Guys, OLDER MEN: Do men always mean what they say?

Hey guys. :)

I've been wondering about something... This guy likes me, but the other day we spoke, I noticed something, well, not so good. It was a red flag to me...

He said that men want variety & that he supports the Muslim culture (no offence), where the men have several wives. Each wife gets to spend an equal amount of time with the husband, which makes it fine.

I took it that he's not in the right phase of his life & he's not prepared to open up his heart to one woman. I understand that men's testosterone levels are over x10 more than that of women, so was he just telling the truth, or do you think there's more to it?

It turned me off... He was married for a long time, but he's divorced now.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think more than anything, this tells you about the nature of his relationship to his first wife, and more significantly, the circumstance and aftermath of his divorce.

    Do not confuse envy with desire.

    I do not think he desires multiple wives. In the western ideal if marriage, that's way, way too much work. A marriage that was conservatively domestic and only modestly sexual could also be polygamous. A marriage where each partner is a true friend and lover is going to require very much more attention be paid between those involved.

    What he sees in a polygamous marriage is the absence of the circumstance of one woman having the power to destroy his sexual and family life.

    You should take this remark of his as a lead in to talk about his divorce, his thoughts on his marriage, how it failed, what he has learned and how he will apply it. That is a more useful discussion than peering into a throwaway remark regarding marriage in the Muslim world.

    • Wow! Excellent advice, thank you very much... I will definitely follow it. Very insightful. I also thought it linked to his marriage somehow, I just never knew how to get him to talk about it in detail. He always asks me all these straight forward questions, so I guess it's ok to ask.

      You're a very wise man. I can see that.

      I'm not sure if he was unfaithful. He just said briefly that it didn't work out, so I left it there.

    • Aw shucks. 😊

      I just wrote out what I could see. I've been through a divorce once myself. I'm since happily remarried. Following a divorce, everything is colored or influenced by that experience. This is true whether a person is the initiator of the divorce or not.

      He talked about marriage (albeit in the Muslim world). You said he was divorced. I just put the two together.

What Guys Said 2

  • No, men don't always mean what they say. That's number one.

    He may or may not have been telling the truth. If it wasn't the truth, it's an odd lie to tell, because it's neither very funny nor very admirable. It was, however, potentially very honest. A lot of guys feel something similar to that. Probably an overwhelming majority.

    Not surprised it turned you off. Might be best to write this guy off. Hope things work out for you.

    • He's a brutally honest person & very impulsive... Lol

    • Show All
    • Thank you! 😂

      Thank you for your time. :)

    • No problem. Later gator.

  • I think most likely he was just spouting some theoretical social nonsense off the top of his head without thinking. I wouldn't take it too seriously. I might be concerned that he needs to get a little more grounded though.

    • I took it seriously, & I actually ended up rejecting him. I said that we could be friends... I made contact after & he just ignored me, so I left it. After a couple of months he added me on a social media account, but never attempted to call me again/text - I never responded to the add. I feel bad that I didn't have enough compassion. Don't really know what to do now...

    • I don't think there's anything to feel bad about. You sure as heck shouldn't make contact with him again because you feel guilty. He said the words, whether he meant them or not. He said something that most girls are not going to react favorably to.

    • I just don't want to be petty about it, you know? But I will leave it. He will come around again eventually... Like I said to the man who gave advice above, he's a very impulsive & honest person, so it might just be his personality.