I love this site and read up on all sorts on here, so when I came across a little speed bump in my own dating world, I thought, just the place!
I had a first date with a wonderful and attractive man, all the signs were there; maintained eye contact, offered to buy the drinks (even though I offered first), laughing, and so on!
.. He walked me home and we had a singular hug at my doorstep, date over.
The text messages that ensued afterwards were very long winded and soppy, along the lines of..
"Never met a girl like you"
"I look forward to what might develop"
"Over the moon I'm getting to know you"
"Positive influence in my life"
"I will take care of and respect you"
"Will always make time to see you"
"I will do you proud (concerning a rugby game he was playing)"
This man (26) has been in the armed forces for fives years at the age of 20.. Which absolutely amazing and extremely admirable.. Almost expected him to be a little regimental and stiff in his behaviour and communication. He also mentioned a majority of his relationships have been long distance.
Now this guy has already told his sister, father and mother about me and he tells me that they ask how I am and what I'm doing (I haven't met them, I've only seen him once, although we text daily and talk on the phone regularly).
What is the majority opinion? Does this come across as a needy attitude or should I give him a chance in your opinion?
Guys, is this how you might approach a woman?
Maybe I've been dating the wrong type of man previously..
I'm just interested in your thoughts.. :)
First date and texting - Too keen or one in a million?
What Guys Said 2
What that means is that the chemicals that are released in the infatuation stage of a new relationship (often referred to as NRE - New Relationship Energy) are being released full force in this guy. This guy's brain is flooding him with dopamine, norepinephidrine, phenylethylamine and serotonin. And it is making you seem like the most perfect angel ever created... in his mind.
This is far from a 1 in a million thing. This is actually a fairly common thing. Just it usually doesn't hit a person right away. But it can, and it's where that whole 'love at first sight' comes from. It happens when the brain starts firing up for a new relationship, and it can happen just from the idea of a relationship. It doesn't even require an actual relationship for it to kick off - it's the brain events behind things like young teen girls falling completely 'in love' with certain rock stars or celebrities.
What it means is that this guy does actually think that. Right now. It's not 'true' emotions, they are chemical highs produced by the brain (in fact, the drug ecstasy works by firing off almost all of the same chemicals). They will not last forever, they are designed for two 'strangers' to feel artificially attracted to each other long enough for real emotions to form underneath. But you never know how long they will last, and sometimes they can turn off immediately and a guy that seems like he worships you will one day not have the time of day for you.
It is very dangerous to make 'long term plans' based on feelings fuelled by the artificial high of NRE. So don't hear his words and suddenly think he is going to feel this way for the rest of his life. It doesn't work that way. BUT, you can hear those words and know that right now, he feels very obsessed with you, and you really seem like the central figure in his happiness. This obsession can be a good thing, but it is a double-edged sword and can have negative effects as well.
In this particular case, he seems to be getting dangerously attached too quickly, the chemicals are hitting him really hard, really fast, and it can be a case where the 'awwww, that's sweet' can cross the line into creepy obsession really easily.
Don't assume he is lying to you, but understand what is happening to cause such a fast response in him. And understand that it is clouding his judgement, and you do not actually know how he would think of you three years from now.
Move forward, obviously, but just be cautious.1
Seems a BIT on the enthusiastic side, but doesn't sound creepy or sleazy... I vote proceed with the relationship if you like him and are having fun, but pay attention if he's jumping head first into a serious relationship too fast, don't be afraid to slow him down a bit. I think a good relationship needs to develop over at least a little bit of time.
Have fun and good luck!1
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