Why do you think people don't want to date you?

Let's be real, we all have our good features and bad features about ourselves but I like to believe that for most of us our plusses outweigh our flaws. However, there's a lot of people out there that struggle to get dates and into relationships despite being all-around good people. We all know there are two sides to the attraction coin; a physical and emotional connection are both needed to create or sustain attraction. But unlike physical attraction, which develops pretty quickly, emotional connections take longer to develop because you need to see multiple aspects of the person's personality to really get a feel for them. Something that can't really be achieved in the span of a couple dates. And yet people are dismissed as potential relationships because there was no "spark" in such a short period of time, and because of this, a lot of great people are either dismissed or never given a chance in the first place.

So back to the question title: why do you think people don't want to date you?

A) Do you think it's because people are too impatient and don't want to try to see your great personality through all the initial awkwardness and nervousness that often accompanies getting to know someone new?

B) Or do you think its because you don't put yourself out there enough and allow other people the chance to see what a great person you are?

C) Or do you think you're just ass ugly and no amount of a great personality could ever compensate for the utter lack of physical attraction?

Obviously these aren't mutually exclusive but I just wanna get a feel from everyone. For me it's definitely A and B. My personality's the type that grows on you gradually over time instead of being immediate. I just think a lot of people don't have the patience for gradual and want immediate.

Anyways, give me yo answers.

  • It's because I'm a sparkling gem and nobody has the patience to wait for the awkwardness to pass.
    22% (12)12% (7)17% (19)Vote
  • Nah, it's because I'm too closed-off from people so I don't even give them the opportunity to know me.
    20% (11)39% (23)30% (34)Vote
  • Nooope, it's because I'm fugly as balls. If I was a pile of shit, not even the dirtiest pig would wanna roll around in me!
    15% (8)12% (7)13% (15)Vote
  • A & B
    22% (12)14% (8)18% (20)Vote
  • A & C
    2% (1)0% (0)1% (1)Vote
  • B & C
    9% (5)15% (9)12% (14)Vote
  • A, B, & C
    10% (6)8% (5)9% (11)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • All of the above! I'm baffled by people who do want to date me. But for most people, it's partly because I'm awkward af and need time to warm up to them, and I'm sure plenty of people don't find me physically appealing. Which is whatever. *shrug*

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    • Do you think you allow yourself time to warm up to them or do you just bail on them?

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    • I think that's a common perception a lot of people have. We're too self-critical, thinking the other person is going to hold us up to some standard that we can't meet when they're really not.

    • Yeah, we all know the ugliest parts of ourselves, while primarily seeing the better parts of everyone else, so it makes sense that so many people don't feel they measure up. I tend to take it to extremes, myself, but I know loads of people have that same pattern.

Most Helpful Guy

  • All of the above for me. Like you, I think it takes a while for people to warm to my personality. There's nothing about me that would just catch a girl on the spot. Also for C, I wouldn't say I'm fuggy but I'm nothing special and I'm lacking the height to catch a girl's attention right off the bat.

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What Girls Said 23

  • Nooope, it's because I'm fugly as balls. If I was a pile of shit, not even the dirtiest pig would wanna roll around in me!
    hahaha! I like that statement!

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  • I think my problem has to do with being a brown woman in a white society. Everyone is not really as open to interracial dating or think I am not open to it cause I am Indian. I am shy and people mistake me as a bitch. I am also quite educated and that bothers less educated men sometimes. Also, once I open up I am a straight shooter and that shocks guys who expect the opposite from a shy girl. Top it all off with my type not liking me and me not liking what I have been attracting all my life. Looks wise I have a pretty face, very hourglass shape which men seem to dig even in a fun size woman..

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  • It depends on the persons haha
    - I'm saving myself for Marriage
    - Maybe they don't like the way I look? Dunno
    - I'm not very flirty IRL
    - I don't give real signs to the guys and usually ignore my crushes, so I maybe give them a stuck up/bitchy vibe

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  • I'm pretty sure it was all three of them when I was still single 😂 You pretty much described me with all of those choices lol.

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  • I'm clumsy and awkward and sad and weird, combine that with below average looks and that's it. That's why nobody wants to date me. They don't wait around to see that if I like someone I would literally do my best to make them the happiest person on earth.

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  • Do I have to pick between those? lol

    I think mostly it's because I wouldn't interest guys who want a "traditional" relationship. I'm not into having a leader or needing leadership in relationships. That seems to be an issue for some men. And I would never be a stay at home wife.

    I also don't want children, ever. That's a pretty big deal breaker for some guys.

    I also would like to keep my own personality even while in a relationship, a lot of people think you should provide unconditional love to someone, agree and support them even when they're wrong, I could never be that way. I've had issues with guys i've went out with thinking we should morph into the same person just because we're in a relationship.

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  • Because they mistake my straightforwardness as aggressiveness.

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  • I don t go out much
    I quickly dismiss people I am not interested in instantly
    I still think I need a lot more work on myself before I can work on a relationship
    but down side of all of this I really want a boyfriend too :P
    so mixed feelings here.

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    • "I quickly dismiss people I am not interested in instantly"

      Ya, that was the inspiration for this question! Why do you think you do that?

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    • Am I like what? Dismissive? Ehhh ya I can be I guess. But I can look past it if I like her enough.

    • yea but that s my point when I don t like the guy in first meeting I dismiss him :P
      but honestly I wasn t approach that much so :P

  • None... lol. It's the opposite.

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  • It's because I'm weird
    I dress strange
    I have piercings
    And I'm overweight
    That's why I'm single 😂 I'm not a sparkinling gem I'm a moldy rock

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  • Well, since I have lots of friends, and am pretty much absolutely loved in all of my social circles... Someone would probably not want to date me because they dont find me physically attractive.
    Im very skinny (no boobies and all), short and my nose is kinda on the big-ish side.
    Nothing I can do about those, nor do I want to.

    And Im not bitter, I actually understand them. I'm quick to dismiss someone I don't like too.

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  • I am a strong B, with weak C tendencies.

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  • A. Is about the closest to my situation I think.
    They see someone that is different and strange looking so they never bother to get to know me

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  • I am too direct and agressive

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  • Because some guys don't date my race

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  • I scare people away with commitment basically

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  • B&C with C partly being the cause of B

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  • I'm going to be a crazy cat lady

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  • B.
    I've already been told this. It's hard to shake that habit of being alone.

    I avoid studying (too much talking)/ hanging out with big groups of guys/girls my age because the conversations are very superficial. I'd rather read, paint/draw, so out somewhere than sjt down and watch football/basketball games. I don't drink.

    But i'm VERY good at talking with just about anyone. I got to parties, I play club volleyball, go to the gym, and go to football games with friends.

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  • I'm really awkward. And I'm not the right kind of attractive for the people at my school.

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  • I would be perfect if I wasn't overweight.

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  • Guys often like my personality and looks. I look girly, but act more like a tomboy, I understand guys. So I get on really well with most guys. And a lot of them at some point would've liked to date me. Some even described me as the perfect girlfriend.
    Saddely enough for them I have psychological issues with love and relationships, leaving me unable to do anything with it. I reject all, as I am unable to feel much. That is my biggest flaw I guess.

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  • I have no problem finding guys its keeping the ones I like. I think most guys initially think I'm hot so that's what draws them in.. but I think the neurosis and idiosyncrasies get old fast. Esp if I like a guy, then I try too hard and get clingy and annoying.

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    • So I guess A fits you the best then.

    • A mixture of A and B I guess

What Guys Said 20

  • 1. I spent 12-16 hours a week at the gym, that could be a problem for someone that wants to snuggle in front of the tv all night instead of going to the gym with me.

    2. I only eat pizza/sweets 1 cheat meal a week, unless i cheat on my cheat meal. which happens, and i feel guilty.

    3. uhh i can be impatient?

    4. I'm a control freak about music that is on when I'm driving lol

    other than that, either she is my type or not; either i'm her type or not. that's my take.

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    • 12-16h/week! Geez man, props on the commitment

    • 16 is a bit exaggeration, now that i do the math in my head im almost always there 2 hours a day so 12-14 would be accurate.
      for the record, i do like snuggling in front of the tv too tho lol

  • I chose "A", that people don't have the patience to wait for the awkwardness to pass. But it's more of my fault really. There should be less awkwardness by now, I should just be better at being attractive. I should have had my life together, had a sense of my identity and personality, started working on some interests. I'm kind of a mess.

    I graduated college with a bachelor's in business, but no careers have really appealed to me. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. My true interests are creative things and I really don't like the corporate setting. This has complicated things because without a job, I don't have money to do stuff, hence, I have very little stories to tell the girls that I want to date. Also, people tend to not respect unemployed people. So there's that.

    That brings me to my next issue. I haven't been pursuing any hobbies or interests. Partially this is due to a lack of money and not being able to relax because I need a job. But also, it's because I've never felt like I was talented or gifted or special, and even if anyone can learn anything, I worried that I was too old to get any good at anything so there was no point. I've been interested in storywriting, guitar, and drawing for a while now. But I haven't pursued them out of the fear of finding out I'm a fundamentally mediocre person. I'd hate to find out that all I can do is passively consume. I want to be able to create something neat. But I haven't, so I'm not that interesting yet.

    Speaking of not being a natural, flirting and being sexual has never come naturally to me either. It's hard for me to create a spark with someone, even though I can talk to the women I've liked over the years. I think part of it is because of the stuff I've mentioned before, not being interesting enough because I haven't been working on my identity and personality.

    Finally I've just been in a funk. I've had a lot of self-doubt, I've never felt confident. I've always been caught on this feeling of, what if I'm just not good enough for what I want? Be it money, a lifestyle, an interest, or a girl. I always worry, what if I'm just not good enough? It would crush me.

    I'd be willing to work hard at any of this if I knew there was at least a chance I could achieve my goals.

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  • Honestly my case is much simpler than that, I'm fairly decent-looking but I'm just as interesting a person as watching paint dry. No amount of looks can make up for the void that is the husk of my personality; people expect me to be interesting, but they end up severely disappointed.

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    • I would've gone with too overbearingly intelligent if I had to call it for you.

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    • That can change though.
      Not only can you work on finding something new to be interested in, there's a good chance that you'll find someone who meshes well with you eventually.
      I guess. I mean, hasn't happened to me but..
      Wait, I should've stuck to being peppy. Sorry man ;)

    • @ScruffynateAK It's fine, I was 17 when I met my first "girlfriend" at the time :P it's in quotes because we were not official, but we were totally hanging out every day and making out a lot. She was a transfer student though, she had to return eventually; that, and I was a total toolbox at the time, if there's a certain maximum upper level of emotional immaturity then I was way past beyond that. I had to learn empathy from a book, after all.

  • 1. Fucking ugly.
    2 I don't pursue anyone.
    3. Fucking ugly.
    4. Kind of a dick.
    5. Fucking ugly.

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  • Honestly most of the time it's because they're dating someone else already. My luck is so bad. But also I'm very picky so I don't ask a lot of girls. It just so happens the ones I do are almost always dating someone.

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    • Ain't that the truth eh. Such a blow to the confidence

    • Yes and no. I've realized that having a woman around isn't such a great thing often but id love to find the right girl somehow and someday.

  • "Nah, it's because I'm too closed-off from people so I don't even give them the opportunity to know me."

    this is the problem. i'm a laid back friendly guy but i tend to be reserved around strangers which is not a good thing!

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  • I don't know which one to choose. I'm such a socially awkward weirdo that I can't even tell for sure that people don't want to date me, because I don't interact with people.

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  • I'm short, I'm skinny, I'm white and I speak my mind without any care if I offend someone's feelings. I also have an attitude problem.

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  • I'm introverted, I'm bad at making contact, I'm too scared to ask anyone out, and I'm not the ugliest guy in the world but I'm definitely not particularly attractive.

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  • Its cause I went to college with their mom and they don't like that plus I embarrass their parents.

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  • because what i show is different from what i hide

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  • I am not ugly and have a good personality. I am just not boyfriend material.

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  • Because they never get to know me since o rarely ever talk to anyone.

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  • I'm very socially awkward. I've had a couple of girls hit on me, but I suck at making friends.

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  • I don't I just can't figure it out I mean I'm such a nice person. Surely you all would agree.

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  • I'm on the ugly side, plus my body could use more work.

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  • I honestly vote D... I do believe it

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  • I am too good a person in many ways, people wouldn't be able to keep up unless they were a hippie.

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  • I've been told many times that I'm "husband" material, just not boyfriend. Basically I I'm boring and ugly, but have money.

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    • It doesn't hurt that bad. The money helps keep me occupied for the most part.

  • I'm not really sure being in a small town , the dating scene can be very challenging. I've found rumors and such can do a lot of damage to ones chances. and there isn't a lot of available girls to begin with her. a lot of girls tend to be loyal to 1 guy for long periods and you never get the chance to date them. there may not be anything wrong with me I might just live somewhere where dating is very hard

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