How do you usually determine if someone has commitment issues early on?

In my experience this can take at least a few months to determine in some cases. Does anyone have a more sure fire way to figure this out? It kind of sucks realizing that shit gradually over several months.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you could just straight up ask them what they think about relationships and such. The people I've met who have commitment issues, have been pretty straightforward about it. Such people tend to be pretty wishy-washy in general, like they don't want to define your relationship and they never talk about exclusivity etc.

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    • This is a great answer. It definitely made me recall some obvious signs in the past.

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    • Thanks lumos. It's funny because my wishful thinking kind of ignores obvious signs sometimes. I gotta get better at thinking objectively while in a situation. I appreciate it.

    • Don't worry, that's normal :)

What Girls Said 7

  • You don't need several months. You can tell from the first profile glance if you're dating online. And the first conversations with the person. You gotta look out for how they present their outlooks and their speech patterns. How they're define their future. And their past.

    Plus, what do you mean by "commitment issues"? Please define. And you must also look at yourself in this equation. You keep gravitating towards people who have "commitment issues" because so far your choices and patterns have been leading you to the same, i. e.., commitment issues!

    But to be fair, let me ask you this: what do you want from a relationship? And please do define what you mean by "commitment issues."

    This is not unchangeable. You just need to know where you are now to get to where you want to be.

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    • Commitment issues being someone who is afraid to get too close to someone else and has issues making long term plans.

      What do I want from a relationship? Stability, companionship, and all that good stuff.

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    • Usually younger women in their late teens and early, to even mid twenties have trouble with these things more often than older and more stable women, closer to your age, 25+.

      It's good you have at least that basic idea of what you want.

    • Look for women who are receptive to following your lead, good listeners, ones who smile at you have good friends and love their family. And especially (and this is a big one) women who don't talk badly about family or their exes, or talk about exes at all.
      Women who say "looking for a long term relationship that would lead to marriage." And actually, you must also be clear on what kind of man you are: that you're looking for someone who wants a long term, committed relationship.

      Also, don't talk badly or at all (if asked) about exes. Don't be negative. Stay positive and focussed on what you want. It'll work like magic if you stick to these simple observations and slight adjustment of approach to dating.

      The more you become and present yourself (through behavior and choices) as a high quality, commitment ready man, the more probable and easier it will be for you to notice and pursue the right woman for you, who will also be a high-value, Commitment- ready woman.

  • Honestly, for me, if we're going on dates and the topic of what we are NEVER comes up in conversation, it is clear that they only want something casual. If you always have to chase them, if they never seem willing to go past a certain point - they don't want to be committed.

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  • Lol, I don't. I have commitment issues, but even so, I wouldn't be able to tell if the other person did. I'm very oblivious to some things. Despite this, I am aware of the way a person acts in a relationship. I mark every red flag I see, but even so, I ignore them.

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    • That doesn't sound good... haha

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    • That's very true. I can understand that. Thanks for sharing :)

    • You're welcome. :)

  • you can't.
    ...

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  • you just ask them directly what they think about relationships and stuff

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  • Ask them what they want in the long term. If they shrug it off or say I don't know or "just having fun with it" chances are they dont really wanna commit to you.

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    • That makes sense. Not everyone is very direct though.

    • Yeah true. But you dont have to ask them directly. You can ask them like "Sooo what do you think about me" or "what are your feelings towards me", I mean if you're in a relationship with someone you should be able to ask those questions.

  • I look how they are with their family and some of their friends. It's not exactly a 100% true case every single time but for me, the guys I tried dating in the past had issues with his parents and only one friend but no one he said was a close friend. That was probably a red flag right there.

    So for a woman, just see how she is with her friends or family. You can casually ask if they are celebrating a holiday coming up, or New Years. Maybe you can also casually ask about her goals in life, and if she brings up that some day she wants a family of her own that might be a good indicator she wants commitment. I am not sure how to quickly spot this, and not sure if it will take less than a few weeks of knowing her.

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    • Thanks for the answer. That's the problem really.. You just have to put yourself out there each time not knowing if someone is gonna bail after a few months because they never intended on seeing you longer than that to begin with.

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    • True that. Thanks again :)

    • No problem. :)

What Guys Said 1

  • If they don't talk about any past relationships, that might be an indicator. If you're dating and they never talk about a relationship with you, that's an indicator, too.

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