I really like him, but I am not sure how to handle this after the mess we created... Any insight into the inner workings of a man's mind please?

About 2 years ago I was Introduced to a guy by my best friend and we kind of hit it off immediately as in that night. We both really had way too much to drink that night, and kind of woke up naked next to each other naked the next morning, cuddling and all.

This is where it all went downhill. I don't really party, so I couln't recall his name, which I eventually asked, a total of 3 times. (I know) Please don't judge me, I know it sounds bad, but we were still heavily intoxicated at the time. So then we laugh it off, he tells me, (for the 3rd time) and eventually I top this whole thing off with a 'I am not going to date you comment'. (Just came out of a serious relationship about 3 months prior to thisso this was the actual reason behind the comment)

Now, the problem is that we are still awkward and he is playing this game where he is testing me all the time. One Moment he will be the sweetest guy in the world, and the next (for really no reason) he flips a complete 180 and pokes at nasty. One moment he will flirt with me, sit next to me pressing his shoulders against mine, be my friend and joke around until I say something he doesn't like or mention some guy he doesn't know, or even offend him. He takes certain things so extremely personal, yet we have no relationship & no reason to take what I say so personally. Is this beacuse I offended him by not remembering his name?

I find him staring at me and when I look back at him, he wil look away. Or tell a joke only to wait to see what my reaction will be, or become jealous when other guys speak to me too much. So these all indicate liking me, right? Or What do you think? Why this game? Is he testing me because he doesn't trust me or is he testing me to see if we would actually make a good match? We never see each other, we don't chat, we don't date, we have no contact, yet this is the constant game we play when we do see each other. Please help me understand his behaviour?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like his still not sure if he's able to fully pursue you? You did put up walls so he's probably trying to stop himself from full on pursuing you.

    "I am not going to date you comment"
    - if i heard this, i'd probably just have fun with you but i wouldn't over step boundaries unless you okay it (through direct communication). Or i would simply friend zone it.
    - think about it, if you dated a guy.. had sex and seemingly good chemistry and the guy says "i am not going to date you," how active would you consider pursuing this guy?

    "Is this because I offended him by not remembering his name?"
    - After a drunken hump night, he's not going to take this personally.. esp more than 5 minutes after the fact.

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    • You are right yes in saying that, I would also think not to pursue someone. That is indeed a wall I put up, but had good reason as I didn't want to bring old baggage to the party. Might have helped to say that at the time, but figured that I said enough... LOL.

      I know that I put up the wall and that my comments were harsh considering the situation, but what do I do now? I am not the clingy, needy, over bearing type and have sort of kept out of it. There was a night where we saw each other where I suggested a drink under normal circumstances and he was keen, though nothing came of it. Was sort of trying to say that I would like to get to know him better. Understand that he might be skeptical of me. Just don't know how to handle this now? I really like him, but wow messed up. He keeps to himself entirely, and is a very mysterious type of guy who doesn't speak about these kinds of things.

      Thank you for clarifying the whole name thing... Sheesh it's been bugging me like bigtime :

    • I really like that you were up front and if he's a socially adjusted guy, he knows why you put up those walls. After a break up, people need time to gather themselves. Although his logic brain says "don't take it personally" we all know that inside "dang it."

      " Was sort of trying to say that I would like to get to know him better. "
      - More like "was sort of beating around the bush sending indirect signals." I'm joking with you here but yes, you need to just be up front with this. "hey listen Mike, i really like hanging out with you and i want to let you know i'd like to get to know you more. I wasn't ready when i first met you but i am now if you'd like to move things along."

      - *bam, cards on the table... everyone has their answer. Why am i putting this in your shoes? well right now he's trying to maintain "don't creep on her, don't be that guy... just try to be her friend even though you want her... why am i doing this?"

      You didn't mess up anything, you were direct about your fe

Most Helpful Girl

  • He probably enjoyed the sex and would like more, but doesn't want a serious relationship.
    And when he flips a 180 and becomes nasty, is that what you'd want a relationship with anyway?

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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds to me like he is trying to use "game" moves on you, thinking it will make you like him more. He sounds like he's not very good at it. If you really like him, maybe talk to him about how he is acting.

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    • Thank you for responding :) That's what I have been thinking, so I tried.. But he just said that I am crazy and that I am being a typical woman. So that sort of back fired.. lol He keeps to himself and doesn't speak much, so that doesn't really help much either. Very mysterious. analytical type.

      To be honest the game thing throws me off coz I don't know what to make of it. I am a very straight forward person and like to talk about stuff, so games drives me crazy, and some days it works, others is just makes me feel like not dating him was the right move. Is it coz he is trying to keep the game card on the table as in playing me? or is he just as confused? should I walk away here?

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    • I honestly don't know what to do... as with all things in life, whatever will be will be. If i do walk away, that will be the reason why. Not because I don't want to get to know him better. I realise I messed up, and that this is a long shot either way, was just wondering what I should be making of this. Thanks for your help. Appreciated.

    • Good luck. You sounds like you're sensible so I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

  • I'd say he wants more sex and may even like some things about you but dislikes or is frustrated by other things. Basically mixed feelings but still wants sex.

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