Why don't men my age wanna date mommies?

I am a 24 year old mother of two beautiful boys (can't have anymore) my boys mean the world to me!

I am single and for some reason seem to stay that way once the guy finds out that I have my boys. My question is why do men pull away once they realize I'm a mom? I mean both my boys have fathers and I'm definitely not looking for a new one for them nor do I need any man to help me with them!

I am still young and love to date but my children always are a deal breaker (not that dating is more important than my boys because if you can't accept them then you don't accept me! ) I just want to know what goes through a guys head (age 23-27) when they hear I have children because things can be going great and we can be hitting of swimmingly then my mommy card comes out and the interest suddenly goes away. Any advice or comments would be great unless you wanna tell me to not tell them I am a mommy because that's just not an option!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Although I'm 33 now, when was in my mid to late 20's, I met a lot of single moms and I dated 2 of them; here is why I realized single moms were not for me:

    ---Going on a date meant that first, a baby sitter needed to be found and if there was no baby sitter then, what we could do was hang out at her home and most of the times, the time was spent baby sitting the kids, and by the time the kids went to sleep, mommy was looking so tired, that I felt bad hanging around and it was best to leave so she could rest.

    ---One of the things is I love to do is traveling; previous to the single moms, I dated girls who would love to go on road trips; obviously, I couldn't do that with the single mommies because as you know, most kids have a routine, and going to a place to wander around and do spontaneous things, was definitely not an option; also going on field trips is not as romantic when the kids are around; and , I'm talking about a dating relationship, not a father and mother relationship where field trips are family dates.

    ---One of the girls I dated that was a single mom---her breakup with the ex was not a friendly one, and hence, a lot of what I heard had to do with the drama going on with the ex, or the past, and of course, the kids always brought up daddy somehow; well, at the time, I didn't have the patience to be compared to daddy, cause I was not a daddy, and kids will always be kids! :)

    ---As much as you say that you're not looking for a father, and that the kids already have a father, because of whatever reason, kids do get attached; I always have a good time with kids, and it goes to the length that I did feel responsible for those kids. AT the time, I was in school, working full time, and trying to advance in my job career. Many times I would go to my exes house to spend time with her, but I didn't have the patience to play with the kids or pay them attention, but I know that has a negative effect on them, so I did my best to entertain those kids, but inside of me I thought, 'i don't have the time and patience for this. I can't be doing this. "

    ----So after having dated single girls that had no kids, and after dating single moms, I decided: With so many beautiful, single women out there, why complicate my life with a single mom when there are all these single women out there that don't have any kids?

    Easy choice, as you can see.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I can't speak for other guys but I can speak for myself.

    When guys are with a woman who has kids we feel kinda like we have a responsibility to be a second dad to the kids, and that means having to take on a lot of financial responsibilities. A guy who isn't already financially established won't want to do that, and most guys that age are either still in college or just finishing it up, in any case, they're not ready to "become a dad" yet, and whether theyre you're kids or not, when you're with a woman whos got kids, you feel responsible to try and be a dad.

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  • If someone is in love, it doesn't matter whether she have kids or not! Nothing else matters!

    For long or short-term dating, as others have pointed out, guys (and girls too) want to keep it simple and free of any baggage!

    Good luck in finding your soul-mate!

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    • I totally agree...and given that this ? was wrote over a year ago I actually have found my soul mate and the funny thing is is that it's my kids daddy anyway... lucky me.....we got back together about 6 months ago and I am soooo happy!!!!!

    • Good for you, stick with him! Best wishes to you both!

  • I have to agree with tegdim, if a guy were to hit it off with you and it came down to the idea of possibly marriage, and yes even though both of your boys have fathers the norm I think is that the woman not so much the man has primary custody of the children, there are of course those rare circumstances where the man has custody of the kids. But again even though they have their own father what guy wants to raise in the sense of providing in general food, shelter, clothes etc for another mans children. I could be way off with this but perhaps that is what some women and maybe even men don't want to admit is the reason to not date a woman with kids. I guess sure there is that factor of more often than not its not exactly easy for a single mother who works,and or goes to school as well to find a babysitter for her to go out date and whatnot which can be a barrier.

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  • Maybe the guys you dated want a family with just you and him, not other man's kids. Usually guy who date at age 23-27 will start to look for a stable relationship.

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  • Hell I find women who have had kids sexy just to let you know

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  • Who wants to deal with extra baggage and being ranked 3rd in a woman's life.

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    • Thats def...a egotistical answer my lord get a life

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    • LMFAO....I know you aren't talking to ME. The only full picture I have is from 3 months after I gave birth! Haha....

    • I may come off as an ass but this is just because I am honest.

  • To me mother (mommies) turn me on because it shows me their stable and loving but still needs a man in her life I don't have any kids but one day I would but if they accept that then their stupid I would love to b a father even if it would have to be step!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Usually when guys see that a woman is a single mother, they think "baggage" right off the bat. Most younger guys especially aren't ready or aren't thinking about that kind of responsibility because when you accept a person with children, it's a package deal. It's also unhealthy for the children if they see mommy going from guy to guy. I didn't mean that in a slutty way either, just that if they don't have a consistent father figure in their life, they may blame you for that and maybe the guys don't want to be responsible for that if it doesn't work out.

    Also maybe because you are a young mother with 2 boys from 2 different guys(I'm assuming because you said they have fathers. As in plural daddies) That may be what is turning them off from you. My mom is a single mother of 4 from 2 different dads and she's had to deal with that a lot over the years. But she's in a healthy relationship now and I couldn't be happier for her.

    There's hope and you'll find your man one day. Just don't look so hard and he'll come to you. Good luck and Happy Mother's Day!

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  • I am a mother myself, and me and my guy aren't married but we have been together for quite awhile. I will tell you the reason men don't want to date women with children,and it is the same reason there are so many deadbeat dads out there. Men are lucky they can wipe their own asses let alone take on responsibility for another human being. The are immature, selfish little babies themselves and God forbid that don't have your undivided attention for one minute. They don't want to have to share you with someone else and don't like not being able to do what they want to do right when they want to do it. SELFISH. That is what it is. Men and just big babies themselves (MOST OF THEM) and still want YOU to be their mothers, and how are you going to be able to do that when you have two other little lives to take care of that actually need your time and attention?

    Anyone who rules out someone as a potential partner based solely on the fact they have children is a asshole and isn't worth your time anyways. Mothers can go out and have fun just likes women without children, yes a babysitter might be required but so what? You will find a MAN, that's right a MAN not a little boy who will be willing to accept your children but it may take time. Also, try finding other single men with children from dating website or through friends and such (no deadbeat dads of course!) that way he will understand the life you live and you can have some common ground. I know it sucks that men don't want to get involved with you because of your children but you don't want those type of men in your life anyways. You will find someone just give it time and tell every man you meet upfront first thing about your children and if they don't like it they know where they can stick it!

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    • I hate for people to write other people off due to the fact that they have children. Men treat single women with children like the plauge, I just don't think that's not right.

    • Trust me, I'm not that way. in fact the girl I'm trying to end up with right now has 2 kids.

  • Although I'm a girl I think the reason they don't date mommies is because the first that comes into their mind is that they're looking for a dad to help them but they don't know that you just want to date and have a real relationship. They are just afraid of it all. Keep looking and I'm sure you will find a guy that loves you and your boys

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