I know South Asian women are seen as never dating out, but keeping that stereotype aside for a moment... why is it I am never approached? I am sick and tired of hearing that I am intimidating, smart, and mysterious.
The intimidating tag comes from being power-dressing and walking confidently. I am not talking about getting hit on on the streets, that is harassment. People who get to know me, either think I am cute because I am very petite, or they then become intimidated when they see that I have an alpha femme personality. They usually expect me to be meek when they see an introverted Asian, so it comes as a shock. I am friendly, but I also know my own mind. The other day, I heard two men (who know me) say behind my back that I was sexy, but they would never dare say anything to me that would hint interest. I just don't understand why...
I have a certain maturity. The mysterious tag comes from that and the fact that I am from an ethnic background. I think people just assume that women of my race are mysterious. Wish people saw the person rather than the background for a change. After getting tired of not being approached, I even asked out a man who was showing all the signs of being interested. He totally freaked out and started behaving weirdly around me, it was like he could not believe a woman would do the asking out.
Maybe at this point only one thing can be blamed, my looks. Perhaps I am not all men's type. Generally, I have been called pretty, though personally I am a little more hard on my looks. I power-dress, have the confidence to go with it, and have naturally straight hair. In short, while I may not be gorgeous, I am presentable and have a lot of other qualities. For example, I am a published academic, went to some really nice schools, and I speak different languages. Achievements don't make someone datable, I know, so I don't tell that stuff to people, but this is just a general picture.
So what is my diagnosis, guy? by the way, I am not as old as the number above suggests. I am in my 20s.
Most Helpful Guy
Well, clearly it's not your looks because you have guys saying you are sexy.
Whether you wanna hear it or not ethnicity may be playing a part. A lot of guys will be intimidated by your confidence. Power dressing all the time says you are career focused, which is fine but will send a signal that you are not available or not interested before you even meet a guy. It seems like the power dressing thing is overly important to you so I am picturing an attractive well presented lady, very professional and intelligent but also overly confident and overly serious. This makes you difficult to approach because a guy will believe you are likely to reject him.1