Is dating in your 20s supposed to be such a headache?

I'm 24. Asian American male, 5'8, in pretty good shape. When it comes to dating, I've always seeking a serious relationship (not sure if that's a good or bad thing).

I've asked out a pretty good amount of girls since I turned 18. The first grievance is that I've been rejected by many girls my age for what seem like the dumbest reasons. Uh, sorry I don't drive a Corvette? Sorry I'm not rich? (Right now I'm a poor graduate student taking loans) Sorry I'm not 6 feet tall? And of course, the dreaded "I don't date Asians" (Hurts a lot more when it comes from an Asian woman).

Girls whom I have managed to date for some period of time, I've gone all in: I listen, take care of them, try my best to communicate effectively, generally get along with their friends and family, have fun with them despite my busy schedule, and accept their shortcomings. I put in all the effort possible, but at the same time I still take care of my own life (school, my friends, etc.). Somehow, I got dumped by all of them for a hotter, richer, more fun guy. And yes, all these guys they left me for are womanizing jerks that hooked up with them then dumped them in the street.

I work hard in school and at my job, take care of myself, and treat women with the chivalry and respect they deserve. Despite this, I'm sure I'm not perfect and I'm always working to better myself. But I'm getting frustrated. Is dating in your 20s this much of a heart/headache?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just dating, at any age, is full of headaches and problems. Some people are lucky in it and some people just seem to get shafted at every turn. If you're already doing everything you can, which you seem to be (you seem like a terrifyingly well adjusted individual) maybe the problem isn't with you or anything you're doing specifically; it might just not be your time. Why not just stop trying to find a girlfriend and just take a break from it all. Maybe in your hurry to get a girlfriend you've been hitting all the wrong ones so just calm down and let whatever happens happen, you know?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I think dating will never ever be easy. Also it is never ever a 100% guarantee that you will even end up in a successful relationship that lasts a lifetime regardless at what age you are dating in. But the options are even less in the 40s and 50s.

    How many relationships have you already been in?

    What was the longest lasting one?

    Maybe you can try and see if you can figure out what you had right vs what you had wrong in all of your past relationships, starting with the longest lasting one you've had since I would think that meant you had the most consistency there or something. Then apply those experiences and try to avoid as many of the same mistakes you have made the next time around in your next or future relationship and hope for the best. Again, no absolute certainties or guarantees, unfortunately.

    Also, where are all of these girls you are seeing and dating from? Online? Introduced to you from friends or relatives? Bars? Clubs? School? Work? I doubt the latter two, most women and girls from the Bars and Clubs are moreso there for hookups than anything serious such as long-term commitment.

    They all sounded like they are very shallow, superficial, and stuck-up to me. Maybe you need to find someone that's just chill and down-to-earth or something.

    Remind them money can't buy everything if they ever insult you for not being "rich".

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    • 3 serious relationships to date, longest was 2.5 years.

      Yeah, I don't go looking in clubs, bars, or any hook-up havens like that. Few lasting relationships start in places like those. I've never done online dating before - I'm the kind of the traditional see a girl who looks nice, talk to her, hopefully get her number, call her later if I do, etc. If things really go down south then I'll consider it.

      All 3 ex-girlfriends were through university - I found them through campus events like meet and greets, volunteering, classes, etc. Most of my other casual dates were through this way too. I dated a few girls from work, but things didn't work out and things at work got a little weird, haha.

      Luckily I'm enrolled in a rather large university where there girl-guy ratio works in my favor. The caveat is that I'm a grad student and am insanely busy nearly 24/7, so it's a bit hard to find time to date. I'll be patient but make the effort. Thanks for your answer!

What Girls Said 6

  • From what my older friends tells me (21-25), yes it can be. Now don't get me wrong, I don't know you irl. We're both strangers; I don't know your life. But you sound like a nice guy looking for a nice girl to be in a relationship with. A relationship takes two people to make it work (at least that's what I believe). If you alone makes the effort to make the relationship work and your partner doesn't try, or dumps/reject you, I'd say don't give up! Perhaps the one you go for aren't interested in participating in the relationship with you and just are not the type for you. Well, looking at how nice of a person you seem to be, and they go for those jerks types, it sounds like the cliché sayings, "Nice guys finish last", but there's the other case where, "Nice guys knows how to take care of you and are loyal."

    In addition, they probably just want to have fun (assuming they're in college as well). College is the prime of youth, where the dating and the partying and the fooling around happens.

    To answer your question, YES! But dating in general whatever age you may be can give you heart/headache.
    Your past made me realize how I only have so few time left until number 20 comes around for me. I don't think I'll be going out on weekends afterall. Gotta study. (<--- Off topic)

    XxHope this helps.

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  • I don't like dating sometimes because I have to be careful who I talk because he may be an asshole or just want sex and those type of guys piss me off.

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  • I guess for you it is. There's really nothing you can do about girls who don't appreciate the interior side of things. Keep doing what you're doing and the girl for you will come along.

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  • dating at any age is a headache

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  • Dating is always a headache. Think of it this way - at least you're weeding out nitwits and not getting stuck with one!

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  • That really sucks. Wish things would go better for you. I've only been with two guys in my whole life

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What Guys Said 7

  • Maybe you're dating the wrong type of girls, the ones that leave you for those jerk are the types who generally want to always have fun somehow.

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  • stop dating bitches?

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  • I'm the same height but I've never dated a girl yet. Very hard and almost impossible to have a girl like you if you're an average looking Indian guy of average height with average amount of money.

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  • Very much so.

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  • Yeah, dating in your 20s is shit. I'm waiting until my 30s to give it a chance. If it's still shit, I'll keep flinging around till eternity, fuck it.

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  • There is no easy way to find a mate, honestly.

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  • Yes; and from what I understand, it doesn't get easier with age.

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