If it's the wrong timing for a guy, do they pull back from someone they like if they want to slow things down?

You've talked about your relationship and where you are both at. He's not ready for a full on committed relationship yet, but you're well on your way to a committed relationship with him. He feels you two are just not on the same page, and so he says he wants to be honest with you about where he's at.

He says he wants to slow things down. Hurt, you tell him that maybe it's just best for you two to go your separate ways, because you think he just doesn't want to committ to you. He says he doesn't want that, and that he can't deny his feelings and attraction for you. He also says that he wants to be in a relationship with you, just not right now.

If you tell someone you want to slow things down, do you pull back a little from them? He does show interest in person, but at the same time he can seem disinterested too (in texts only).

He also said, without me asking, that I'm not a fling and that there's no one else.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't buy all that, if you like someone being in a committed relationship isn't moving too fast it just means you take yourselves off the market and work at the relationship at whatever speed. People who say they aren't ready are just indecisive and selfish, they want you to wait around on their whim and they act all conflicted over it so you give them leeway, they don't like you enough to cut the bullshit so cut them loose.

    • Thanks for this. We both took ourselves off the market and are dating exclusively. He took down his dating profiles after we had the relationship talk (he initiated). There's just a lot of hot and cold signals going on and it's driving me C-R-A-Z-Y!

    • Show All
    • I don't think the fear of that happening again ever goes away, all one can do is try to remember this is a new relationship and at least this time you'll see the warning signs and bail earlier so it's less painful.
      Actual adult behavior and communication is a pretty rare and undervalued trait if you ask me. So yeah, keep on keeping on.
      The more you do together the better it is, it's not just taking you out and spending money on you, it's interacting and bonding properly, cooking is perfect for that.
      Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.

    • Thanks so much for this! A weight has been lifted haha

What Guys Said 1

  • Don't wait around for this ass. Dump him and move on. All he wants is to string you along so he can have pussy when he wants


What Girls Said 1

  • "He feels you two are just not on the same page, and so he says he wants to be honest with you about where he's at.

    He says he wants to slow things down."

    Anytime a guy says we aren't on the same page those are your walking papers. He sees you thinking this is going to develop into something it is not. The longer you hang around the worse it is going to be. Sorry

    • I gave him the ultimatum to leave. I even asked him if there was any chance that he would want a committed relationship with me down the road, and he said that he wants to be with me, just the timing is off. Plus he's not seeing anyone else, and he removed his dating profiles for me.

      I think he was telling me the truth about this. I don't think he said all that just to say it.

      He's a nice, pretty introverted guy who was cheated on in his last relationship.

      I get that it's one of those things that you never know if they just need time or if it's just you. Deep down and based on everything we have discussed, it's not that he just doesn't want to be with me.

      Maybe I'll talk to him about this.