Because for me, it's the thought that if I only played my cards right, if I'd only done things differently, if I'd only known how to present myself, if I'd only had myself together in time, if only I'd been confident all along and made myself into an interesting guy by the time I met them... then maybe I could have. I feel like I really could have done it, if only I just knew how.
We could talk pretty well, we had a lot to say. Yes, I liked how they looked, but I genuinely enjoyed talking to them, I found them so fascinating. and they claimed to like to talk to me too, that I made them feel good too. And they were always so sweet to me. They actually encouraged me to do well, they showed at least some interest in my life and seemed to really care.
I really kick myself for not going for what I wanted in life so I would have had more to show for myself, not being confident, and not knowing how to flirt. I wanted to be interesting and I might have been if I'd been going for something, but I made myself look prudish and stiff just because I didn't know any better, and I let down my guard and made myself look lame. I blew it out of ignorance. It's no one else's fault but mine, maybe society's a little for encouraging people to not give chances to those who make mistakes. But I still should have known better.
Now I don't know what I'm going to do. It doesn't look good but I'm going to keep trying, I guess. Going to keep trying and maybe someday I'll be interesting enough and they'll change their minds. I've never met anyone like them before or since and it's highly unlikely I will again. They were really on another level in terms of looks, personality, and our ability to converse... how I found them so interesting, how I would have loved to share life with them. Damn.