"Each person pay for their part on dates while already a couple" too calculating and ceremonious?

My opinion:

A couple should rely on each other. So i pay this for both, he pay that for both, i pay when he doesn't have much money and he does either.

We both pay but we dont count, dont care much about who pay more or less.

  • No, its normal
    49% (22)55% (17)51% (39)Vote
  • Yes it is
    51% (23)45% (14)49% (37)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "We both pay but we dont count, dont care much about who pay more or less. "

    This. Just pay for stuff and don't worry about one paying more than the other. If someone is counting pennies then that doesn't seem healthy for the relationship. That's too much of a "me" thing and not enough of a "we" thing. It should be "we" have this money so what are "we" going to do with it?

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    • You think exactly like the way I think. You even express it better. Thank you! :D

    • This is exactly like how my fiance and I have been since pretty much day 1 of our relationship. It's always been "ours" never "mine". We mutually decide what to do with our money and how to spend it - together. It's definitely the best option for my relationship, but I can understand why not everyone would like it. It won't work if you are more of a "selfish" person, where you want to have all of your money and spend it however you like.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes I find that it is. Even when I go out with friends we normally just split the check evenly as opposed to breaking it down. And when I go on trips with a gal pal we just take turns paying for meals. It just feels more harmonious that way.

    If you are a good fit for each other it shouldn't matter. Typically however invites pays but if it has been a while since I paid and it is somewhere I like I insist on picking up the tab when my boyfriend and I go out.

    I know a lot of people who say income doesn't matter you both should be putting in the same number of dollars but if I'm the one who makes considerably more more this is not the case.

    For instance I live in a city where most bars are always packed. So if after dinner he suggests we grab a drink somewhere I insist on paying for the drinks because the only bars that aren't packed are the ones where drinks are really expensive and I don't like loud bars.

    I try to keep it to where he gets to pay half the time but at cheaper activities.

    Where I fail is when a guy makes way more than me and wants to spend hundreds of dollars every weekend on festivals or flying somewhere. He suggests all the activities and I pay for my tickets which kind of sucks. I mean I don't expect him to pay my way but if the tables were turned I would pay a guys way of I wanted him to go to a festival that was $500 a head every other weekend.

    I had a relationship like that where every weekend we did all kinds of stuff and paid out on way. Maybe he would buy me some drinks at the festival or grab and go food after. But it felt more like I was his wingman or buddy than girlfriend because that was all we ever did. He never even took me to brunch or a nice restaurant.

    I guess what I'm saying is don't use people but don't let yourself get used either. Splitting things down the middle works for some people but if he really cares about you he would want to do nice things for you every so often.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Reason that I broke up. It was always "I pay" I don't count money and was okay with what food she got even if she ordered way more then I did. However having to spend over $2000 in 6 months on food & entertainment was bit much and was getting on my nerves. This to me seemed like a one way relationship.

    I would also like for her to pay for my $6 dollar burger, she had no problem me paying for her $25 lobster + $5 desert + $20 clamps, and then drive her back home and go to my own house which with trips to her place + some bar/theatre + other and back to her place was causing me to do 100/km a day.

    Woman please don't be like this.

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  • I don't like the 50/50 or the take turns thing. It murders the romance. Just whoever wants to pay that night pays. If you don't feel the desire to pay then something is probably wrong with the relationship. People should love spoiling their significant other.

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  • Something I will always respect my ex for. The topic of money was never an issue. I pays, she pays. Neither of us counted and it didn't matter. We just both put effort into things

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  • yeah I agree with your opinion about not keeping track. unless you start to notice that your date never seems to take their turn.

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  • Typically me and my girl pay each other epending on the situtation but we typically agree on stuff and we dont care

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  • This is interesting question actually. Ill just pay if i have the money to spare no big deal. Though some couples i know go down the middle, splitting dinner checks and everything. It's nuts honestly.

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  • It's not that hard to just pay for what you buy.

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    • I know, its easy and fair, but if that happen i will feel like my boyfriend (who should have to be so close) can be like stranger that i can't be in debt.

      I dont want there are counting betrween us. I eveb willing to pay all if he can't. Just dont count, dont be too fair.

  • i pay 90 percent of the time,

    but here's the problem, women put too much of who theyll stay/date based on the free life she gets. before being a couple, many women use men for their money even if their not really interested.

    here's the truth, equality won't happen until women treat themselves as equal. this means 50/50 and you dont ask for previledge in your daily lives... aka made things easier so you can handle it

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  • In my relationship, usually whoever invites pays, and other one makes a sincere attempt to pay but gets shut down. If we're just getting food but we're not really on a date, most of the time we each pay our own way.

    However we do it, it works because we never have to come to an agreement on who's paying.

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  • I'd like to count every cent and have everything calculated perfectly, that's the way I like things. But of course it makes things complicated and even if I mentioning it would annoy her, so it doesn't happen

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    • So you just calculate in your mind, yet not say it out? Would it feel uncomfortable? Then how do you guys (you and your girlfriend) pay for date?

    • Well we just sort of pay based on whoever has money at the time and whatever, it's very random. Just I like everything to be perfectly fair. Like if I was married to someone I'd want to write an algorithm to work everything out perfectly fair

  • I think whoever has the most money should pay. I'm broke. But I'll pay for everything if the girl I'm dating happens to be more broke than me.

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  • One of the reasons I broke up with my last girlfriend was she tried to shame me when ever I didn't pay for something.

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    • So I think it's important for both parties to take turns so no one is mistreated

What Girls Said 9

  • I think if a couple is keeping tabs, it's just too much work. I personally don't care. If I am dating a guy, I'll pay for dates, I'll bring him food, I'll drive us around. I'm not going to go up to him and say afterwards "you know what, I spent $50 bucks on dinner, $15 bucks on gas, and $3.57 for that starbucks coffee. Keep that in mind for our next date when you are paying." I would never do that. I would never keep tabs in my head either. I've dated too many guys like that and it kills the romance.

    I try to pay for dates when I can, and drive us around and stuff. I'll even buy them groceries if they are having a hard time. But I don't like it when people keep tabs.

    Now, it's really up to the couple. But I agree, it becomes too much after a while if you feel you have to constantly keep tabs on the money exchanged.

    The thing is, in relationships, you both do things for each other out of love. That's how it should be.

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  • I agree, splitting everything down the middle is way too ceremonious and takes away from the spontaneous romantic thing.

    We split the household bills 50/50, but when we go out, we take turns paying. Counting every penny is for paranoid fuckers.

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  • Whoever asks pays. I think it's that simple. However, I find paying for a man's dinner to be... odd. I can pay for anything else, but I would lose respect for him if I had to pay for his dinner.

    I don't know why.

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    • Well, people have their own ideas. Like I can't stand guy who complain about his life and pass to impress girls cause they think that i will show sympathy. 😑

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    • Whoever asks pays. I wouldn't ever ask a guy for dinner-period. And it's not about him asking me to pay at all---it's the fact that if I have to pay for him, it makes him look weak in my eyes.

      It's not as simple as you proclaim when you have no idea what I'm talking about.

    • I have similar view.

  • If you're already in a relationship then I don't see any reason why you couldn't take turns or even if one person has an higher income and wants to go somewhere nicer, then paying for the other who can't wouldn't be an issue for me.

    When it comes to just dating or the beginning stages of it then I insist on paying for myself and always will though, I don't think it's fair to take advantage of someone paying for you.

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  • I think that's a little too calculating. Taking turns treating each other is nice, I think. Unless one person is going through financial struggles, in which case it's nice to have their back for a little while. But other than that, alternating is nice. Whatever feels natural and right.

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  • I split bills with friends. With my boyfriend, he either pays for both of us or I pay for both of us, so i agree with you🙂

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  • Sounds good to me. It's what I do.

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  • I think if both people have money, then both should pay. And the person without money should not be asked to be taken out all the time or to someplace super expensive. That's just kinda tacky.

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  • My boyfriend and I are the same. He owns a condo and I do pay him rent because we are a team and I owe him anyway for living there. He never asks me for rent though, he says I don't have to pay him but I do anyway. If one of us are short on money, we pitch in and help each other. We don't keep count and it never mattered.

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