Do all guys tell every woman they date they are beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, etc? Is that a new rule in a dating handbook somewhere?

I just recently (past 4 months) reentered the world of dating after a series of consecutive long term relationships. Basically, this is the first time I have "dated" around and not immediately jumped into a new relationship. The one thing putting me off is how often guys say (on a first date, mind you,) "you are beautiful," or "you are very attractive," or "you have beautiful eyes." I do enjoy the compliments and I appreciate them. But, I'm starting to feel like they are just go-to comments. I don't know whether to feel special or not because I hear them all the time. Dating sucks. It sucks even more when you have been hurt in the past and have a tough time trusting anyone. So, when these guys who are seemingly awesome...(we click, chemistry, great conversation, fun,) start with the compliments or ask why I'd even be interested in them, I run. I feel like they are just buttering me up. They are educated good guys too, Doctor, college football coach, university professor. So I feel like I'm choosing the right guys, just not into all the compliments starting day 1. Is it just the way things are now? (Btw, I'm 30.)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Well for a fact you may very well be a beautiful girl with good features which is why the compliments :)
    2. Yes it's common for guys to compliment girls on a date but she's got to have something that deserves complimenting isn't it? (with due respect to every girl)
    3. Complimenting is normal for me date or no date. If I like something in and on you I will compliment. It's never meant to flatter or for any favors :)
    4. I did meet up this girl on a blind date a few months ago. I was chivalrous to her etc (that she actually didn't appreciate or like lol) as it's my nature to be so. But again I didn't find anything in her looks and /or demeanor to compliment and I didn't. Not that she didn't have any but I didn't feel comfortable around her - simple. Maybe if she had made me comfortable enough I'd have gone beyond the feeling of slight discomfort and yes seen what deserves a compliment. And in which case you sure deserve complimenting on the fact that you do make these guys feel comfortable around you :) <3

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anything is whether taken the good way or the bad way, it's completely normal for a guy to say so while on a date, it's a date, he actually must find you attractive and sexy and beautiful, or why even bother lol! on what is he spending the bill!
    There are two possibilities to see it whether he's just saying so to get in your pants, or he really means it.
    Guys analyze this logically so they don't understand your deep feelings like any woman would do, but I think it's all about affected by really really shitty relationships you've been through, and you only see it the bad way, that he just selfish and he's saying so to only get to what he wants.
    you see it this way because you choose this way, like me, I work on a non-profit college help teem, and many of my fellows come to me only when they need help, I whether take it the bad way, which is they only look for what they want and they're selfish and on normal occasions they wouldn't even care if I existed, or take it the good way that we're actually seen as successful people (me and my team), but frankly when I'm in a bad mood I mostly see it the bad way, and the other way around. That's exactly how it is with you, if you're like so I should say you're not yet ready for it, try to be more open to it.

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What Guys Said 62

  • Hmmm, so if a guy opens doors for you, or pays the bill he is also just running the play book and trying to butter you up? I think compliments are fine and should be accepted on any date. They are dating you because they do find you beautiful and attractive. I see nothing wrong with expressing it. Sounds more like to me you are still hurting from your previous ltr and you are not ready yet for dating.

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    • I see what you are saying. Yes, I tend to question so much now. I am aware of it, trying to stop. Thanks. I appreciate your thoughts.

    • Interesting post

  • So let's get this straight. Girls think being called cute is bad because it sounds like she's 10 and not a woman.

    Being called ugly or anything of the sort is an insult.

    Being called hot or sexy makes y'all feel like a slab of objectified slabs of meat

    Now, calling a girl pretty or beautiful is bad because it's disingenuous...

    Please, women. What would you like to be called? Like, I somewhat get that it can feel canned, but now some of y'all are just fucking complaining about the dumbest shit. And then, y'all get mad when we DON'T compliment you enough... What the fuck? You can't just get what you want just because it's convenient for you at that moment. I don't want to single you out, but some of y'all really need a reality check. You can't complain about guys not show you respect, go up to you and ask you out, trying. To date you, etc, and then when it happens, get upset because you're getting complimented too much "at the time". The entire point of dating is because you find the other person attractive. Why would the person make it up?

    Sorry for the mini rant and it's coming across that I'm artacking you specifically, but this is beyond absurd and ridiculous. Sorry if this comes off as offensive or sexist, but do girls really wonder why guys aren't straight forward or don't understand what y'all are thinking? It's because 9/10 of the time, there is literally no linear logic.

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    • I agree. If we don't tell them how we feel, they complain. If we do tell them how we feel, they find a different reason to complain. It can be very frustrating for a guy. What guys need to realize is that if a woman can't take a normal compliment, then it shows she has issues with men and or with trusting people in general. Those are red flags that we need to learn to watch out for, as oppose to healthy criticism about our approach.

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    • Haha. I respect this. I'm not trying to make anything more difficult. I DO appreciate the compliments. I think they are sweet. I always just assumed if we were going on a date that naturally you found me attractive. After the 4th 1st date, with 4 different men, I just felt skeptical. I don't mean to confuse men anymore than women naturally do. Thank you for your pov

    • if it's a 1st dates thing and they're complimenting you, that probably more likely has to do with your personality than your physical appearance. not necessarily a bad thing, it's just y'all ain't clicking right (at least for him). believe it or not, guys do look past looks. if you look good in a dress, you probably don't look half bad when you're chillin eating ice cream at 2am in sweatpants and a t shirt.

  • If he didn't find u attractive, he wouldn't be dating you! Stop overthinking things and just enjoy the flow! :)

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  • I only date someone because I'm physically and mentally attracted to them. I don't take one without the other. So of course I will complement her. If you apply logic to this question it becomes pointless.

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  • Well, it does seem to work better than "you look like shit. Want to fuck?"

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  • There will not be a relationship without physical attraction. So while they want to get to know you, you were put on thier radar because they thought you were beautiful, had amazing eyes, etc...
    so do we all say it? certainly
    But that is because it is true...

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  • It's not a rule but if a guy is dating a girl she would have to be beautiful to him or he wouldn't be dating her

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  • They absolutely are go-to statements, and if they are saying it on a first date, they are definitely thinking with their dicks.

    If you want to stump them right then and there ask them "what is beautiful about me?" and watch them shift in their seats!

    Guys: Learn to find the things unique to her if you want to give her a meaningful compliment. You want to hear her say "I have never heard that before," be specific.

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    • Sad that some guys are downvoting you, this is actually great advice. I never remember guy who give me generic compliments, like "you're beautiful", but always remember the ones who said something unique, something no one before them noticed and pointed out.

    • @rijestelut It is ok. Those are the guys that put in minimal effort in a relationship and feel entitled to the world. They won't make it long...

    • Such great advice here.

  • It's pretty obvious when a compliment is only said to make someone more likely to do what you want them to do.

    Yes, all guys you date are going to call you pretty, hot, sexy, cute, gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, pulchritudinous, etc. because *duh*. If you are attracted to a woman and want to let her know, "Hey, I like how you look", you're not gonna say, "Oh your eyes are just okay", or, "you look very normal". How many women are even going to take a "compliment" like that as positive?

    So are these guys all following some "rule book"? Yes, it's a rule book of common sense with women that even inexperienced guys should have skimmed over the bold sentences at least. Some MAY be trying to butter you up just so you'll have "the sex" with them. Most are probably just trying to let you know you're attractive.

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  • ? Usually anyone can tell whether a guy is honest or not just by observing his body language.

    I for example tell her she is good looking when i sense she is insecure abou herself but ut is still honest..

    I would hurt her badly if a compliment wasn't genuine.. and I have no bad intentions toward anyone in general

    Sooner or later you will notice whether the guy is good -it would take constant awareness and effort to keep a facade up and no one in their right mind put their energy into something like this...

    Of course, he could be a sociopath and only tell you things you want to hear to get whatever he wants..

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  • Maybe you are very attractive and have beautiful eyes! Guys are told that women like compliments on their appearance and they are making an effort to do something that might make you feel good. So t-you are finding guys who think you are worth making an effort. Is that a complaint?

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  • Well.. I wouldn't date them if I didn't find them sexy. Why would I be with someone if I can't even look at her and say "she's gorgeous". I don't play games. I move quickly and make sure she knows what I want.

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  • Not if she's not beautiful, gorgeous, or sexy. Don't ask me what most guys do. We don't have an international meeting every Thursday.

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  • There have been a number of "get the girl" schemes written by supposed Don Juans. The essence of their "plans" are to "work the numbers," in other words, let's say you normally meet a woman a week, and at the end of the year you've had sex twice. Well, then that means that you've met 50 women and succeeded twice. Your "batting average" is 4% (2/50=4/100). So if you if you "up your game" and proposition 25 women a day, you'll have sex every day.

    Part of that is the opinion that you should compliment every girl you see to the skies, on the off chance that she'll be fooled. It is so stupid that it beggars the imagination, but there it is.

    The solution, as I see it, as a woman, is to approach men that DON'T approach me. That way you eliminate the "point counters" and might find a nice guy. It still means you have to date some losers, but at least you've eliminated the fakers.

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    • @The solution, as I see it, as a woman, is to approach men that DON'T approach me.

      I agree. for the reason you mentioned, and others, but definitely the reason you mentioned. when you approach you know the 'approachers; intentions. when they approach, you are in the dark., and have to guess and wait and try to trust and still be discriminating.. who the hell needs that lol. plus women dont need to lie (or rape) to get sex. so a woman approaching a man in general is going to be much less likely to missrepresent her intentions. amongst other things.

    • My general rule: If a guy appears too smooth, too charming, always knows what to say, etc. I don't trust him.

  • Look i Have read this whole statement. When a guy tells a woman at first how beautiful she is. It maybe just so he can judge the reaction this is why i do it. I dont want to date some conceited woman that thinks she's all that. cause none of you nor us are. If she seems to enjoy that she was complimented and truly care about your compliment but doesn't put off the vibe like duh i know. the one that cares will be most likely getting a second date. the other might not even make it through dinner. Than after dating for a bit we don't care about your looks when we say beautiful it is meant more as your the complete package your inner/outer beauty. I can compliment women all the time and never expect sex it really isn't as important to real men the way you all think it is. Sometimes it is also because we think that you need to hear and are putting off a sad/depressed vibe and we think you need to smile. quick way to get women to smile is compliment them tell them what about them is great and that gives us something to work with to break the ice and try to help you.

    all in all if by time your old enough to be in a sincere dating relationship if you can't tell the real men from the boys with the little pink thing hanging out. Maybe the problem isn't us it is you.

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  • If this were back in the 80's and 90's, I'd say yes, you're correct with the "go-to comments", however in today's time they have significant more meaning behind it than just your usual "you're beautiful". You clearly are and they would not tell you otherwise if they didn't mean it. Sure, that small portion may be baiting you, but there's a higher chance they're just telling you how they feel and actually mean it.

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  • if you are dating, marrying, or in a LTR with someone wouldn't it stand to reason that you find them attractive/sexy/gorgeous etc?

    i mean it may sound cliche but there's a reason why a cliche is cliche.

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    • I get it. I appreciate the acknowledgement of my physical efforts. I guess as a female, if I find a guy attractive, I don't bust out with, "you are so handsome," or "you have the most amazing arms." I guess I operate differently.

  • in my opinion the best compliments are specific and detailed. General compliments are cheaper and easier.

    You need to work on your trust issues or you will ruin every budding relationship. Maybe it would help you to talk to a therapist.

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  • If it's the same general comment then you could be right. But most guys are probably telling you what they like about you and why they asked you out. I personally would probably compliment someone's personality or say something about the type of person they are. But that's what attracted to in person anyway.

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  • They are just being kind. Pay more attention to how they act rather than what they say. True relationships take time to develop.

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  • Some guy think compliment are a way of getting you to stay or trying to put a smile on your face I'm sure most guys are genuine With statements like you're beautiful gorgeous. There is no foul intention. Guys also think it's what you want to hear.
    Also women are confusing

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  • Cause it makes them feel sophisticated and seem smart maybe? I don't know im just tying to come up with a logical reasoning that isn't complete garbage.

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  • I give genuine compliments to people I find to be genuinely attractive or that I genuinely like their features etc etc, I don't lie when it comes to that kind of stuff.

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  • sometimes it's difficult to get chemistry without throwing in a compliment or two. the girl actually looks bored and frustrated until you start with the flattery. on my last date the girl actually encouraged me to.

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  • no not all the time, when i do, im being honest

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  • Guys who have game don't say that to women who are beautiful. Those women know it, they hear it all of the time. You tell a smart woman she's beautiful and a beautiful woman she is smart.

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  • i do say all these things... nd not just to score.. bt i really feel it.
    in my eyes my girlfriend is th most beatiful i ever seen nd making her feel special is all i wanna do.
    in your case i just wanna say every casual gentlemen will compliment the woman he is with on date nd will try to make her feel special, its nthng wrong.

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  • maybe they believe those things

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  • It would be a requirement for me to do so because otherwise if she was anything less than the description I wouldn't be dating her in the first place.

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    • Dating feminist would be the only exception to the rule. If a guy dates a feminist he has to tell her that all women are equal to men and therefor look like men too and end he should end that conversation with I can't look at you because I don't look at other men. And I don't date feminist either not my style, just saying.

  • I give one compliment and that's it. Only if it's the truth.

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What Girls Said 30

  • I agree with you. I love compliments, but it's hard to know whether the person is being genuine or not. There are so many people who will say anything to get with you, then when they have you they do a 180 or start seeing other people at the same time as you, even when they claim to be monogamous.

    I think the best way to deal with this is just be thankful for the compliments. Thank them, and leave it at that. Pay more attention to how they act and treat you. Look at their actions.

    A guy can say you are beautiful, but if he isn't taking you out (and basically hiding you) from people in his life, then something isn't right there. If a guy is saying he really likes you, but won't make it official or take you out on another date. Then I would definitely question that.

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  • What's the point in dating someone if you don't find them attractive? And if you do find them attractive why wouldn't you complement them?

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  • No you're right. Those compliments are pretty much just something guys say because they think it's what we want to hear. Heck, my boyfriend still says it after a year and a half of dating. I appreciate the gesture, but I much prefer when his compliments are sincere rather than vague and generic like "you're beautiful." Like when I style my hair and he says "I really love your hair that way," or if I dress up for a date and he says I look nice. Just be genuine!

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  • They are. I mean, I'm sure you're also possibly stunning, but most guys tend to know a few PUA gimmicks nowadays and telling you you're beautiful and complimenting you're *whatever* (eyes, smile, purse, iPhone, etc.) right off the bat is usually part of a cluster of PUA lines they used bc they've worked in the past.

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  • Yes hun. I have found the same thing recently. I have only just started back in the dating game after 10 years and get called beautiful gorgeous sexy and so on... There is nothing left for us to believe that a man is whole hearty after us. Good luck with finding happiness 😊

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  • I hate when guys fake compliement me! BS! tell me the truth don't act like that! I feel ya sister. I guess even guys have turn all PC!

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  • I kind of hate compliments about my physical appearance because they seem insincere. It's just flattery. Sure, it might be the truth, but it's hardly going to make you fall to your knees? You're right though, dating does suck, its difficult and you have to filter time-wasters and insincere people.
    They probably are buttering you up. You really have to focus not on how they seem to feel about you and whether or not they're being romantic, and more on what respect they show you and whether or not you actually enjoy them as a person and enjoy your time together, regardless of the flirting. If it's real genuine fun, and if you feel happy you met them regardless of where it might go.

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  • when he says i am beautiful even without looking at me.
    my ex before when i was doing my lipstick in the car and he was driving. he told me " baby look at me, let me see" and so i did. I looked at him but then his eyes were on the road cus he was driving and he still said" Baby you are beautiful, i dont even need to see it".

    I still remember he also told me that i was better in real life even when i was looking shit on that very first day he came see me.
    which is why though he left me, did me wrong at the end. his sweet words is the reasons why i still can't get rid of him out of my mind.
    He was the first guy out of all the guys i dated made me feel special. and now because of him. i dont want to fall for anyone anymore. usualy i move on real quick but its like he taught me lessons. been a year without talking to him.. I don't know where he is but i still fking love him.

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  • Wow! Sucks to be you. dating doctors and such who call you beautiful. How awful, lol. My guess is they are dating you because you ARE beautiful. At least to them and that's all I really want from my mate. To be made to feel beautiful in their eyes. Don't overthink this stuff and ruin what seems to be a successful re-entry to the dating world.

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    • Ha. Ya, I know. It's a rough life. I have high standards. :-) I do need to just stop over thinking. Accept it and go with it. You are correct.

  • Well I'm not a guy but I assume that the reason one would talk to a woman or be interested in her (in the beginning anyway) is because he finds her beautiful or attractive in some way. But I do understand what you mean, it's very unlikely that one is just so stunning that that;s the only thing a guy can focus on and talk about. But I've also noticed guys do this a lot in the beginning just so you know that they are definitely interested in you and its seemingly a safe and easy thing for them to say on a first date.

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  • You must still have the old edition. The new edition of, "Big Lies To Get a Girl in Bed" is now in its 7th edition. It definitely says, "say whatever is necessary to get a girl in bed.

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  • So, what you're saying is you can't accept compliments because you have a poor self-image?

    Why would you want to date someone who isn't attracted to you? What purpose would that serve?

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    • No. I don't believe I have poor self-image at all. I just find it odd when the compliments flow so easily. For instance, the "I can't believe I got a girl like you to go out with me." Or "you're really out of my league." I DO take them as compliments, but I've always thought words like those should be used sparingly. I feel like when I hear them over and over, it just takes away from the value of the phrase. Kinda like, it's nothing new.

    • That's just you and your preference then. Nothing has changed.

  • They think they woman will like them more if they flatter them. You have to see if they really believe it or if they are just buttering you up too much to get in your pants. Recently someone complimented me a lot on my dresses and shoes as a way of flirting, I did not know what to make of it either.

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  • Nice to compliment once in a while, but be careful of guys over complimenting you, some of them may have motives. But overall, you have to observe him and pick up his characteristics. Guys who compliment a lot may deem to be flirty, but if he only compliments u (little or a lot), then it might not be the flirty case.

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  • I think they think about it as a must because they feel the need to tell the girl she's special. Sometimes the girl is indeed special for them tho, but it I think it becomes automatic after some time lol

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  • It's rule #13 in the Bro Code Handbook. Rule #13: Complement her until she puts out by using cheesy been-heard-before compliments like beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, hot, wonderful, amazing, etc.

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    • Come tell me when you come up with something better. Ever thought that hot, cute, and sexy get old for guys too? They are just words for Christ's sake.

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    • @Nuqood Obviously you're mad since you had to comment to begin with. The only thing bitchy I see here is your pmsing over jokes and sarcasm. Anyone on here who knows me well enough knows I'm usually full of joke and sarcasm, and that I also don't kiss the ass of anyone just because they might be sensitive. I'll tell it like it is, and I'll joke all I want to. But since it seems like you're rather new I'll let you off this time.

    • No need to get all feisty, woman, I was just asking xD You'd be surprised how many girls out there have a negative reaction to compliments like those you mentioned, maybe you were one of them, who knows :/
      xD

  • I think you're just having a hard time accepting these comments because you've been hurt. It isn't the "new rule" it all sounds the same because let's face sometimes guys aren't creative with their compliments but it doesn't mean they don't find you attractive. They want to make sure you know they're into you. I tell guys I like I think they're attractive all the time because I want them to know. If this is something you can't handle/accept it's because of your own insecurities and I think you'll keep running away until you work on it.

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  • Hmm I suppose guys just think they should say some compliments to make you feels special; afterall its better than no compliments at all!! But you can defo tell the difference between a guy who's just saying it as part of routine and a guy who means it. I guess it all comes down to who you date: if you only date guys who really want to date you and you likewise him.. the compliments won't be sleezy or throw-away because he will mean them. Because he wants YOU to remember HIM as the guy who appreciates you. Perhaps all the guys you've dated are hust not the right ones for you hence you finding the compliments too schmoozy. Perhaps only date a person you really really fancy. Then you'll like being complimented him.

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  • Most guys do.

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  • well i do think that guys partly compliment us to get in our pants faster, but sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. just accept it and dont fall for it just take the relationship as fast or slow as you want

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  • I agree. Sometimes I think its just a line. Men dont care if women are attractive their saying for 1 agenda if theyre saying it too much.

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  • They just don't know to sound original in their wording or just being clumsy about saying it in the wrong moment 😉.

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  • people like compliments

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  • They are definitely saying that cos they want to get in your pants asap

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  • I'm in the same boat as far as re entering the dating scene. I don't take compliments about my looks well. I usually change the subject. I don't think they're being generic, I'm just not used to it. I prefer when someone compliments my smartassim.

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  • yeah... pretty much all of them will say those lol

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  • Yes, that's standard. I've had guys stare at me blatantly. Maybe change the subject as soon as complimentary stuff starts. I do.

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  • I seriously relate to this and this question is amazing. I just want to read the response from guys so... Carry on

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  • Of course guys butter us up to try to get some action! But that doesn't mean they aren't looking for love, too.

    Look at how they act - are they polite to the waitress?, do they call when they say they will?, do they let you talk or do they monopolize the conversation?, do they say nice things about other people or only negative things, are they involved with giving back some how? Etc.

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  • Lol for sure this is in the dating handbook or guy's rules to getting laid, or getting a girl to like them. Not that they do not mean it but sometimes guys just say it to see what may happen, you know just in case the girl is so flattered and feels attractive enough to have sex with them

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    • Actually the pick up artists hand book says a guy must never overtly compliment a girl on her looks during the first encounters. Especially if she is hot because she gets it all the time.

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