She flaked on a date but kept texting me about it the next day? Was this a blow off?

Long story short, this girl and I have been talking and trying to get a date setup and it hasn't worked out because of timing on both our parts.

At the end she ended up messaging me (messaged me the night of the proposed date) way too late on a date I proposed but kept messaging me and offered me an alternate date that worked for her... a week and a half in advance. I figured okay, and told her I won't know for a few days because my exams and work but told her a definite timeline of when I would respond. She accepted and said she'll wait to hear from me and she's super excited about this.

So the day comes and I tell her what my schedule is like and we can definitely do it. She immediately comes back that she can't now because she's been given another shift at work she can't get out of. At this point I just told her alright well I'm doing my plan still and carrying on. She kept texting me abou the date that night and the next day... messaging me 4 or 5 times in total. By the end of it I just ignored the last few becaue it felt like a blow off since she didn't offer a new time.

Was this a blow off? I mean I don't get why she kept texting me about it, if she already thought she couldn't go.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm, I think from what you have said, it genuinely is just bad timing. Perhaps she really has been given another shift and work and feels bad that she can't meet you, yet again.

    From what you've said, she does sound excited to meet you. I do just think you both have had a bit of a busy schedule. Rather than ignore her, why don't you really politely just be upfront about it with her? Or you could just try to arrange another date for a day you'll definitely both be free. I guess if she flakes this time, then you'll know that she is actually blowing you off.

    I honestly don't think she is though :)

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    • Hmm okay I mean I just don't why she kept texting me the next day about it but didn't make an offer for another time... especially since this was her idea.

    • Maybe she's scared you're pissed with her?

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to tell from this information if she's actually interested or she's just stringing you along saying "Yes" but not committing until you give up. From personal experience and the fact that she kept texting, I am under the impression that she really is busy and does intend to date you.

    I've had a similar experience a couple of months ago. We must have tried 5 times to find an appropriate day until we finally did. As long as you're both contributing to trying to find a day that works, which seems to be the case, you shouldn't be too discouraged. HOWEVER, there comes a point where your schedules conflict too much to make a relationship a viable option for the two of you. You have to decide if this is the case or if she's worth the trouble.

    To answer your question, it doesn't seem like a blow off to me but I am troubled that she didn't suggest an alternate day. Send her a message asking how her schedule is looking for ____ and try to set something up. If she blows you off again (especially, without giving you an alternate day), I would suggest moving on.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I don't think she was blowing you off, otherwise she wouldn't have kept asking you about it. Sending you one text about the date is a way of apologizing for missing it/blowing you off, but sending more than that tells me she really wanted to go but had an obligation she couldn't get out of. She probably felt bad for missing the date when she was the one who specifically asked you in advance to reschedule, so now she might be wondering if you're irritated with her. The reason she hasn't offered to reschedule again, in my opinion, would be because she feels guilty about missing her first rescheduling and is looking to see whether *you* are still interested in going on a date with *her*. She may think it's your turn to reschedule since she messed it up.

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  • I wouldn't go right to assuming that she's blowing you off if she's still reaching out to you but I might leave it up to her to schedule it. If a girl really wants to see you she will. I know it's not good but there have been times where I might string a guy along without any intent on actually hanging out with him just to give him some hope bc I feel bad about not being interested. Again that's definitely not the right thing to do but letting someone down who might be excited about you is never easy. But I can say with certainty that if I wanted to see a guy and he was willing to make the time for me I'd make sure I was available even for coffee at the very least just so we can get together. Hope that helps😊

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    • Ya I thought the same as well, which is what I did. I just didn't reply to her texts in the end, because I didn't know if she was stringing me along... even though she told me she loves me and wants to date me multiple times.

    • If she loved you and wanted to date you she'd be dating you.

  • If she keeps texting you she is interested, she could be afraid of your rejection as she could not make it to the prior appointment. Why don't you try to have a phone conversation first? By texting you can't appreciate the other person intention in their voice. Talk to her, clear the air and work the schedule to finally meet!
    Good luck!

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  • My initial hunch is that she's overwhelmed with her work schedule, because if she wasn't interested/ if she was blowing you off... she wouldn't have replied or tried to reschedule at all. Sometimes I feel like that and so I've avoided relationships because of being bogged down by school. It doesn't mean she's disinterested. I think you guys need to have a talk about this. Find out from her clearly if she's interested and what's up with the difficulty in making a date work out.

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  • No, doesn't sound like it. People really have scheduling conflicts. Relax.

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  • She either really busy or trying to attract you 💁🏻
    If that's help I'll tell you what I would do as I'm girl. if I don't like man, I would show attention a little then I Tell him I'm busy then I Just Act like I didn't see his texts
    No hurts but No apologize unless he's clingy

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  • I don't know, give her one more chance and see what happens. If she still flakes don't waste more time on her. Why did you message me asking to answer this question when you already have 13 other responses?

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  • it seems like she does like you but perhaps she is nervous about meeting up or is actually being 100% honest and her work schedule is hectic.

    Worst case scenario is she is just pulling you along because she likes knowing you have interest in her.

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    • Hmm, well wouldn't she have at least tried to make another offer like she did the first time?

  • I'd give her another chance too. Like some of the other girls who commented said, she might just feel like a jerk for cancelling and wants you to suggest that you guys go out again bc she feels like she's being too pushy by making all the plans.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think you've gone way to negative to quick. There could be any number of reasons why this has happened one she's simply telling the truth any of us would be gutted if we had a new date planned then told we had to work.
    Next this is a tough one for many to understand. The nerves, shyness and emotions around the first date are massive.
    She may just be super nervous and so many of us can't function naturally when we get that nervous or even excited.
    It comes down to you. How much would you like to see her? If you really do then take the lead he the man be decisive.

    Right I really want to see you are we going to make this happen please?

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  • My gut feeling is she is actually interested, but her schedule just got in the way. The fact that she came back immediately and tried again suggests that she was making an effort to make it work.

    She may not have provided you with another time, because she maybe wanted you to take the lead and suggest some times. That way she knows she did not scare you off and that you are still interested.

    I would give her the benefit of the doubt... what can it hurt? If she schedules something again with you and flakes on it, then you know she is either playing with you, or she is not interested enough to follow through.

    Regardless of what it is you can then say... we tried... it didn't work, lets move on.

    I always give a person two chances.

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  • To assume, as some of the posts do claiming "if she's into you, and blows you off, then think about how she'll treat you in the relationship" is bogus.
    Sure, she may be into you, but you both ain't dating; she may totally get to know you or you get to know her and determine theirs no chemistry, or you aren't into each other like you both thought.

    It seems like by the time you got back to her, the option to work came up as well and rather then waiting for your response she took the extra work shift.

    Relax, don't freak, nor be rude to her about it.

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    • Okay, well the main thing is I told her I would reply by a specific date... and she said that's fine I can tell her anytime, even the day before the event. When day I had promised to reply back by came, I told her and she replied she was working that weekend

  • Proceed if you want. Something to consider: suppose she is actually into you. This is how she treats someone she's into. Do you want a girlfriend this unreliable?

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    • Ya true, was thinking that as well. I mean I just don't get why she would invite me, then flake, then keep texting me about it.

  • Patience. It really isn't enough to say that she blew you off. Sorry, your date went south, but also its the first time isn't it? Give it another shot before you make up your mind.

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  • She's just not that interested... on the wall about you.

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