Was he just upset or did he mean it? He justifies his statement by saying nobody should be compared his mother. It's been a week and every time we look at eachother he has that look that shows he thinking about her. I feel really bad. I try to help him and say good things but he tells me he doesn't need emotional support. When he's with his friends and they tend to talk about the negatives and he seems to thrive on that more... One of his mates talked about the date for the funeral and another mentioned how much he liked my BFs mothers pancakes... I feel like shit because everything I say tends to be emotional like 'everything will be ok'... He responds sarcastically by saying 'where is she then?' And 'did you get that from a book?'. Obviously I let everything he says slide because i understand his situation but why is he happy when his friends make comments but not me. He came back from uni the other day with red eyes and obviously he was crying but when I asked his response was he doesn't need anyone. I feel useless and the other night I heard him praying while crying. How can I help him when he thinks he's above help?
your hurt? did you really just say Your hurt? his mother is dead and all you think about is yourself. He is grieving. everyone grieves differently. He is going to be sad. but he is also going to be mad. You need to understand that. You can't console some people. I know when I get in that kind of state anyone saying something like that is going to make me think the same thing. I just have better control of myself. Some don't. You can see that those coined sayings are not helping so just give him space. if your close he knows your there. I know I just want to be left alone when I am down.
its a time where you have to be selfless. you have to understand that he is hurt and is highly emotional. the woman who brought him into the world died. that's a pain you can't really imagine unless you've experienced.
just try to be a support. try to forgive him for things he say that may be hurtful. If you feel super compelled to deal with it tell him. "i am so sorry for your loss. i know i can't possibly understand it. i am doing the best i can to be a support to you; however, i can't be the target of your pain. i don't want this but if you need time to yourself i can understand, but i hope i can be a comfort to you and a person you want around at this time"
I think the best thing you can do is to keep some distance, he will come to you eventually. His reaction is a typical way must guys handle a loss. We shut ourselves of from the world, and try to figure out on our own how to handle things and pick it back up. He doesn't hate you, and i think he will realize very soon that he was wrong for saying bad things but he isn't himself right now, just tell him that you are there for him, and from there you keep your distance.
I think he was just upset because she meant so much to him and your still just his girlfriend and not married to him. Don't take it too personally, he's in a bad place right now and you counseling him isn't helping.
Sometimes people don't want to hear that everything will be ok because they can't see it because they will never get that person back. Sometimes people just need to mourn and remember the good times to get past the situation. If you aren't about that then maybe you need to back away and just be there when he needs you. It's all about his mom right now and he wants to soak in that until the time has come for him to move past her death.
I don t know if this is good or not but if I was in your place, I ll just back out and give him space. since my presence isn t doing him nor me any good. I d tell him, if he needs anything he knows where I am and just let him grief in peace. I can understand him, when I am sad, I don t have people s patience, nor want their comfort so I avoid them or else I ll be a bit nasty with them like he is being with you.