Why are men advised to play hard to get? I find it such a turn off. Opinions?

Dating is simple. Two people intetested, they go out, they see if it works. Only one is interested, don't bother. Simple. I understand the psychology of playing hard to get... scarce resources are more attractive, etc etc. But I find it SUCH a turn off in a guy. I want a guy who knows what he wants. I don't have time to waste on little boys playing games. It's immature and irritating. I am shutting down on the guy I'm dating atm becuase of this. He keeps initating things and then not following through. And then telling me how much he likes me. If he's playing hard to get, tt really is unattractive. Why are men being given this advise? Yeah a guy following me around like a puppy is equally irritating. What is so wrong with straightforward and being upfront, and getting to the point? Jeesh


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Marry me ! Lol

    I so don't get it either. It's like someone once thought: dating is too simple, why not make it more complicated?
    I don't want games period. I always kinda liked those notes we would write when 9-10yo "Will yu go out wit me? Yes or no". I always liked how straightforward they were lol

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    • Yep and even when the answer was no, both kids got over it and stayed friends. No hard feelings :-D

Most Helpful Girl

  • I find it a turn off too.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Because a guy who shows more interest then the girl shows him will be seen as desperate and girls don't like that, the girl needs to be more into the guy, generally speaking.

    But there is a difference in that and simply being flaky or fickle, which is equally unattractive in a guy, and sounds like what this guy is. If you say your going to do something you should do it, that's just a sign of weakness.

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  • My wife tells me I have to be impossible to get, not just hard to get.

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  • PREACH!! i said this same thing to this girl once... she flipped shit and called me dumb. I guess she liked me lol

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  • I can honestly say playing hard to get is the best way to be women. If you don't you come off as needy and desperate. Plus women will walk all over you if you do and you will end up whipped. Playing hard to get makes the girl unsure if you are interested and if she is somewhat interested she will wonder how you feel, so now you have her thinking about you will most likely make her like you more. Plus it is actually easier to act this way. She wants to make plans doing something you don't want, say no, she has no idea why and you can do something you would rather do. Plus this actually helps with your confidence, you are being your own man doing your own thing and women actually like this. Or at least this is my take. After writing out it actually sounds a bit mean to me. As nice as it would be for everyone just to be straight forward we all play games, men and women alike, just how it is.

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    • I don;t mind a giy saying no... but I have way more respect for a man who is to the point and has his sh*t together. If I'm being flaky I wouldn't expect him to put up with it, same way I don;t want to put up with game playing. I don't think playing games and strenth of character are the same things.

  • I didn't know we were advised to play hard to get

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  • i'm pretty sure you got it backwards, bruh.

    "He keeps initating things and then not following through"... that's on the guy you're with.

    "What is so wrong with straightforward and being upfront, and getting to the point?"... i could ask the same question about girls.

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    • Ok, as I said below I think it applies to both sexes. My fault, I should have made the question gender neutral. Still tho does it work on some people?

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    • the texting doesn't matter too much... it's mroe we make loose plans... they fall through and then he's like so how come we didn't go out?

    • what's usually the reason the plans fall through?

  • Because we're taught not to be clingy or desperate, and that can be an even bigger turn off than playing extremely hard to get. Moderation is key, but better to be labeled as the guy who got nowhere because he played too hard to get than that creep who was too eager

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    • True. But is the balance really that difficult to strike? Especially if she's straightforward. I know someone can be like a rubix cube too. It does relate to both sides. But its jsut BS. lLike friends can meet up we all manage to make dentist appointments and work meetings, dating should be the same. Send me a meeting request, I accept we go out... no assing around

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    • Maybe he had bad experiences in the past, like he was being too clingy and because of that, is trying really hard to not make the same mistake lol. Give it some time to open up more, and if his behaviour still persists, you could either move on or try talking to him about it, depending on how you feel.

    • Thanks... that is true I suppose. Maybe I need to be less staright to the point... I willl try :-)

  • Because women are annoyingly difficult themselves.

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  • I need someone like you. No bs all upfront honesty. Your man will kentucky bastard

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    • Sometimes maybe I see things too clear cut. Maybe because of my work. But I jsut can't help wanting to cut through the cr*p. It's a waste of energy and time!

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    • Exuse me? ;-)
      Lawyers are some of the most confusing people on the planet, they like it like that.
      Mix of ages... depends who I am dealing with
      Their finacial situation doesn't interest me,,,,,,, I pay my own way :-)

    • That was well... vague. Do you take the lead in your relationships? I feel like you do

  • I can't help shake off the impression you are one of those dead fishes who do nothing in a relationship but expect the guy to do everything.

    If you don't produce enough feedback he may think you are the one who is not that interested.

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    • Cheers. He asked me out I said yes. He seemd shocked. We went on a first date and it went well, he asked me on a second, I said yes, he again, seemed surprised. I've said I'm interested, he just doesn't seem to believe me. But we make plans and they fall apart. I can't get to know him if we don't spend enough time together.

    • I am on the quiet side though... maybe its coz Im straightfroward... I'm like I've told you I'm interested and open to dating,,,,, lets move on... he doesn't seem convinced that I am... and I'm thinking he's the one acting like he can't be assed.

    • Saying you're interested doesn't mean anything if you don't show that you're interested. People lie.

  • Because you guys don't make it clear what you like. We do it because girls don't want a man kneeling to them as soon as they see them

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  • This doesn't sound like he's playing hard-to-get -- it sounds like he's a flake.

    I don't advise anyone to play hard-to-get. I find the behavior just as disgusting and dishonest in women. It doesn't mean you have to be easy or indiscriminate.

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  • Girls do this way more so I don't know why you're complaining about men get your own gender in line.

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  • "Why are men advised to play hard to get?"

    We are?

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  • we dont play hard to get some girls are not worth are time.

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    • See I take it as a lack of interest... but then he is the one initating everything?

  • It's all a load of bullshit. If you're keen on a girl they go off you, we all know this, it's either you're too available or they think you're needy or clingy- then you've got the "getting the balance right" so you're not giving them your everything and you're holding back, not texting them back straight away or saying yes when they wanna hang out (being too available) but that is essentially playing hard to get. Girls say they hate games but you need to play games if you want to be successful with them.

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    • Maybe I'm just strange becuase the games are having the opposite effect on me. You like me or you don't, we go out, or we don't bother? It just seems like such a waste of time. We could etiher be having a good time or we could both move on an find soembody else...

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    • No I don't expect a guy to compromise himself, especially when we're only dating, becuae wel l I don;t xompromise myself. But why bother initiating things if you're not going to bother to follow through on them. I agree a guy that ptus me up on a pedestal from the first moment is probably going to iritate me eventually. It's just being normal about the whole thing. Friends make the time to meet up because everyone wants to and they have a good time. Why can't dating be that simple?

    • I don't know, puttiing you up on a pedestal is silly but making some compromises as a gesture to show keenness shouldn't be wrong. Arranging to meet up and then not doing so is just straight flaky if you ask me.

  • Other way around mate! You got the wrong gender.

    Not that some guys don't. But that's more of a female thing in my opinion.

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    • Yeah I agree both sexes are. Definitely. I'm jsut on the receiving end of it... probably should have made the question gender neutral. It must work to an extent because it's constantly being spouted... treat them mean keep them keen...

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    • Thanks a million :-) Myabe I'll give it a try. Least that way he knows I'm interested. If he's bothered but afraid of rejection it will eliminate that fear... if he's not arsed, I'll soon find out and I can move on. Wishing you luck!

    • Exacta, kinda skips that unnecessary middle work for nothing lol. It's risky but it def makes it easier for both people involved like you said, especially if he fears rejection. Lmao at "arsed", word always makes me laugh.

      And you're very welcome. Glad I was able to help, if even a little :).

What Girls Said 3

  • Guys playing hard to get! .. That's certainly a new one to me.

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  • Guys playing hard to get? Never heard that one.

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    • Being flaky more than anything... after they've initiated going out and the dates... has me baffled.

    • In highschool that might be expected but a grown man doesn't act like that. None that I have attracted, anyway.

    • Exactly... Like highschool!!! I'm not intereted in being ivolved with someone like that

  • Ugh I agree. No games, it should be honest and easy. If not I move on

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