So I'll be chatting with a woman and we're having a good time and I'm starting to see myself spending more intimate time with her in the future then out of nowhere I'll start getting more casual and friend zone the shit out of them. She can be really cute and desirable to me but I'll start using friendly terms like buddy and friend with her in an almost too forward way lol..
Part of me thinks it's because I realize that the front I put on to reel in women isn't the real me. I act in such a way that I know is desirable to most women instead of being who I am which is very successful most times I should add. Part of me is afraid to let a woman get to know the real me because I know I'm not exactly a traditional guy with typical masculine traits. I know that eventually a woman will see that and she will most likely not see me as a romantic/sexual interest after that. After a while they will notice that I'm more of a passive and laid back guy who prefers that a woman makes decisions most of the time. I suppose that I have this ideal image of what a woman likes in my head and pretend to emulate that and I get exhausted putting on that facade. I guess my friend zoning might be self fulfilling prophecy. Then again I know this is unreasonable because all women are different. Some may prefer a laid back guy that doesn't prefer to take charge and fight their battles for them. I'm just operating in stereotypes..
What do you guys think? I ask this because I'm trying to get over my neurotic perfectionism and I'm trying to be me for the first time. The only problem is the facade is generally more desirable than being who I am. It feels counterproductive even though I know a woman will figure it out eventually. Being me will have far less success but I'll have a chance of finding someone who likes me for me.
Please give me some advice.
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Well, you obviously know why. You explained the why to us. What you're looking for is not a reason why you're doing it, I'm guessing what you're looking for is a solution to your problem.
Ok as I see it, there are three solutions:
1) Stay with the facade. Get the women interested like you usually do, but then when you feel it could get intimate and you're about to say "buddy" or some shit. Catch yourself in the act and stop it!
Or if you've already said it and you're like awww shit. Then say something flirty or with sexual innuendo, you might feel inner resistance to doing it. But push through that. It'll make sure you're keeping it open to intimacy.
Practise being honest about your feelings. Nothing wrong with "you know, I really like you..." And then if interest is reciprocated, you can be more yourself as the person gets used to you more.
2) Stay with the facade initially, then practise opening up bit by bit until you're honestly you with them. If they still accept and like you for who you really are then be honest about your feelings. Happy ending.
3) Try to be you, completely and honestly from the beginning. Take reassurance that although less people may seem interested, the ones who do truly like you for you.
See the thing is you're using a universally appealing facade. And you're finding a lot of general initial success. But you just have to realise that if you're fully you, you'll have less success because you're a very specific and unique person, and you'll only be a fit for a small percentage of girls. And that goes for every other dude out there.
So if you do get success by being you, truly, then it'll generally be much deeper than what you've had so far.
Last but not least don't really sweat the whole facade thing. Most people have a mask for others. I have one, quite frankly if I was quirky random me with very new person I meet and in every situation, I would be displaying very low social intelligence. There are times where it's appropriate and times where it's not. I'd act in ways that are just odd, weird and inappropriate in certain settings. Having a mask just shows that you're aware of social etiquette and how you should and shouldn't act. That's not a bad thing. The problem is when you can't be you around people you're intimate with or close to, in the private sphere. Or if you can't open up to people you're getting to know.5