What do you do when your partner is justifiably upset with you?

I'm not one to hold grudges and certainly know how to pick my battles but when my boyfriend does something that truly hurts my feelings I have a hard time shaking it off.

I'm not saying I hold onto it and pull it out during a fight 2 weeks later. But it takes me at least a few days for me to get over the pain even after he said sorry.

Sometimes sorry try just isn't enough but I know it has to be or the relationship is dead in the water.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I apologize and then give them space

    I know what you're saying about how an apology isn't necessarily enough to fix something. it usually takes me a few hours to get back into a good head space. I've worked on this though but reminding myself that my partner doesn't have bad intentions... they are human and make mistakes and should be forgiven for those mistakes

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    • Thanks. He actually managed to flip it around in me!

      I had good reason to be hurt by something he did last night and before that he was being icy. No because of me but other stuff and I really thought it was me. So I gave him so 'I feel' statement which he took as accusations...

      I'm not mad anymore since through a series of conversations I understand his deal. I gained this understanding through the I feel statements but now he has a raw bottom over those. Hopefully we'll get there I tried explaining to him that just because I feel something doesn't mean I believe it to be true or even in some cases justified.

      Your last part about reminding yourself their intent wasn't bad no matter howich it upset you helps. He just hasn't had many long term relationships so every time we have a little disagreement it seems as though the sky is falling.

      Trying to get him to understand I'm not leaving over a stupid fight or without thinking it over for a few days.

What Guys Said 3

  • Your boyfriend says... "sorry"? Wow! You are one LUCKY girl... my wife has said "sorry" to me exactly two times during 30 years of marriage!

    Me? I've said it at least 100.

    Love my wife to death... I've just learned to read her body language and I tell when she's sorry. She really has a problem saying it though and most of the women I've known have too.

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  • the trick is to never make her upset xD if she is, i just ask her how i can redeem it.

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  • Isn't that two different things? I mean on the one hand there are things which truly hurt you and on the other there are things which you are justified in being upset about.

    You and your partner might very well define those things quite differently. I am quick to apologize and make it up if I am convinced I am in the wrong but just because my partner is upset is not enough to convince me. She had better have a good reasoned argument or she can be as upset as she likes, it won't move me an inch.

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    • I agree. Just because I'm upset doesn't necessarily mean he is in the wrong. I'll tell him it upset me but if he was just being truthful then it is what it is.

      The better of these two options though are when I'm sorry is a remedy because the things you can't apologize for are the things that end a relationship. Like never inviting you to meet his friends, or inviting you then giving away your seat. He shouldn't say sorry for not wanting to be seen with me but it also isn't anything we can move past.

What Girls Said 1

  • I have this problem too :( my ex said sorry to me twice in the entirety of our relationship and then it broke down because of his unwillingness to apologise and my absolute rage about this. It's horrible. I just want a guy that knows when he's wrong and how to apologise :/ seems too much to ask.

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