Been going out with my girlfriend for about a month (though we talked a great deal beforehand) and I thought things were going great. I had a trip over to her planned since I always wanted to see the city anyway and we were, as far as I could tell, madly in love with each other... or so I thought.
The girl in question has a lot of male friends. She's doing an engineering course so its to be expected. I Never took much note of it and trusted her much to my chagrin. Well today she told me that she kissed another guy "made out". She claimed to be sorry, said she only wants me etc etc but a few things she said worried me.
1) She said that it was "because she was lonley"
I live in the UK, she's USA. I stay up from 1 - 5am to talk to her and I help her with her work when she needs it. I talk with her for hours and we laugh the night away. She always says how much she cares, how much she is looking forward to me going over. She said that she doesn't even notice guys yet this proves otherwise. I know that her admitting it was good, I'm thankful but it doesn't change the fact she feels this way. This will most likley be the case forever. She said she's used to having someone to hold always and gave in. I haven't done that. I want her to be here but I don't cheat (whether its cheating is questionable I assume)
2) She says "I shouldn't have told you"
I didn't get mad, if anything I held back and asked for the evening off to think. She bombarded me with apoligies and sorries but that line bothers me to no end. I feel that because of the guilt she feels she won't say next time it happens. I'll be paranoid from now on incase she's keeping it from me to save herself from feeling bad. I don't want it to happen but if it does I deserve to know.
In truth I love this girl, more than I have anyone. I've been working overtime to save to see her, been looking at colleges in her city. We talked about the future so much that it seem
Most Helpful Girl
I'm not sure if you can really say you're madly in love after about a month of being with each other (even given that you two talked a great deal beforehand). But, I'm not saying that it's impossible.
That being said, it kind of confirms that you two (or at least her) were not madly in love. Yes, her admitting it was good, but if you think about it, will she do that every time she feels lonely? It was a conscious decision she made to make out with the other guy, with the context of her being lonely and that she's so used to having someone to hold. She needs to learn to adapt to her current relationship, not what she's used to from previous relationships. If she doesn't adapt, what will change even after her admitting to it... she'll still experience loneliness, and when she does, it's likely that she will seek to fill that void again.
About her saying she shouldn't have told you, you were completely justified in being bothered. By her saying that, it opens the door for her to do it again... and this time, you won't know because she already felt like telling you the first time was a mistake. It's like she removing herself from all accountability.
I know that you feel very deeply for her; however, it seems that she's still very selfish and cares only about her needs in this relationship. Unfortunately, that's a red flag right there. You're committed to making this work, but I highly doubt that she is because every time she's faced with something like this, it seems like she'll just make excuses or try to justify her actions.0