Why do I always like a guy after I've rejected him and now he has a girlfriend?

OK. I was asked out by this guy on Okcupid. We went out a few times but something just didn't click with me at first so I took some time to figure myself out.
I really didn't tell him why I was being distant (I made some bulshit excuse up about work) and he took that as me losing interest and he started talking to other girls and now is in a relationship.
For a while now I've been hoping these feelings would go away so I could move on, but they haven't and I'm stuck in this mess.

Why do I keep doing this?

I really don't know what to do. Please help me.

  • Tell him the truth and see how he reacts
    12% (1)40% (6)30% (7)Vote
  • Just block it out
    50% (4)27% (4)35% (8)Vote
  • Move to Siberia lol
    25% (2)27% (4)26% (6)Vote
  • Wait and see what happens
    13% (1)6% (1)9% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to do more self reflection. You know you fucked up and now want him back. When he was available you know you could take your sweet time and string him along. But now that he's gone you realize you didn't have nearly as much time as you thought. He moved on. He made a decision and decided you weren't worth waiting for. Perhaps thats why you're so hung up on him. He's got more value to you now than he did before.

    Like I said, you need to do more self reflection. Figure out what wasn't clicking for you and why. Learn from this so it doesn't happen again.

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    • I wasn't stringing him along, as I stated in another reply, it is completely new for me. I've never gotten this close to someone and I got confused and shit. He knew it was a new thing for me the whole time. I was upfront about it.

    • My bullshit alarm is ringing.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems like you want what you can't have. Your gonna have to move on to someone else if he's happy

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    • It just makes me so mad. Not even a text or anything and until I saw a status change on fb I thought we were still going out.

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    • I didn't exactly distance myself. It was a first for me to get that close and I got all confused. I've never had a boyfriend before. He knew all of this, and he just seemingly took the easy way out. Don't I have the right to be upset about that?

    • Grow up, learn from it, and stop lying.

What Guys Said 10

  • Hey listen... u rejected him for a reason...
    My mother gave me a piece of advice im going to give u...
    "Always remember - the grass always looks greener on the other side."
    u think since he is in a relation so is he perfect? maybe the other girl is just a desperate girl who can hook up with anyone? who knows...
    trust me... your first reaction (gut feeling) about a guy is 90 % right... so leave that douchebag... and wait for the perfect guy in your life...

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    • No, people usually reject on superficial reasons, some people do develop feelings later on and realize they like the person. As hard as it is to believe it people do make mistakes and sometimes they make mistakes when they reject a potential partner and some do change their minds

  • Evolutionary psychology. A man that has a girl already is more attractive than a single guy with no women in his life. Even a guy with female friends is more appealing to women, because in the back of your mind something is telling you he is worthy of all of these girls attention. And your competitive side wants the recognition of having his attention over those other girls.

    That and because you dumped him the idea that's "he" is over "you" is getting to you a bit. It's pride.

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  • It's common that a girl doesn't think a guy is worthy until he has a girlfriend. Then they think he was a good one, dammit.

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  • Communication is key. You're giving up on people too fast. "Chemisty" in the romantic sense does not exist.

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  • You made your choice, don't go ruining what he has with that girl and to answer your question its because guys with girlfriends are just generally more confident, which is attractive to most girls.

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    • That's true too.

    • Don't I have a right to be upset that he moved on without even so much as a text message? I turned down dates from other guys because he told me he doesn't go out with more than one girl at a time. I had already told him I was new into relationships. What he did wasn't right either.

    • No, you fucked up. Deal with your mistake and grow up.

  • Because you seem to fail to understand how dating works.

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  • you didn't like him so why care. I guess he was more focused on getting a girl no matter which one so he must've had an easy time.

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  • Did this happen to you when you were little? If so that's why

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  • So the question is are you rejecting these guys for good reasons, then one some other girl grabs them second guessing yourself?

    Or are you expecting your toys to be left sitting out where you left them and surprised when they aren't?

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    • I'm honestly really new into the dating scene and he knew I was nervous and that I hadn't dated before. In honesty he isn't a bad guy but he did act impatient

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    • We had already gone out a couple times. The way he acted I thought we were official. I told him I wouldn't be able to see him for a while because I wasn't getting a day off work for a week. In truth I didn't reject him, I put that in the title thinking nobody would respond if I didn't make it intrriquing. A bad move on my part obviously. I'm not a tramp, or a freak, or a whore like many have said by now. I simply wasn't able to see him and he decided to Vail on me like a coward. There's the truth.

    • Totally different scenario in that case.

      Sounds to me like he didn't view it as official and just moved on.

      Wouldn't assume you did anything wrong. Only a portion of '2-3' dates situations turn into more.

  • Well... too bad. Snooze, you lose.

    And I read a comment of yours. No, he didn't owe you notice of any kind. Were you sucking his dick? Dating him steady? No, you weren't. And you projected disinterest. So he responded accordingly -- don't act entitled.

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    • He even said he didn't want either of us going out with anyone else, he basically made it official then ran away without notice. I deserved common decency damnit.

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    • Look at the very first sentence you said: "I've rejected him"

      You're saying he knew it was a first for you and that you were shy, but look at your 2nd paragraph: "I really didn't tell him why I was being distant"

      This is your fault, accept it and learn from it

    • @Asker, the coward in this situation is you. Stop deflecting responsibility.

What Girls Said 0

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