Any tips on how to find a good guy?

No matter how what I do I always find the jerks and douche bags. It seems like all guys want me for is sex! Why is that? All my friends say I'm the nicest person they've ever met, I basically give every guy a chance, I'm not picky, I've dated guys in almost every race I have knowlage of, and Im not stingy with sex so what is it? I'm starting to think its something wrong with me because I always attract the same type of guy. I just don't understand why I have such bad luck with guys. One of my sisters is already married and pregnant and I feel bad because my life is at a stand still. I don't want to end up lonely but I don't want to settle for these man whores and assholes that I keep meeting either! Any advice on what I can do to find a better guy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The biggest problem is probably going to be the combination of your age plus the fact that you are very attractive (if it's you in your profile pic, anyway).

    Because you are really pretty, you are going to draw the attention of a lot of alpha males. And a lot of alpha males are not 'good guys', because the personality traits that give them the confidence to pursue numerous attractive women also tend to be the same kind of personality traits that make a guy seem like a jerk or douche bag.

    A nice, pretty girl that is starting to have confidence/esteem issues because she has been struggling with men is like blood in the water to a bunch of sharks. You are going to be like a beacon to players, which will just make your experiences worse, which make you more vulnerable to even more players who are able to say the things you want to hear.

    Since you can't really do much about the way you look, you are always going to be attracting guys that are players. BUT, it will be much worse if you tend to spend time in areas that are frequented by players. So if you are meeting guys in bars, or at dance clubs, you are never going to be able to get out of that spiral. If you want to find nice guys, good guys, you have to put yourself in the locations where those guys are found.

    Guys that are older is one solution, as the douche bag nature will occasionally start to dissipate after their prefrontal cortex is finally finished developing in their late 20s. But beyond that, it will depend on things like hobbies. Think about hobbies you like, and then think about the types of hobbies that guys would have that match some of your criteria. And then make sure you are at the places where that happens, or in the clubs that deal with it. Certain groups at university can be good bets. Or running groups. Or tabletop gaming groups. Or dance class. Whatever, doesn't matter, as long as you have a bit of interest and there will be guys there that have those interests that won't necessarily be alpha males.

    And to be honest, there is no way that someone that looks like you is going to be lonely forever. It just may take multiple years for the types of guys that you want to find you will develop the nerve to pursue you. Until then, it will be the aggressive types.

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    • Yeah im gonna try that and I know I probably won't be lonely FOREVER but maybe just for a while but its hard to keep hope alive lol. I guess I just feel desperate at this point.

    • Yeah, that's a reasonable thing to feel in your situation. You are in that weird middle zone where you are really pretty so you attract a lot of guys, but the guys you attract are into you simply because you are pretty, which tends to put the focus on sex and physical interaction and not on you as a person. It the entire type of guy you seem to be attracting that's the problem, there isn't anything wrong with you. It will get better.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe try being single for awhile. It's nice to have a guy and all that, but if you keep having such bad luck maybe it's time to just focus on yourself... Once you try to make yourself happy and not worry about "finding love," a lot of good things will happen and you can start attracting better guys. Good luck. It's not easy out there.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Be yourself, be opened minded, and nobody is perfect:

    Being your self is the most important part in any kind of relationship. You always want your partner to fall in love with you, not whom your pretending to be. It's alright to be abnormal with your clothes as long as your partner knows the truth about it. Make sure to creat any opportunity to interact with your partner (so also he is aware your interested in him).

    Being opened minded shows that you really care for the guy. It also gives the guy an opportunity to be himself. He will really enjoy the fact that you are willing to do stuff with him, especially if your not a huge fan ( there are a few exceptions to this for example sexual desires). It also give s you an opportunity to spend time with him, as long as you are with him that's all that matters.

    Finally, no body is gonna be mr/miss perfect, everybody has there flaws. You just need to learn to tolerate their flaws (like appearance and likes). if you learn to get by their flaws might encourage them to get past your flaws. Nothing means more to a partner then to love them what they have, not what they don't have.
    I really hope this helps, please feel free to ask questions.

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  • Your 21 years old sweetheart, why are you worried about being locked down at 21? This isn't 1945 where people got married at 15 years old. Live your life, I'm 24 and am looking forward to the rest of my twenties doing whatever I please.

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    • I know I'm only 21 years old and I'm not really trying to lock myself down its just that I've never been in a real relationship and I don't understand why. I just don't get what is so worthless about me that all I'm good for is fucking for a while and then moving on. With all the guys I've dated not one of them sees anything else in me then sex and I'm starting to feel like maybe its not the guys but its me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

  • Where exactly are you meeting these guys? If it's happening around the same social settings maybe change where you hang out. I personally never try to meet women in a romantic sense at bars or clubs even though those places are practically meant for that because I know that all the wrong type of women go to those places. Sure there may be some nice ladies but they're drowned out by the mass of selfish ones with terrible personalities.

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  • I would say do a little homework. Find out where they come from. A little about their background is a good idea to know. Sometimes when people have it all, they have standars or think everything is disposal.

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  • "I'm not picky, I've dated guys in almost every race I have knowlage of, and Im not stingy with sex so what is it? "

    Maybe you should start being so. All guys would like sex, but if you want a relationship, he's gotta prove he's in it for you, and sex would be a nice addition to it.
    Also, you are 21, give yourself some time. Some of my friends who are 30, now, started having kids.

    "One of my sisters is already married and pregnant"

    So?
    Anyway, don't worry, you will find someone.

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  • If you meet guys at parties and bars, you will meet guys looking for the love of their night, not the love of their life. Try getting involved with a hiking club, or some group that is for people with a common interest in something you enjoy, whether its skiing, math, roller coasters, whatever. Check out meetup. com for groups in your area

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  • Thats what most guys these days are after.. they kum to claim their trophies and show it off to their buddies. I hooe u aren't stupei enough to be one of their victim..

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  • Simply said I would go for guys that are
    1. Is financially stable.
    2. Show kindness to others.
    3. Has a great sense of humor.
    4. Don't expect him to be a 10.

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  • Ok so douchebags and players are going to be more assertive. A nice decent guy might not be as assertive. They'll probably go about their business.

    where do you meet these guys?

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    • So far its been parties, mutual friend, school, bar, and work

    • I mean, not to seem rude but you're a very good looking woman so you would attract a lot of attention.
      I would if i were you, not meet guys at parties, clubs or bars but maybe places that youd want a guy to be.
      a library, book store, museum, cafe etc...

      hope this helped...

  • Honestly, just be patient. The right guy will come along, you just have bad luck is all. Continue being nice and sweet, and you'll meet that guy who is the exact same way.

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  • "No matter what I do"

    What are you doing?

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  • Buy one with the best reviews on Amazon.

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  • Yeah go to a book store and find a nerd or go to the pet store and find a guy who needs a puppy for love because he is too shy to approach girls... good guys are not found in bars or clubs or anything remotely like that at all.

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  • Where are you looking for these guys?

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  • Any tips on how to find a good woman?

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  • I know the dating world out there is difficult to find the right guy and i wish i could offer some valuable advice but i don't know what to say actually. I have seen some of your posts and judging by your comments i don't think you should feel like something is wrong with you. I meet many girls who say the same thing over and over again about guys who just want sex. I know its damn hard to stay alone and i was there at one stage in my life but please don't settle for a guy just for the sake of it.

    All i say is that focus on YOU and hopefully that good guy will come to you. I wish i could say something on how to find a better guy but they are few and far between.

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  • You wanna listen the truth?
    You look like a bitch that not a bad thing and yew I'm not insulting you it's what I think that's why you attaract guys who just want you for sex if you want to find a nice guy then the one you find is you're type go and talk to him don't sit at home dreaming of a guy who will come to you

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  • If you wait around for a guy to approach you you will only get the guys other women, women willing to approach men, don't want. Maybe you will get lucky and be attract a good guy but you'd stand a much better chance by finding a good guy and approaching him.

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  • Maybe internet dating on a decent site? Could be where you meet them, is there any activities you enjoy that you might meet them in?

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    • To be completely honest I'm petrified of Internet dating something about it really freaks me out but I meet guys all the time just not the good ones. I wonder if I should dress differently?

    • Could change your look and see what happens

What Girls Said 8

  • hmm... Thats the thing sex is on a guys mind always no matter how kind he is! Its part of them you got to accept it unless your asexual but that something else. You want me diffrent guys that are sweet and kind then go to church or volunteer! Only a good sweet human being would give up his time to help others!

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  • Project an image that is less sexy. Dont have sex until you are sure he is a good guy. Know what you want. Date older.

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  • Then try not letting them have sex so easy, give it time, your actions will show how much you want a good relationship that isn't based over sex. So don't rush things :)

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  • My mom always said the good ones are in church! Haha, I found mine online, so that's not completely true! Where are you meeting these guys? Where these guys hangout, what they do with their time, who they are with can tell you a lot about them! Try something different! Maybe you are attracting those guys because you are apealing to that kind of guy. Keep your standards high because lowering them, like you said will only have you end up with a douche bag!

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  • it never hurts to meet a nice guy for once "sigh

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  • Maybe you're just being too easy?

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  • well if you dont dress too provocative

    then it is just not your fault, I've read the guy's answers and they are prettyyyyy good. you know what the problem is?
    all these cheap sluts running around
    seriously, they are so easy guys think girls really ARE that desperate, and why settle down when you have free sex offers running around? why commit when you can just go to the next one if one says no to sex after 5 seconds of meeting? why risk heart break when you can sleep around when you can satisfy your body fully without any commitment?

    and then some girls see how much care and attention these ***** are given and they want that too, because they want to be loved as well, but they usually end up with a broken heart at the end, and a hurt girl = cold girl... and the cycle go on and on... it's sad and pathetic really, women are indirectly hurting other women by acting like desperate sex addicts and they bend over backwards to impress guys (with wrong methods)

    people are so proud of being sooooooo far from modesty and "prude" is now a bad thing for some reason... they dont see how it is destroying them and destroying others
    real love is so rare these days for a reason...

    sorry for the rant lol its been on my mind for a while , i exploded here lol probably doesn't make muh sense anyways lol

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  • Maybe you should be picky and raise your standards on who you give a chance. People usually show their true selves when you first meet them. Seriously, like the first few minutes.

    How do you dress? I saw on Steve Harvey where it showed a really nice and smart girl that attracted bad guys because of how she dressed. She wore really revealing clothing and stuff.

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