My boyfriend broke up with me. Can this be anxiety?

My boyfriend was a dream guy. He was everything I ever wanted. We were together for 9 months. We never had serious fights. We planned on a future together. He preached about me for 9 months. He has 2 boys, 13 and 16. I met his parents, his kids and his friends. I had a key to his house. He had 50% custody of his kids. Every other week when he did not have his kids, he stayed with me. The weeks he had his kids he visited me at least 3 times a week. We were so perfect for each other. My boy friend, out of a blue, two weeks ago he broker up with me. He told me he tried to love my child but he hasn't fallen in love with her yet and he wasn't sure if that will happen. She loved him unconditionally. He said I can't say you can find someone who loves you more than I do but you need to find someone who loves you and your child. He has been gone for two weeks now. How can you so in love with someone and do that? He texted me back last week and he said he knows it is hard decision but it is a good decision for everyone, He said he won't be dating a women with a child and that isn't what he wants for his future. He said I know I hurted you but you have God and in time your heart will heal. How can I be the love of his life, the women he wanted a future over 2 weeks ago to 'a women with a child and not what he wants for his future? I know he has anxiety issue. Is this some kind of anxiety? I haven't talked to him for over a week and the suspense is killing me. How can this be real? Will he snap out of this? The last 9 months we praised God every day and every minute for finding each other. We had so much in common and so much fun together. I know he is the only one who can explain this but I am wondering if this was ever happened to any of you and I really appreciate support.

Updates:
He has anxiety issue. His father didn't do anything with him. He doesn't do anything with his kids but takes care of them. I know his issues but trying to understand how someone can be so cold and cruel.
You guys are all amazing. I really appreciate your opinion and helping me a lot. It isn't all about him anymore but the situation really hurts a lot.
So my X is a director at his new company and two weeks after he broke up with me one of the VP who works for the company put in her Facebook announcing being in a relationship with him. A day later she put their pictures together in her profile. She is around my age and no kids. End of the story. He found himself a VP with no kids. Life goes and and knowing the truth helps.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's anxiety. I think it's fear. Of what I don't know.

    What I will say though is it's a crap excuse. I'm sorry, but being BRUTALLY honest, how many people love their spouses children from other people unconditionally? I'm not saying you don't love them, but there is a huge difference between loving a child and loving your child. It sounds like he is expecting to feel the love he has from his own and that's just wrong.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'm sorry to say but I really don't think that was the real reason he left. I've never heard of something like that before. I've never heard someone who was dating someone with a child even mention loving their SO's children. And I don't think people legitimately *try* to love someone. In this case, it seems to me, he would have either loved her or settled for liking her.

    And to be honest, telling someone you don't love their child sounds like a pretty sadistic troll move. I would never say that to someone who loved me because I would not want that person to resent their child. Either that or he just doesn't really feel empathy and wasn't able to understand how that would make you feel. Take this with a huge grain of salt but he sounds like a sociopath.

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    • My thoughts exactly. True or untrue you don't blame a break up on a child.

  • Good riddance. The asshole is a double standard. It isn't OK for a woman to have a child but its OK for him. He can't love another's child but he expects you to love his. This is far from a perfect or dream guy. He's a piece of shit

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  • 'Cause nothing lasts forever
    And we both know hearts can change
    And it's hard to hold a candle
    In the cold November rain

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  • Shit happens, move on

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well even if that is the real reason it is horrible for him to put it off on your kid like that. I also don't think many step parents go into a new marriage loving the kids and I don't think they should have to. If the kid is young that grows over time but there are some step parents who dont coparent as it would piss off the child's other parent.

    I don't know it sounds like a cop out to me. At the same time if someone broke up with me because they didn't like my dog I would have a hard time taking them back and that's just a dog. If they feel the problem is bad enough to wear they couldn't handle it that isn't a healthy environment for my pup and I would worry about her when I went out of town. That's just a dog but if he doesn't think he is fit to be in your child's life of go with it because it is hard to undo that kind of damage. She would most likely feel the disdain and that she wasn't loved like the others are.

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  • He is your EX! Why are you still focus on him! Think of your kid first they come first and foremost. Don't go begging for an ass who isn't man to tell you why he is leaving. Who know he might have found something else! I forbid you to think of such scumbag!

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  • Thats weird...

    So he can't be with a woman who has a kid? I wonder if he expects a woman to take him with his kids.. Still it seems a bit odd especially the fact that he was so into you and wanted to spend the rest of his life wit you. Its been said that sometimes when a man has boy children , you have to be equally careful with them around your girl child. At this point it could be anything.. maybe he has gotten cold feet or more importantly some one preferably a woman or a parent has been putting things in his head. The first couple of months you guys were dating , he had a chance to come out and to let you know that he can't be with a woman with a child. Something smells fishy and I think you need to get to the bottom of this

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  • he probably didn't mean anything that he said thou.

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