Why do I feel bad when I push someone away and they lose interest? Does this happen with you?

I met this guy when I was out dancing. I was even talking to other guys and they kept saying "I don't dance but my friend does and the friend was always this guy. So I danced with him. He was super fun to dance with we danced all night but I kept my eye open for somebody else maybe more my type. I can't say I vibed with him and thought "damn I want this guy's attention" no sting chemistry no "omg omg he is looking at me" it was just having fun dancing more like friends. He asked for my number. I was like "sure" and he walked me to my car. And another guy comes to my car for my number as I was driving away. I was open to that too. Then first guy is texting and calling and we have lots of fun convos. Late at night texts during the day. The phone made me like him more. Then I asked him to meet up with me after work. I get off at nearly ten. I was like I gotta hang out before I head home. He was like it is cold lets just talk on the phone. Then after a very long time he came to my house cuddled watched tv. I didn't let him sleep on the couch cause of my son. And I didn't sleep with him cuddling because it is too soon. Now he says he sees other girls and doesn't want me to be jealous which is why he didn't come over right away. I'm not jealous I say but I would be if we were sleeping together. As far as if he is physically "with "other girls. Now he stopped texting me and calling me and I miss the thought of I had a guy willing to take it slow. I could have had something real. But honestly I didn't have that initial spark.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I could have had something real. But honestly I didn't have that initial spark."
    - Well, it's not like you did something wrong. If things are going to work out.. they will simply do that. It sounds like the two of you wanted to but whatever it is... didn't happen.

    "spark" Well you know some people meet and instantly click, while others take a bit of time to develop a connection. I've hit it off with someone before and have it end just as quickly while others seemed to be mediocre that turned into something more.
    - whatever it is, listen to your gut and go with it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't sound like you missed out. He stopped seeing you because you weren't comfortable with him seeing other women. Besides, it seems you weren't that into him with the lack of an initial spark.

    It's natural to miss physical affection like cuddling and the companionship of phone calls and messages. Yet, I don't think you'd really want this guy for a serious relationship.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I would say that you might feel bad because you feel that you may have ruined your chances - that's how I'm reading this anyway.

    You can only go the pace that you are comfortable with. If he wants to get off the train because he's not sure that he wants to be on that ride for too long, he's not right for you, or he might catch the train again later on down the track...

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  • The way I see it you didn't push him away at all.

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  • It's not over yet. Don't give up.
    well I don't know whether you've tried talking to him. if you haven't, give it a shot and yeah you need to be a bit more flexible. The core problem is that night when you didn't sleep with him. he might have lost all that hope in you, after all maybe it was why had shown up at your place.
    If that guy is a player, no point in talking to him any further and that I feel because he sees other girls. If he isn't then well, he would show up himself or at least talk to you.
    best of luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he didn't feel the spark as strongly either. You didn't push him away, sounds like he ghosted. Not your fault, it just happens some times.

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