I have been in the hospital?

My boyfriend and i have been together 4 years. We are both 24. His mom has been in the hospital for 3 days now because her asthma has been flaring up real bad. I went into the hospital yesterday morning because i haven't been able to keep any food down for almost a week now. My boyfriend has barely been visitinf me because he has literally been with his mom all day every day. I understand thats his mom and all but he is my boyfriend and we are very serious about our relationship and our future together that i feel i should be as important to him as his mom not mpre important than but as important. I just feel really hurt that he us seeing his mom tons more than me. My mom and my best friend said maybe its a sign he isn't as serious about our future and us as i thought. They also said its a sign that he is always going to be overly attached to his mom and never make me as his long term girlfriend one day wife his priority. Is that true am i doomed? I just feel really hurt that i am basically coming second best. I mean we have been looking at houses together but i dont always wanna come second best to mommy especially when i have an emergency situation going on


What Guys Said 1

  • Your mother and best friend are absolutely right. He sounds like a momma's boy and you will be second best as long as she is alive. If you get married and have children. . . if you have a daughter, she will be daddy's girl and you will probably once again feel that you are second best. You should be concerned about the future with this guy.

    • Right! Thats what im saying like yeah of course i expect you to be close with your mom and have a good relationship and visit her and all that but a girlfriend wife fiance shouldn't always feel second best and in my opinion when she does thats a problem

    • My ex and I were married for 4 years. She always make her children and grandchildren a higher priority in her life and I frequently complained that I felt like her her seventh priority (3 children, 3 grandchildren.) For me, that was an awful feeling to live with but, when I told her about it, I always got total denial of any problem.

      Don't expect your boyfriend to ever acknowledge that you have a legitimate concern. It is similar to a mother having a favorite child; they will never confess but everyone else knows it's true. You can try talking to him about it but expect him to immediately turn to denial as his defense. If he does, you then say, "If you are not willing to recognize this problem and deal with it as an adult, I will make the decision that I need to make without your input." That puts him on notice that his denial will not prevent you from addressing the ramifications of always being number 2.

What Girls Said 1

  • All things aside this is still his mother. And if you're saying it's flaring asthma thay can be very serious seeing as asthma associates with a delicate organ. And you only mentioned this of him seeing his mother more than you in the hospital. If any other occasion he pays you more attention then that's fine. But this is his mother. I wouldn't hesistate to choose my family over a boyfriend Any day

    • I would get that if we have been dating like less than a year but its been 4 years in a committed relationship where we are planning our lives together. At this point if he doesn't see me as part of his family then i dont know what to say. After a couple as an adult becomes serious i think they become part of each others family its not a separate entity
      Sure its his mom but im his girlfriend and yes asthma can be serious but so can not beinf able to keep anything down. I didn't say i should come before his mother im just saying that it would be nice if he spent more than 2 freaking hours a day with me so he can spend 15 with his mom. Your point would make more sense if i was perfectly healthy and i was complaining that i wasn't seeing him because he is spending all his time visitinf his mom but the two EQUALLY most important women in his life are both veey sick and all im saying is it would be nice id the guy im spending the rest of my life with came to visit me

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    • I didn't say you come second I just want you to see that it is his mother. The woman that gave birth to your boyfriend. If he visits her always even when she wasn't sick then you have a different issue which can show he won't be as committed to you.

    • Right but i already explained that yes she gave birth to him but one say i will provide him with his own children and we are moving in together thats not something he will be doing with his mother. All im saying is that i shouldn't be gettinf two hours of visits from him while his mother is gettinf twenty you know