... But only when it's convenient to us!"

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  • Whoever does the asking out should pay.

    Its called common courtesy

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    • I'd say that's logical, not courteous. Asker + x = pay. Asker eating by self (x=0) means they pay. Asker eating with other (s) (x=1+) means they still pay. To me, going beyond the formula shows character but you're not wrong, though.

  • I disagree I believe it should always be split.
    I pay for my food she pays for hers it's only fair.

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  • for the first date splitting is best and after getting dipper turns because we will start understanding.

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  • I think that is an outdated tradition that proves men are more assertive than women

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  • If I pay do I get special treatment since I forked out the money?

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  • Convenient how you get to decide that his pride and dignity and your pride and dignity both align in the form of you getting his money. That's literally entitlement.

    There are women who feel pride and dignity in paying for themselves or both and guys that feel a sense of losing pride and dignity in the expectation of paying.

    To me, this is a sign of disrespect. Now a girl who insists on paying for the whole thing, me included, now that's amazing.

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  • With the analogy you used for "pride and sense of dignity", why doesn't that then apply to girls, surely a woman also has pride and a sense of dignity, and they can also hold open doors for people behind them. So she shouldn't have to expect the man to pay for the first date, honestly, with women pushing for equality, they have to realize they are throwing old traditions out the door too, such as the guy ALWAYS paying for dates. Traditionally, the guy always pays, its the "gentlemen" thing to do, but in this generation, fair is fair, just go dutch. He can still be a gentlemen in many many other ways, not only paying for dinner. And most cases, a guy offers to pay because that is what is expected from gender roles, it has more to do with that than his own pride. Seriously, dutch solves everything, if the girl is annoyed because he didn't fulfill social expectations that is her issue, and I would say she has problems, because what is wrong with being fair.

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  • I personally would not want to date somebody like that. I want somebody who is an equal and doesn't expect me to pay for her stuff just because I'm a guy

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 16

  • I disagree because I believe in equality. I don't believe that me having a vagina means a man has to pay for my food. I don't believe having a penis means you have to foot the bill every time because I don't live in the past and my views are progressive. We want equal rights? Both people are responsible for paying. I don't believe women need to be shown respect through the means of money, I believe respect is given and earned through social means. I also don't think paying = dignity either. I believe that's all dependent on the kind of person he is.

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  • I would say that seeing as the girl ate half of the meal, drank half of the drinks ordered, she should pay half of the bill, regardless of whether it's the first date or not - or she should at least pay what she owes. That would just be the most comfortable thing for me. After our relationship progressed, I would feel comfortable allowing him to pay for dates, as long as I was allowed to contribute something, or I would pay for the next date, but the idea of him paying for me to go out when it's our first date isn't really pleasant.

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  • Erm... no! Not at all, whoever asks should pay, offer if you want but the main thing we should remember is: STOP FOLLOWING BULLSHIT RULES MADE UP BY NOBODY'S!

    Just be two humans having a meal, it isn't difficult to figure out who pays the bill, you either pay it all because you asked the person out or you ask to split it because we are adults who can support ourselves.

    Your idea is outdated and sexist.

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  • I'm of the mindset that you should pay for yourself on the first date so you don't "owe" anyone anything if you don't end up liking them.

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    • Girl, I have the same mentality as you. It's been hard allowing others to shoulder any responsibility when it comes to myself, like: if its his choice, then you owe him nothing. If he holds hidden expectations, that is on him alone. We can shout and cry that we are owed anything. Doesn't mean it's valid and in most cases, we're owed shit all. :) same goes for others, too.

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    • Usually, I do not and the waiter gets frustrated and brings two bills.

    • Hahah reminds me of my Asian girlfriends and family members. Oh, the moves we'd pull and the cunning we'd display to cheat each other out of the check.

  • I don't know! I never been on a date before but I would ask him to pay first! Since its my first date! lol And then I'll pay the next! Since we are college student it wouldn't be fair if he had to pay!

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    • If it was your first date ever I'd be willing to pay, just out of the joy of treating another human being to a first step in the world of romance.

      But if you'd been on dates before I'd wanna split it lol.

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    • @jjmarvin aww... so sweet ! I am planing for next week to volunteering at a garden just so I can make friends! Then I am just going to chill at school and see what I see! lol its time for me to spread out.

    • Do it! Be brave! <3

  • Disagreed. Why should men in particular always pay for the first date? That's sexist.

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  • Honestly majority of the time I would reject the day and tell him I don't have any money to spare for that kind of thing. Plus I would hate to have him paying for me. So I would just reject him in the first place if I can't pay for myself. :D

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  • Agreed with you. And that's what I would ALWAYS do.
    The first time he pays, the second time I pay, the third time he pays, the fourth time I pay and so on.

    There's a guy who was interested in me but on the first date he didn't bring enough money which pissed me off. A few more times he brought $0 so I had to pay for everything. Even for food.
    Excuse? "I have on my card only". Like he has never used atm. Made me feel stupid, to be honest. I didn't want to date him - I didn't have any interest in him anyway.

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  • I think it's ridiculous to have rules for this. You just pay for your own things. Like what you do when you go out with friends and if someone wants to pay for you, then that's just a gift. Not obligated to do so but appreciated by the other. Do you owe someone if they give you a gift? No ofcourse not. If someone can't pay for the date then you find something that's affordable for the both of you. Am I the only one who thinks like that? Why does a date have to have that pedestral to be treated differently than a normal meet-up?

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  • Your opinion is a little confusing to me. If a man paying for a woman's dinner shows pride, respect, dignity etc. then does that mean the woman has none because she doesn't pay for his dinner? Why does that only apply one way because one of the two people happens to have a penis.

    It seems like your way of thinking is "it's the thought that counts". Well if I see someone lifting something heavy, thinking about helping them doesn't actually help them.

    Actions speak louder than words. That's why I like paying for myself every single time. I don't look at the guy any different for letting me do it, I don't respect him any less, if anything I respect him more for not opposing the fact that it's my decision to pay for myself.

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  • Whoever asks should pay.

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  • I believe whoever asks for the first date should pay or we both pay for ourselves. After a relationship forms it would be equal. Ill get the bill just as much as he does. But honestly the dates I like most usually cost around $20 or less.

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  • I'm not interested in starting the relationship with deception.

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    • Deception? Where?

    • This isn't an attack on your opinion. I'm just saying I'm not going to offer to pay if I have no intention of doing so if he accepts the offer.

    • No worries! I was genuinely asking where the deception was in my question. :) But I see how it would be deception on your part. I like the honesty, and yes, I agree. You should never pay lip service - don't offer if you have no intention of following through!

  • I don't why this is a big deal seriously, split the bill or she can pay or he can pay whatever works for the couple on the first date.

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  • I think whoever asks for the date pays for it.

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  • since im a girl, yeah.
    if i were a guy i would be arguing against it lol.

    $$$

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    • The last line was for this type of thinking. To add to it: ALWAYS go into anything with the expectation of paying your own way. Depend on no one. :) a guy paying is going above and beyond, not the status quo.

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