When it comes to the dating game, who has the power? Men or Women?

Who has it?

1. Men

2 women

3. I'm going to say its equal because I'm living in my pathetic bubble and I think things like this are perfect and could never advantage one gender over another. Inequality only exists when its not going to advantage a group, gender, race, etc.

Updates:
From all of the answers, Its CRYSTAL CLEAR that women have all of the POWER.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Women hold all the power, sorry to say.

    Men are expected to make the first move, ask her out, pay for the first date, be chivalrous, court the girl, and generally "impress" her. The woman just has to wait for someone to approach her. Even if that fails she can always approach someone herself.

    It's sad, but true.

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    • someone gets it

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    • holy fuck. woman's comments are usually "mah", but this girl nailed it. Upvoted!

    • @ritxi ¬®legit as fuck.

What Girls Said 24

  • Men have the power to ask out any woman they want. Women have the power to deny or accept any man they want.

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    • Women in today's world are making the moves themselves if they see that the guy is shy.

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    • Even approaching still ends with the woman. If a guy approaches, it's her power to say yes or no, if she approaches she has already decided.

    • @scrambledagain so a guy doesn't have a choice when a girl approaches him?
      Well then, a guy will either be accepted by the girl of his choice, or he will gladly accept a girl who asks HIM.
      A girl will have to "wait around" to be asked, which may not happen, and even then it's by guys who think she's cute, not guys SHE thinks are cute. She will either have to give in and accept from a weird or creepy or ugly guy, or wait around for someone to ask her out who she is immediately attracted to.

  • I don't even think about who has "power", I'm more mature than that. And it's not about stalking prey or manipulating someone, it's about acting like a respectable adult who can express interest or accept rejection, in a respectable, dignified way.

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    • Sure okay.

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    • It is whether you like it or not.

    • Yes. It is immature.

  • There are way too many variables to account for. On one side, many can say women due to many social customs that have the men pursuing the women, essentially doing a lot of work to obtaining her. Many men only want women for sex and the woman has the power not to open her legs. I can easily see the genders reversed and have.

    Or a man who "dates" a lot of women while those women are pursuing only him.

    I guess one way to put it is the individual who sacrifices least, but again I can think of many scenarios with interchangeable genders.

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    • You're overthinking it. I'm talking about in general, not if this or that happened because what you explained isn't the scenario that that's common 9 1/2 times out of 10

    • There's no such thing as "general" to this question. It's common sense. It's not like you asked which gender in the West tends to get more alimony paid to them. You're asking who has it easier which can't be answered simply.

    • It actually can. From what I've seen on here and in real life, its women mostly everyone (about 98% of all who answered ) agrees its women. You're trying to include the top guys which is a small small minority of men on earth (Rich guys Actors, guys with the best looks, pro sports guys etc) The vast majority of men don't fit into that category, that's why there's what one would call players womanizers, etc out there not because they are so manipulating but they have the looks which a lot of women won't admit that its the looks and/or money because they want to be politically correct at all costs

  • nothing to do with gender or luck.

    people who respect themselves and dont put up with other peoples neurotic game playing bullshit, ultimately have the most control over their dating life. they keep their head above the fray.

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    • That's crap lol. If an ugly guy for example wanted to be a player, he couldn't, it's out of his control. actually a guy will never have control over whether a girl says yes or no to his advances, only she does, giving her the power.

    • no you dont have control over other pooled, but by not getting yourself stuck in the mire you have power over your own life.

      even got people can get stuck in mind ga, mens even drunk on their own heightened sense of themselves... these people are out of control. here powerless.

      people whop look at dating as having power or not having power , are the ones who will have the least ultimate power bc you cam not control another person this iuds ann illusion and many years will be wasted trying. its also an obsessive compulsive trait.

  • hot people. regardless of gender.

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  • Women have the most power when it comes to dating. Others will disagree with a me. A female can pick and choose pretty much from whomever she feels like. Whereas a man actually has to work for what they want.

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  • 3, but i don't have a "Pathetic Bubble".

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  • It's never that simple. Chaucer's Wife Of Bath was discussing this even in the 14c. Men have the power over double standards- a woman may be ostracised for cheating where a man wouldn't. This doesn't mean it happens this way every time, but if you think about your personal anger you might find dislike of an adulteress to be viscerally stronger than an adulterer. Some women use their power surrounding sex on occasion, as the Wife does- withholding it as punishment or giving it as a reward. Happily, this kind of attitude seems to be falling out of favour.
    Scenario A) Let's say I imagine Amy and Dan. Amy gets dolled up in a hot dress and heels and is out with friends. Dan approaches her. They get along, and Dan requests her number. Two days later Amy receives a text from Dan. He takes her out for a nice meal at his choice of restaurant. Two weeks later, they go out again.
    Scenario B) Amy and Dan meet at a friend's dinner party and get along splendidly. Amy is talking about one of her favourite restaurants and Dan suggests she show it to him. They continue to explore the city together.
    Dan in Scenario A seems to have a lot more control over the situation. Dan in Scenario B is not leveraging so much in that way.
    So what do you think?

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    • Yes ":Dan" got the number, but it was Amy who had and has the power. She was on the receiving end which means she could make or break his request. And if you know anything about dating, Dan has to take her to a nice place to eat because in the dating world, you will be considered "cheap" . Its not like he could take her to Mickey D's This is where "Its not about the gift its the thought that counts" becomes invalid for some reason. He may be able to take to a place, but I'm sure he probably is going to pick somewhere that she will enjoy

  • I don't know everyone has advantage and disadvantages!

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  • depends on the couple, every couple is different

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  • There is a nice saying that goes "the one who loves the least controls the relationship", and that can be eiher one

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  • I think it depends on who is more attractive and needs the other in their life. If the person needs you more than you need them then you have the power.

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  • I'm going to say women because guys almost always want sex and women sometimes don't. How often have you heard a woman say she wasn't in the mood and her boyfriend accepts it, compare to it being the other way around. I'm sure girls wouldn't tolerate it as much as guys do lol

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  • Depends on whose court the ball is in at the time. I think it's a qual thing.

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  • It keeps on shifting I'd say.

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  • I believe that women have the power, they just need to tap into it. When a guy feels admired, loved, and when we women don't try to change our men, 90% of the time the guy will cherish her and do whatever he can to make his woman happy.

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  • Women and men have power in different ways.
    I mean, it may not be hard for a woman to get a man to have sex with her, but it may be harder to get a man to love and commit to her.

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  • The one with money regardless of gender

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  • I think it depends on the couple. I've seen meek women that will do anything for their more dominant partner. I have also seen the same with a few guys, they will do so much to either get the girl or keep her.

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  • To the men who whine about women having all the power:
    It's because you lick women's asses. If men didn't constantly pamper women, give them benifits, pay for the shit that the women are completely capable of paying for, etc, you wouldn't have these traditional standards thrusted on you anymore.
    You can't give a woman an entire cake and then complain about her eating it all when you didn't clearly specify how much you wanted her to take. Give her a slice every now and then, not just cake after cake. If you didn't lick her ass so much, she would slowly stop having these expectations. If you don't want to pay, don't. If you don't want to pamper her, don't.
    Men have just as much of a choice when it comes to dating. They choose who to approach. Women, in that case, choose who to accept or reject. And in my life, I've been approached (seriously, not catcalled) 3 times. 2 times when I was in my tweens (I just wasn't into these guys) and once when I was 18 (but the guy ended up being a jerk who only wanted sex). Women don't get approached as much as you think they do. Catcalling doesn't count as "approaching" in dating.
    And the worst thing you can ever do is "entertain" a woman who is playing hard to get. You know, buying into it and trying to grab her attention. Don't do that. You're only teaching her that she'll get what she wants by acting distant and cold. Why the fuck would you want to teach someone something like that? Is that something you would teach your child? They get a cookie every time they behave badly? If you try to get with a woman who's seriously playing hot and cold, and hard to get, you're merely reinforcing this type of behavior and rewarding her for it. And then you ACTUALLY complain about "women having the upper hand" lol. Maybe because you keep giving it.
    I'm not saying you should neglect women or turn the tables in order to become the distant and cold one. Going from one extreme to another is obviously not good. All I'm saying is don't buy into any type of bullshit, don't do things you DON'T want to do, and find a balance. Don't give a woman an entire cake. Share it with her.

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    • You seem to be supporting my argument that assholes get a lot further with women than nice guys! Guys who don't lick female's asses get a lot further. They understand that they have to keep a chick in check, or they will be totally destroyed by a chick who perceives their weakness.

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    • Damn I should've gave you MHO.

    • Thanks. I'm a feminist/egalitarian so I prefer it when relationships are balanced and even. I'm tired of these girls expecting special treatment when they don't have to lift a finger. If you want to live a more traditional life then fine, find a guy with traditional values. Don't expect modern guys to change for you and lick your ass.

  • Guys choose too - they don't just chase any woman on the planet. The guys on this site blow this out of perspective, whining "I can't force any girl I want to want me." Neither can women!

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    • That's not the point. It's a simple show of advantage. The difference between having to fish for 10 hours to get nothing, or the difference of having fish jump into your lap while complaining all the while, "but, I don't really like any of these fish." It's not about a situation that must be rectified. To me, at least, it's about getting women to admit that they have advantages in society. Which they are often wrought to do.

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    • Both parties are doing the same amount of prepping, fretting, worrying, feeling unwanted and so on.

      People who are attractive, socially skilled, emotional healthy, etc have it easier. People who don't have it harder.

      The problem is that both sexes look at the great looking, interesting, charming people of the opposite sex and compare them to the less attractive, awkward, unhappy people of the same sex.

    • And guys compare sex, which is apples and oranges. Females have a different sex drive than men. Saying "you could get tons of NSA sex with people you aren't really attracted to" is like giving a glass of milk to someone who is lactose intolerant.

  • In some ways, men have the upper hand, in other ways, women do.

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    • I would love to hear where men have the upper hand?

    • Every time a guy says he will call you and he doesn't call, he has the upper hand. Every time a girl tells a guy she loves him for the very first time, and he responds with silence, he has the upper hand. Every time a girl gets cheated on, and the other woman is younger and hotter, the guy has the upper hand. Happens to us every day, @Scrambledagain That's just life.

    • @MargaritaPeach I get what you saying, but it still illustrates the power women have. If a man cheats, it's with another girl, that girl had to give him the greenlight or he wouldn't have cheated. If a girl says she loves him and he doesn't return it, that's not power, that's just a rejection (happens to us guys all the time). But that type of guy probably has other options, given by other girls. Girls are the gate keepers. They say yes or no. The best way to illustrate this power is based on how much females are paid for sex! A girl can charge heaps for sex and men will pay it, that's power in sex. I will say this though, in terms of quality long term relationships, it balances out.

  • Overall, probably women, but it really depends on what you bring to the table. A hot, young woman will have a lot of power in the dating world, and so will an attractive, charismatic, successful man.

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    • Women in today's world are making the moves themselves if they see that the guy is shy.

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    • 1) hot 2) young

      Both things she has no control over and has for a limited time. You can build success and it will stay with you if you keep it up - not the same for looks and youth. You guys actually have a better deal in the long run, but most of you don't make use of it.

    • Only gold diggers care about success that's just another word for money.

  • 3 - Because it depends on the person. It's all dependent on how appealing you are as a person. An "ugly" woman certainly isn't going to have the higher ground, nor would an ugly, unemployed man. It's pretty much the "cream of the crop" who have all of the power.

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    • A super ugly woman can still have sex for free with guys that will lower their standards for casual sex. Super ugly guys will have to pay for it via a hooker escort.

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    • I think its equal in terms of finding a great partner. But in sex only, women have this power hands down.

    • Yes women have the power in getting sex easier.

What Guys Said 60

  • Women, hands down! This is not even up for debate.

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  • Women, there's no discussion aobut it.
    Men are expected to approach. And before any woman comes here and says ''oh but I have approached'' well congrats to you. That's cool of you. But you are a minority among the wast majority of womeh who don't approach.
    Men are expected to pay. And the same as before - if you're a woman who pays, super awesome. I wish there were more of you. But again, most women expect to be pampered.
    Women can get sex practically whenever they want. Sure... perhaps not with the guys they themselves would like... but guys none the less.
    Even the men, who are among the top 20% for whom the 80% of women circulate around, have to work on it a little. They have to work to keep up the charisma and or cash flowing. A woman just has to look pritty and go out. Sure, an ugly woman won't get nearly as much attention as an attractive woman, especially from the guys she'd like. But she still will get some attention in comparrison ot an uggly dude who's pretty much dead in the mud if he doesn't do anything about it.

    The ONLY advantage men might have is that they're judged less for sleeping around. But that's only if they CAN sleep around. And again... most can't sleep around even if they wanted to.

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  • When they are younger it is clearly women. As they get older men start gaining more power, until it is the guy that has the most power in dating. It has nothing to do with playing games. lol It has everything to do with how much value each gender has for one another. That value changes as people age, and priorities start to shift.

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  • The one with the most power is the one who can back away without a second thought and no hard feelings.

    A relationship is like an investment. You spend time, effort then you put your life and hopes into it and pray that it will grow into something. However, once market starts turning south or you just merely find another potential 'investment', you have to make the decision to abandon it or not. Most people are too emotional, too caring, too terrified to take the action. Those who can are those who has the power and the strength to survive.

    It takes a great amount of courage to go into a relationship, it takes a greater amount of resolve to leave it.

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  • Hmmm I would say women cause they can choose from all the men that approach them, but on the other hand, men have the power to make it happen, cause if the guy doesn't approach, then the girl will have no power, cause most girls don't move their ass and approach guys, you get what I'm saying?

    I feel like girls CAN have the power if they want to and actually aren't so egocentric that they do approach guys. If a woman has the "balls" to approach guys, then she has absolute power cause she'll have guys come to her, as well as she choosing guys and going for them.

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    • Women in today's world are making the moves themselves if they see that the guy is shy.

    • @Dean_stiffler I rarely see that, tbh. I've only been approached by a girl once in my life, the others, even though they liked me, never made a move.

  • I don't think a lot of guys are going to like my answer to this. I'd say it could be either, but in most cases today the woman does, although most guys think they do, but they're so pu*sy whipped they can't see straight.

    If a guy can be objective, not fall for manipulation, have balls and a fully functioning backbone, be a challenge and keep it up through the relationship, not be to eger to please, weed out golddiggers, femi nazis and all other ideologies and personality types that hen peck men, be a gentleman but not a pushover, not allow his desire to get laid to cloud his judgement, isn't afraid to dump any chick who doesn't treat him with respect, won't lower his standards in all areas for anyone, and won't settle for less than what he wants, and she knows where the line is and is certain he'll walk and not look back if she crosses it then he definitely wears the pants and holds the all cards. This however sadly is 10% of men or less.

    Otherwise the female definitely runs the show and is calling the shots. She wears his balls for earrings. Most guys think they've got women all figured out when in fact they don't have a clue.

    For any guys that think I'm wrong there's a long line of divorced men who've been dragged to court and had their clocks cleaned and are just waiting to set you straight. I'm sure they thought they were wearing the pants and never knew what hit them.

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  • Women. No matter how confident you are, a girl that doesn't like you will be with you only if you have money. Money can seduce any girl for a limited time.

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    • We can't all be bought. Some of us have more integrity than that.

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    • This attitude is only going to get you stuck with gold diggers.

    • @Jessicocoa I had one and it was enough.

  • Whoever cares the least has the most power.

    In most cases its the guy chasing the girl, however there are cases (usually friends with benefits scenarios) where the girl cares about the guys more than her cares about him. she's already been having sex with him and wants him to commit to her. So in that scenario the guy has more power.

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  • Unfortunately, what @Kirah said is true. Even if you take cultural differences aside (between say Nordic countries, Latin American countries, Western Anglo countries, Western Latin/Southern European countries, Far East countries, and Arabic countries), the end is women have the power. It's more pronounced in some countries, Latin countries and Arabic countries, it's always down to the women. HOWEVER, a person only has power as long as you give them power. If you feel that a person is trying to do a power play, you can either be very solid in your position and not waiver/squirm OR you can just not play along at all and walk away all together.

    Nobody is inherently more powerful than anyone else, because any power they have is derived from someone or something else feeding that power to them.

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  • By default, women have the advantage, but every year I've gotten older since 21, the dating game tilts more in a guy's favor: guys finish their educations; guys finally finish puberty (it seriously takes until 25); guys slowly become more influential in their career; they start accumulating money; they get experience with different women and, thus, become more attractive to them in the process.

    All the while, the girls around them become older and more desperate while their biological clocks are ticking. Meanwhile, a man's dating options are replenished with the legion of commitment-ready young girls just reaching adulthood whose biological clocks have lots of time still left on them.

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  • Women, because they fuck up your mindset, one moment they act like they like you, and another moment they act distant and tell you they dont know what they want even if they had a great time with you. going through this fase now, and i probably blow my own brains out. understanding women is impossible.

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  • Women have the power, but they don't understand that they do. So the power just hovers about while human zombies roam into the unknown.

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  • How do you think men have any power in dating?
    Women hold the power of sex, thus control relationships until they get past the early stage. Eventually things even out. But at the beginning though say the first month or two, women hold all the cards.

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  • Neither really. In the courting stage it's neither as well. A man can approach or he can choose from whatever slim pickings comes his way. A woman can choose from whoever approaches her (if anyone), which doesn't always mean quality choices, or she can approach guys and be subjected to the same rejection that guys face.

    In a relationship, whoever cares less of the two has more power.

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  • Women have it for the most part, but a man can take it away if he's got "game" (or strong/charismatic character).

    Most women give it away when they meet a man they're really attracted to, so in a relationship the power dynamic shifts to about equal (if it's a healthy relationship). For EVERY other man that's ever approached her that she's not been interested in though a woman has always held the power.

    Notice that for men to gain power they have to attract a woman who's willing to become vulnerable with them enough to give it to them. We have to earn it. We have t work for it. Women are pursued by more men in one month than most men ever will be hit on in a decade. The ball is inherently in their court. They only have to earn it by being "not unattractive"; which is dead easy if you aren't some fat slob.

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  • He/she who cares least.

    That is usually the person with the most potential dating options available. This changes with age, continent, children, job etc.

    The older women get the less options they get because men gernally fancey younger women.
    And the older men get the more options they have because women generally fancy older men.

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  • After some revision and consideration, males actually have almost all of the dating power. Males choose the females they will go after more often than not, and females may accept or decline, but honestly the ultimate power of choice does actually lie with males.

    The proactive stance that males have also gives them an incredible amount of control as females are taught to, even today, be patient and wait until wanted. Male status also has a much higher effect on mating harems than female status.

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    • Women in today's world are making the moves themselves if they see that the guy is shy.

    • The core thing to remember is that this is a significant and still statistically rare shift. It's not even close to becoming a norm.

  • It depends on the dynamic doesn't it?

    If I ask a girl out, she has the power to say yes or no and if I am pursuing her for dates and arranging the dates, then she has the power. Women generally have the power as they are not pursuing men.

    If a woman pursues a man then the man has the power to determine what does or does not happen.

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  • Both hold the power but at different ages. Women have the power and start getting things from guys such gifts, trips once they start developing through 30. From there their power decreases like a stock. Men struggle from when their are born unless they inherit money power and fame. When men turn 30 it becomes a lot better and we get the power. Women around their late 20's early 30's become desperate as their biological clock is ticking. Men can get younger chicks once they have a job and are successful.

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    • Now that I think about it, it's the people who you give power that has the power.

  • Women do. It's always been that way. But that starts to shift as age kicks in because many women become desperate to find a man and she just hopes her looks hold up. It's sad, but that's the current state of things.

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  • Hands down its women. They get to pick and choose

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  • Is this even debatable? It's like asking which is brighter, day or night? Or who's older, a young person or an old one? It should be self-evident that women hold all the power in dating. Even guys at the top like Justin Bieber and David Beckham still have to make the first move, propose, and risk rejection. I also heard of a lesbian who disguised herself as a man for months and wrote about how demoralizing it was to approach girls and ask them out, since women hold all the cards.

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  • In online dating, women. Hands down. They can choose any man they match with and have their way with him. I can't even get a reply. Let alone a date.

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  • Women will always have the power because guys always propose and women dispose. Simple as that.

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  • Women, no doubt about it, especially if they are attractive.

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  • Women. Always. Evolution.

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  • Women since im insecure.

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  • For the most part women but not infallibly so. You will see a select few men who flip the script, usually the guy who is always
    surrounded by interested girls. This is an exception to the normal mechanics but still significant enough to be mentioned.

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  • The person with higher value

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  • Neither. Power doesn't belong to one group or the other, it belongs to the individuals, and which individual holds the power changes from one pairing to the next.

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