I NEED HELP BADLY! I dont know what to do here with this guy?

so we met online and had our first coffee date last week. it went really well we talked for hours and ended up going to a grocery store for like 30 minutes. anyways, conversation was great, he was a perfect gentleman, and he was handsome. he hugged me goodbye and then an hour later asked me out for a second date. we went to an escape room and for food afterwards. once again he was easy to talk to and all, but he made no effort to touch me or flirt with me or kiss me. so now im confused because im not sure if i see any potential here. he is a great guy and is unbelievably considerate and polite and everything amazing, but i dont know if we have chemistry. he just asked me out for a third date and were going rock climbing so im going to give him another chance, but if he doesn't try to at least be somewhat physical with me, then im going to have to move on. am i wrong?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes. you are wrong. He is being what's called "a gentleman." I know this is a weird term that few have heard of, but, although on the endangered species list, "gentlemen" can be found. They tend to be less "grabby" that other species and believe in treating females as "ladies" another endangered species.

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    • im new to dating. this is the first guy I've ever dated so i dont know how to feel. im quite confused

    • Again, he's acting like a gentleman. Gentlemen are NOT supposed to grope women. At some point one or the other of you (preferably both of you) will feel that a kiss seems appropriate. At that point, do so. It really not that weird. It only seems weird because of movies and videos where the guy starts pawing a girl on the first date, but really, that's the ABNORMAL state. You're supposed to connect as human beings before ripping each other's clothes off, slamming your naked bodies against the walls, and moaning loudly and falling onto the floor.

    • thanks for your advice. im an over thinker so this is all confusing to me. i just want a guy who's forward but i think i need to give him permission first subtly i think

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think maybe he's just trying to establish what kind of person you are? Y'know, getting to know your personality, that kind of thing. That's quite sweet. Hold onto him until you're sure you want two different things.

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    • thats what my parents are saying. like i want a bad boy cuz its sexy, but i know they aren't the guys you have relationships with, but i need him to be more forward so i can feel some spark you know?

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    • thanks :) i really think its fear talking right now. im the kind of person who over thinks things and this is one of those situations.

What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe his just the kind of guy who likes to take his time. He probably had a prior relantionship that led nowhere cause he went too fast or tried to rush into something serious. He might be insecure aswell , or dosen't have confidence in himself or his self esteem is not up to par. Anywhoo try to pull some of his strings to let him know that your kind of wondering or you'll see in your next date how he might try to pull a move.. Or i hope he will! That's my opinion..

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    • if he doesn't ill probably call him out on it hahaha. cuz im confused as to why he hasn't. i know he has it in him because he's made some sexy comments (not vulgar) but flirty via text so i know its there.

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    • i think what i want to do is just go for dinner with him or something and not a full on date and see if there's anything there. im extremely conflicted here because i know what i want to feel and i dont feel lit with him. i feel like he's perfect in everyway, but i think whats turning me off is that he looks like my cousin and thats weird to me

    • Ok i see. It can be disapointing when two people don't have the same spark or share a very distinguished feeling for one another. Cause one of the two eventually will feel that it's not worth the effort , and it seems , for now , that your facing such a situation. Listen try to weigh in the plusses and minusses for now but if you feel like something ain't right don't wait too long cause in the end you might end having feelings for the wrong person.. That's how i see it..

  • He seems like he doesn't want to ruin things and trying too hard to be a gentleman. I would start to touch him and flirt with him and let him know its ok to come out of his shell a bit and escalate things a bit faster. Guys sometimes make the mistake o doing this bc they really like the girl and dont want to come off as playerish or 'he just eants u for sex'. Start talking that way with him and sexual innuendos and things and then he will feel more comfortable to show that side of him.

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    • like he knows how to talk sexy in text so i know he has it in him. i just haven't seen it in person yet and i want that.

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    • i love doing stuff, and our date today showed me that we can have fun together, but i need to do something romantic to stimulate the romance you know. so i think im going to suggest that maybe we dont go climbing and instead do dinner and a movie. that way it gives him an excuse to put his arm around me. if he doesn't, then ill know

    • Sounds good. Good luck!

What Girls Said 1

  • I am totally oblivious too. But he is respecting you. I guess if you want it so bad; give him a peck on the cheek? See his reaction;)

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