Have you gotten into someone that you were not attracted to at first?

Attraction can grow over time. More so with women with men. I met this girl who we really clicked. But i do not find her attractive. Does anyone have any stories of themselves not being attracted to a person when they first met and then they did?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My dad wasn't attracted to his 5 year girlfriend initially because she was plus sized and he had never been into plus sized women. But over time, he began to actually prefer plus sized women. Lol.

    I personally have fallen for a guy I didn't think was all that, because once I got to know him the more attractive he became to me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah this happened to me once. I really enjoyed that actually. One moment you only see her as a friend, then all of sudden she just becomes this ray of sunshine to you.

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What Girls Said 84

  • Me! lol. I wasn't attracted at all to my boyfriend. I honestly thought he was a drunk imbecile, and childish. I didn't give him a chance. He kept trying and trying with for 7 months, and I finally caved because he wouldn't give up, but then he started talking about intellectual topics, and he started to show me a different side, and he showed me love, and he's naturally funny. When I gave him a chance he was actually a very nice guy and a nice catch :) I became very attracted to him, and I started crushing on him. It lead to us being in a relationship rather quickly, but now I have been official with him for 6 months now, and I am actually in love with him <3 He showed me to appreciate myself, and he showed me how much I am worth, because I always felt like I was worthless. He definitely lifted me up when I was down, and because of that, and his loyalty and genuine love for me really made me fall in love with him, and I am so glad I gave him that chance. By the way he has slowed down on the partying, and he became a calmer person when he got me, all of his friends said I change him for the better! He was once a wild, party, drunk guy, that got girls, and only cared about partying... it went form that to him only drinking a few and taking me out on dates, and having a calm, healthy relationship. :) <3

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    • Aawwww !! 🙊 That story is so nice !! Good luck together 😊

  • For me my feelings don't grow in terms of me suddenly liking someone I didn't feel initial attraction to. I can tell within minutes if I have a connection with someone and feel a spark. My feeling hasn't ever changed for someone.

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  • oh yeah, definitely. When I first started hanging out with my my current boyfriend, I was not into him at ALL. In any way. I knew I liked his personality, but even went so far as to do things purposefully to deter him when I realized he was probably interested.
    Two years later, and things have obviously changed around quite a bit. :P

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    • What made you change?

    • @Alexagon we continued spending a lot of time together and after several discussions with friend about it and my telling them it's strictly platonic, they kind threw me a curve ball when they asked me how I'd feel if he told me he was interested in someone else. Which obviously wouldn't have sat well with me so I realized that maybe my feelings had, unbeknownst to me, developed into something more.

  • I met a guy on an anonymous app before and we had clicked from the very first message. We never saw how each other looked on the other side of the screen. The day we met in person I honestly felt no attraction to his appearance. It wasn't that he was ugly, he just wasn't the type of guy I usually found hot or sexy. Over time though I found him more handsome, still not hot or sexy but handsome in his own way. The thing I find with attraction is for me it's not just skin deep, the longer you are around someone the more used to their appearance you become. Another example of this is with people like my brothers friends or the guys in my class: over time I don't think of them as hot or cute, but more like just other people or like a sibling. So really, attraction can work both ways in my opinion.

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    • I am really glad you left an opinion on my question. I met a girl in a very similar way. We clicked immediately. We exchanged pictures today and i am not really attracted to her. She has a nice body just normally what i would go for. We plan on meeting soon and maybe it be similar to your expiernce. What happened to you and the guy?

    • Well your situation probably won't be too similar to mine... At first it was awkward, but after talking and joking my way through my shyness, things got better. We hung out, became more like friends, then he kissed me and we got even closer. But then his demons caught up with him and he had to move away for a while, so now we write and plan to maybe try again when he gets back. Even though I didn't find him attractive, I tried to find the things about him that I did like, such as his personality, and little quirks that I found cute. The main thing I would suggest for you to do is to not push the non-attraction issue, try to just go off her personality for now and see where things go. Maybe you will find things about her appearance that you find attractive, maybe you won't. Just don't turn around and say "I'm not attracted to you, let's break up," because let's face it, that'll probably hurt her. As cheesy as it sounds, communication is a great thing to have in a situation like this.

  • Yes, I am with someone who in grade school I didn't find attractive. But later I found he has his own unique look to him. Good luck. Remember looks aren't everything, and some times the way a person thinks and does things may make you see them in a new light. They may be a very kind, thoughtful person. You can see that a good looking person who is self centered and very manipulative is worse than a semi good looking decent looking person, who is very kind and open minded with a sense of humor can win you over!

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  • Oh yes. We met at 15 and 20, so there was the age thing of course. All the girls my age had a crush on him though, and I didn't. I didn't find him physically attractive at all, and while I thought he was a nice guy and role model, his personality (or the one he showed, being in a leadership position) didn't appeal to me romantically. Over the years, I got to know him better (see the side he didn't show), and as I fell for his personality, the physical attraction followed. I still don't feel intense physical attraction, but I'm so attracted to who he is as a person that it doesn't change anything. The emotional connection often reflects itself in a physical manner, if that makes sense.

    I was never not attracted to him, mind you. Back when I met him at 15, there was something. I just didn't recognize it for what it was, and the situation we were in didn't allow for it. Had circumstances been different, attraction may have been more immediate. A lot of my attraction to him, however, does stem from a mental connection I feel with him, and that took time obviously. So I can't say. I felt a click right away, but I didn't see it, and it took time to grow.

    There have been many times where a guy has made a move on me, and I was never attracted to him in any form from the get go. Not because I dislike him. It just wasn't there. And it never will be. So you ask, can attraction come later? Yes and no. Something has to exist from the beginning. It can be tiny, so tiny you and her don't detect it, but it has to be there.

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  • Yes!!
    I met a boy at school, we were in the same class. I noticed he was very interested, but i couldn't really say the same. I didn't know him well and wasn't really attractive, but when i did get to know him, i realized he had an amazing personality. We talked a lot as friends, but I grew to like him for his intelligence, confidence, humor, and a lot more he had to offer. I never told him i had a crush on him, but i definitely did. It was his personality that made me notice certain little things i liked about his appearance that i never noticed before. It's true when they say personality is key because it really does blur the line between outer beauty and inner beauty.

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  • yeah my current boyfriend, & i went to the same elementary as him for 2 years (when i moved to the city im currently living in), but never really got to know him until high school, where i started an anime club in gr 10 and we sorta got to know each other (as friends), we live near each other and sometimes would walk home together. then a year later we had a really easy gym class together with another friend, and that was a blast. up till this point i had kinda loner but i started developing a social life when he asked me to come sit with him & friends at lunch, and got along really well with the guys and they became friends of mine too. i didn't start to crush on him until a year ago when people were asking if we were dating cause we hung out a lot, and it kinda put the idea of him being a romantic interest in my head (he's a nice guy, funny, smart, easy going, what's not to like? kinda deal). and then i fell hard and fast. the trouble is i have a verrrry hard time opening up about stuff, so asking him out caused me major anxiety and every time i wanted to say something i couldn't. it was thanks to my friend intervening that i finally did it and i couldn't be happier! I don't know if we'll ever get married or anything, but right now i couldn't imagine him not being in my life.
    sorry that this is so long, im feeling a little extra sweet over him today because he came to little Christmas party/ presentation that the karate class i help out at does. it felt really nice to share something that i love with him and he enjoyed it so i feel happy right now :)

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  • yes, i have. and it turned out to be a super duper good thing that i went with my gut!!! at first i didn't think he was all that and a bag of chips, but now i think he's the sexiest guy ever!!!

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  • I've never had that tbh.. Like I have to be attracted to them to actually even be interested to get to know them better in the first place - if we're going to be more than friends.. :P

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  • I did, but I should have gone with my original gut feeling. He was a creep, People kept saying what a "nice guy" he was and that I should give him a chance and when I actually started to like him he help me down and shoved his tongue down my throat until I was choking. Then he ended up raping a girl from my high school after I stopped talking to him. I should have known I wasn't attracted to him for a reason.

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  • My current boyfriend was in a gang in high school, him and his friends almost killed one of best friends around that time so I seriously hated him so much, I thought he was the nastiest person I've ever met. Whenever I saw him I would talk shit because I'm like a chihuahua. I have little man syndrome.
    Anyways, we started talking on facebook a few years ago and he's changed so much. He's not in a gang anymore and he apologized for everything, he still fights here and there but it's not that big of a deal. I guess you can say things have changed lmfao we have an almost three year old daughter..

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  • Yes. Several times. Most of my crushes didn't catch my attention at first, but later I started being attracted to them.

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  • I have. There have been guys that i was not immediately physically attracted to, but the attraction did grow over time as i got to know them. Who they were as individuals definitely did shine through. I saw them for who they were, which changed how they looked to me. I am all for getting to know someone before discounting the possibility of becoming a couple.

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  • Well, I'm not a super physical person in 'real' life. So, I don't really find myself actively attracted to a lot of people. I guess everyone I've ever dated, I was not gaga over to begin with. That being said, I thought they were cute (and I think my boyfriend was cute since day 1) but I wasn't smitten per say. I take the person before the face, and I don't get too attached until I know that person.

    So, my answer is, connection is most important. Bomb sex, the best sex, is with someone you really care for. And so, what's the point of tossing someone to the side that you really click with just because of this. I'm not saying you should commit right away, but test the waters and see if the connection/attraction spreads to the rest of her.

    I guess my biggest story like this was my first serious boyfriend. I wasn't interested in bf's at the time. And even though I see the best in everyone, I recognized he wasn't classically handsome guy. But by the time things got heavy, I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world.

    Hope this helps.

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  • Yes. That has happened a lot. I think because for me, a guy's personality is what makes or breaks it for me. I've met guys that I felt were ok looking and after getting to know them, they've become more attractive. And vice versa. I've had plenty of crushes on hot guys and after realizing that they were douchebags, their attractiveness took a nosedive.

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  • lol i have, yeah.

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  • I'd say it's happened quite a lot for me... once you start talking to someone etc. More you like someone's personality the more attractive they are for sure.

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  • Oh heck yeah.
    The guy I like currently, I've been around him for a year and honestly never really noticed him. Never particularly found him attractive, just another guy - didn't give him much thought.
    Fast forward a year. He did something nice for me, and that's when I actually noticed who he was. Still no feelings, but saw him differently for helping me out when other people didn't.
    Then there was some eye contact. And then I saw him dressed up, and suddenly it hit me out of the blue how incredibly handsome he actually is. Maybe he looked more mature the way he was dressed? I don't know what it was. But ever since then I've had quite a crush on him, and it appears to be mutual. :)

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  • Oh yea... I've worked in the finance industry for 5 years. In 2012 i began working at a firm whereby a younger guy was to train me as he was switching departments. We were fairly close in age but he was not even remotely my type. Not to toot my own horn, but I'd say I'm a pretty attractive female. My type tends to be italian looking, broad shoulder, nice jaw line type guys. This one, blond, no jaw line, chubby... just not even remotely my guy. Honestly, at times i mistakenly thought he'd walked into the cafeteria, when it was in fact a 50 year old woman in a trench coat (also didn't grow much facial hair this one). However, he was persistent. Beyond belief persistent, and he knew his flaws and would make fun of them. This made his every flaw seem flawless and overtime i truly fell for him and couldn't keep my hands off.

    The moral of my story, if this person is someone that makes you smile, someone you love to talk to and they view you in a physical manner in which you don't view them. Give it a shot. Have a drink or two, loosen your inhibitions and give the guy who puts the smile on your face, the chance to the Ohhhh on it... just saying!!

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  • Yeah actually that just happened to me for maybe the 2nd time recently. I met the guy like a year ago and he was such a noob then. He was an awkward home schooler and he had a thing for me and he would rarely talk to me and his friend would kinda talk to me for him sometimes and he gave me him # by sneaking it to me. Not a very confident guy and he didn't smile much either but I've seen seeing him around lately and he's waaaay more outgoing and he talks to me and he has a really nice smile and he isn't afraid to admit that he likes classic romance novels and I just find that kind of confidence so manly! He like my #1 crush now :)

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  • i think for the most part, someone becomes more or less attractive the more you get to know them. For example, i know this one guy who is the hottest guy I've every had the fortune to meet, but he's such an asshat! automatically he isn't so attractive (whilst nice to look at) there is nothing there at all. Same the oppisite way around, i dated this one guy who looked like the rough side of a sponge but he was such a good guy it just worked. If its working with you and this girl you'll look at her and think she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen because ehr as a person makes up for the fact that you may not particularly find her attractive

    just never tell her you dont find her attractive!! :P

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  • Yes I have!

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  • yes!!! totally, and it happened on the first date. I agreed to go out with him but I was never sure I wanted to go out with him. I felt like I had to. But when we were on the date he made me laugh a lot and I never thought about kissing him until he kissed me. and it was fantastic. Best kiss I ever had!

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  • Yes it happened!!! However I was more neutral towards them at the beginning, I wasn't un-attracted.

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  • Eh.. I don't think so. If I don't find them attractive is very hard to find them attractive after some time lol

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    • You've never seriously been in a relationship.

    • Yup. But I would never get into a serious relationship with someone I don't feel attracted to.

  • Yep definitely, before nearly 3 years, I had a crush on a guy in my class... I didn't even NOTICE him at the first week in high school 😆 the professor called his name on the list and I was like " who's that? I never seen him before " I didn't pay attention to him at all, after months I started to have a crush on him, but now things changed 😆 anyways, my current boyfriend, the same thing happened to me, he was just a friend.. A normal friend 😆 BUT THEN we got closer to each other and all, and we ended up falling for each other... The bad thing is.. its a Long distance relationship 😅 the distance won't stay for, long though 😎 ( I hope so )

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  • Yes!! I met this guy for the first time and at first I was like "ew, no. He's not cute, you can tell he's nerdy, and he's just not attractive" but now I'm super into him. I think about him constantly. I find it weird that this developed, but, yeah.

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  • Yes a little bit but not to the point it should in order to really have a spark. It was enough to give the relationship a try but not enough for the relationship to last. :(

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  • Yes I've fallen for my friend. I didn't find him attractive at first (I mean, I didn't think he was ugly but I didn't think he was my type), but then we clicked on an emotional level. Now we're besties and I'd totally date him, not only for his personality, but for his body xD

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What Guys Said 31

  • Yup, that's definitely happened to me, and that somehow turned into my longest lasting relationship to date.

    I met her through a friend and I just thought, nice to meet you, new female friend who will remain a friend. Nothing wrong with you - you're not bad looking nor stuck-up, there's just no chemistry between you and I.

    Like the 3rd time we hung out we were in a group and out of nowhere I thought huh, she's actually kinda hot. Yeah, we've hung out. Yeah, she's pleasant, but just something about her is getting to me. Before I knew it, I was head over heels for her, got butterflies in my stomach just hearing her name, I couldn't stop thinking about her, got nervous around her.

    I don't know what happened, because just a few weeks prior I had her in the friend zone. Finally, I grew a pair and asked her out. A couple dates in, she admitted that she felt the exact same way as I did - zero initial attraction but somehow I grew on her. Strange.

    Sometimes attraction to someone will just hit you like a hammer with no warning. It's weird. But sometimes great things come from it.

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  • Well when i was in 3rd grade, around maybe 8 or 9 years old this girl came over and we played various video games together, which at the time, i thought was really cool, then when i was almost 10 years old she stopped coming over. so i hated her for the longest time until i was 14, when she somehow got my phone number (from an old friend i think) and she called me and asked me if i wanted to hang out, going against my feelings for her i said yes and after a while i confessed that i loved her, and the feeling was mutual and now she is still my girlfriend, i'm thinking about marrying her. (Shhhhhhh)

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  • Yeah there was this I girl I knew for a while since elementary school days and we both ended up having a few classes together throughout HS while also playing volleyball for our respective teams. So a couple of my teammates brought her up saying we'd look good together and how they think she's into me. I was way more oblivious to girls back then, but the way she acted around me did make it seem true when I actually thought about it. Before I knew it I started seeing her differently and finding things about her attractive and eventually crushing on her. It all was just weird because I was never really attracted to her. So long story short, she didn't see me that way and I was crushed. I was like how the fuck did this happen, not even a few weeks ago I didn't even like you lmao. I was mad confused because all the signs of a girl liking a guy were there. Not gonna lie it hurt like hell and my teammates/friends were confused when they found out too.

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  • Yeah, I met a girl who I originally thought wasn't especially attractive but the more we got to know each other and the more our chemistry developed I began to grow more and more attracted to her. To this day, I think she's more beautiful than any other girl I've met.

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  • Yes!
    I've dated girls that I find 'below average'.

    I wouldn't date someone I am repulsed by though.

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  • People brought up me dating a friend of mine. Ever since she has been looking more attractive. But I probably won't pursue anything lol

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  • Well if I'm not physically attracted initially then that won't change but there have been times where my emotional attraction in terms of clicking with a girl has developed.

    I'm not a shallow person by any means but there's gotta be some physical attraction but also, we have to click too. There have been many times where I'd get responses from very cute women but if our conversations were too dull and it was quiet unless I was talking consistently then it wasn't gonna work out.

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  • Yes, here is this girl from high school. When she first came to school, I just kind of had no attention but only liked her. Later after three or four months, I started crushing on her and last yet I in love with her.
    Unfortunately, it was too late for me and I became just a friend of hers.
    Thus this proves "Girls shall go for the wrong guy if the right guy doesn't seem to advance the relationship"

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  • For me, I must be attracted physically to someone who i have romantic interest with. Otherwise, I will be confused what im attracted to her, cause im visual. Not to say im shallow, but this is how it works, men biologically.

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  • Yas! There's no such thing as love at first sight... except if it's with food then that's definitely true om nom nom nom.

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  • i think its widely beleived that when a man doesn't have initial attraction, thats it. but when a women didn't like you in the beginning, you can change tht

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  • No, I've spent a lot of time around friends who weren't even bad looking just average and I never once felt stronger feelings, looks are a must for me

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  • For me there always has to be a certain level of physical attraction before I can get attracted to her emotionally. Emotional attraction is far stronger though.

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  • Yeah that does tend to happen, but it only happened once

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  • Yes my mom set me up with this Italian girl named maddy I never loved her but eventually after knowing some weird features about her I started liking her she drove my family crazy I still just liked her eventually we stopped talking after a while I was getting that weird feeling that I loved her

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    • What were the weird features? Lol

    • She had anger issues she got mad with my family all the time or maybe everyone that upsets her she was com around me she has health issues I mean she fell on the floor at the mall once and she didn't even trip off of anything

  • Happens all the time in school just cause you see them everyday. Also happens in reverse too

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  • I can't remember a time that's ever happened, but I know quite a few cases where the opposite has

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  • No not really

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  • No. Never. haha, a girl is either my type or she isn't.

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  • Yep, been there, done that, currently doing that.

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  • Yeah, it can happen of course

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  • Yes, and i guess it's because people "look better" the better we know them.

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  • Not someone who I was actually not attracted to at all at first, but my level of attraction has increased dramatically after interacting longer with a couple of girls.

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  • No, never happened to me.

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  • Doesn't usually happen

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  • The vegetable called as ladies finger :/

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  • No, unfortunately, I haven't

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  • My ex told me I wasn't the type she usually go for she usually go for guys who have huge muscles and balled... She told me she was attracted to me as a person my heart said it a mental attraction... We were together a year. Then I found out she cheated on me w 2 guys... Her reason is bc she loves muscles... So I broke it off with her and cut her out of my life. She sends me an email saying next time I date someone make sure they are attracted to me or they will cheat...

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  • A few yes. I mostly cursed though with being shallow.

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  • A lot of people will claim they have, but really it not that the person was truly ugly, but rather that the person wouldn't be their 1st choice. Ihate when people say this because they make it seem like that the person was frightfully ugly in appearance then they "fell" for their personality.

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