She's not ready for a relationship?

Hey all. So at the beginning of this college school year I met this girl. We hit it off the first weekend and hung out pretty frequently. As time went on, she found another guy but we stayed friends, really good friends. I was always there to help her with homework, saved her from some bad situations involving police, was her shoulder to cry on etc. As time progressed, we began to develop a liking to each other. Eventually she told the guy she had a "thing" with that she was in fact interested in someone else (me). A few weeks of hanging out, going out, hooking up, and eventually sex happened. A few days ago she told me that she still likes me but "isn't ready for a commitment" because of a bad break up she had over the summer. She said she doesn't want to see me leave her life and still wants us to be friends. She also says that she needs times to think about what she truly wants and that there's a chance that eventually she will want to try a relationship out. Is this all just pure BS? Should I give her time to "think" while still hanging out with her? I truly in fact like her but think that if I continue hanging out with her just as friends that eventually my heart will be broken even worse. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • It's hard to tell whether she's being sincere or whether she has some deeply rooted emotional issues which are making her play games. In either case, I would suggest backing off. There's no real formula to this, but you definitely do not want to double down and get entrenched in this, or one of two things will happen:

    A) She's playing games with you and you will get tied up in knots over this for possibly months, with no real chance of getting what you want.

    B) She's being sincere, and you really need to not pressure her. It will drive her away and you'll blow it. You have to back off and give her time, and make her miss you a little bit.

    I understand that this is enormously difficult. I'm going through it right now myself, and my mistake has been not to back off enough. It's really hard to know what to do when you're in the situation and emotions are clouding your judgment, but take it from an outsider with no emotional ties to your situation - don't follow the Hollywood model and keep "fighting" for her. In the real world, that doesn't work. You need to back off. Go out with other girls if you can, don't text her first, maybe wait a little longer than you normally would to reply to messages or keep the messages shorter than normal. It will give her the space she needs, the distraction you need, and probably make her miss you.

    • Thanks for the advice, and sorry that you're going through the same thing.. it really sucks. If she asks to hang out and study, what should I say? I've never said no.

    • You're going to have to start saying no, at least once in a while. But give her a legitimate sounding excuse, don't make it sound like you're just blowing her off. The key here is to be a little less available. Show her you have a life outside of her.

  • Bro i would suggest take less pain now instead of big pain later, rest is upto u,.
    pls answer this