I don't find my boyfriend's body attractive?

It's a fairly new relationship so we have not has sex yet. Basically, long story short: He has a belly that sticks out (and his body is not toned), and it bugs me, and I feel like if we did have sex, that I wouldn't enjoy it.

I am an athletic person, and I at least try to exercise and maintain my shape.

This is the only thing that bothers me (I love everything else about him).

I know this sounds incredibly shallow but I find him more attractive when he has clothes on rather than clothes off. How do I approach this to him, without hurting his feelings?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Damn hahaha! I don't think it's shallow of you to feel that way. You put in the time and effort to be healthy and look good its only fair to expect the same out of your partner. You know him better than we do I guess you can go about it one of two ways:

    1. Try changing his habits for him, little by little. Convince him to go workout with you every so often, make him eat healthier foods. Like if y'all go to get fast food or something, try and get him to order a chicken sandwich instead of a baconator or whatever. Try to convince him to not buy soda when doing groceries get sparkling water instead. Like little things that might start adding up.

    2. If y'all are getting serious just be upfront about it. Give him the whole "I care about you and want us to be together for a long time" etc. Feeling that way you do and keeping it to yourself will only be a burden on y'alls relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What would you say if he told you something like that? Fuck off, right?

    You would start thinking if you could keep your shape forever, what about when you get pregnant, etc.
    In other words, you don't approach him.
    It's usually taken as a given that people dating you are actually attracted to you... this is a bit sad. Stop leading him on.

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What Guys Said 28

  • a simple thing would be to encourage him to start working out a bit, perhaps you can do this slyly by just asking him if he wants to join you when you go for workouts

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  • you could try to get him to sport together, like ask him, if he wants to join in for sports, it's a perfectly normal question and it can be massive fun :)

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  • Physical attraction is a huge component of a good relationship whether people wanna believe that or not. Without it the relationship is doomed to fail... in other words it's a waste of time

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  • If it's that much of a problem, you really need to talk to him.
    Look, I've got the same issues your boyfriend probably has (though I'm probably a little fatter and uglier). If you speak to him about it (perhaps about exercising rather than telling him you're not really attracted straight up) he'll infer that you've got some issues.
    If it becomes a really big deal, he gets angry, then we've got some other issues.
    A person should be willing to work for their partner (not CHANGE their personality or anything, don't come after me y'all).
    It's a long road ahead of anyone to get in shape, whether they're obese or simply overweight, it simply changes whether it will be months or years.
    If you want to, for instance (this is just a vibe I got from your question) have him stay clothed in some aspect during sex, then there's a whole conversation you need to have.
    That's a stickier issue, and might result in a more serious conversation about how you feel about his body.
    Good luck OP.

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  • Then why are you dating him?

    I'm sure he has a great personality or whatever, but it's not shallow to at least be attracted to who you're dating. Especially when you take care of yourself, it's expected to expect your SO to take care of themselves as well.

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  • You wait 10-15 years and he'll say the same!

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  • Just tell him that you'd like him to go too the gym and get fit, because of how you feel. But tell him you still love his personality and that's the only thing that bothers you. If he says no then tell him too jog on. You have too be happy with his body other wise it will only annoy you more in the long run

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  • So when you get pregnant and your husband doesn't find your post pregnant body attractive, what should he say? Think of it like that.

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  • If there ever was a strong motivator to get in shape, it would be females. You can guide him subtly or tell him outright, however you are in a unique position to get him in shape, as you can become an extremely potent motivator.

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  • Look, but that's not bad.
    YOU CAN help him change, he can exercice : ) and you can teach him : )

    Yes, it can take some time, but that's a good opportunity to strengthen the relationship.

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  • Tell him to work out a little bit, but how he looks will matter very less when it will come to sexually pleasing you. Though you should raise the issue of working out to him...

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  • get him to work out try hinting how great he would look with a toned bod and how easy it it to work out

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  • Well, you could try to encourage him to get in shape and work out with you...

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  • Tell him this, but at the same time try to point out his good points as well.

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  • Ask him to go for a run/walk with you.

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  • So how about asking him to work out with you?

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  • ... lol. Or you could be like me, good body but shit attitude. Women can't find their unicorn men 😘

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  • Nothing wrong with feeling that way, but did notice his belly before you started dating, right? You set yourself up for failure.

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  • Ask him "do you even lift bro?" Or give him my digits cos he deserve better

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  • Suggest that you two could go to the gym together to get closer and get him on a treadmill 😂

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  • break up with him

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  • as long as you love him, his looks should not be the hold back of your relationships.

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  • Try to change your boyfriend)

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  • Just suggest to him that he come the gym with you. He's more likely to start working out, if he knows he has someone there to support him and all that. If he can't accept doing that, then you really need to rethink your relationship. Also, this proves that women really are just as shallow as men, just needed them to admit it. Kind of knew it all along

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  • Interesting to note is that if a guy was to make a similar thread about his girlfriend, he'd be told how shallow he is and how he should love her for who she is...

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  • not wrong at all. you're attracted to what you're attracted to. No such thing as shallow. just tell him to start working out with you because you love him but not his body. you want to stay with him but he needs to put in the effort for you too. OR, if you don't wanna tell him the truth, tell him you want to live a long life with him and want to see him healthy. the main thing is to reward him working out. give him a hand job or something to keep him motivated. Most men are willing to do anything for love and sex.

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  • get of yur high horse you are no monica bellucci either... .

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  • Exercising together is fun. Also, lets keep in mind, sex burns A LOT of calories for men ;)

    Never been in his position, at least not yet -l ts see what happens when my metabolism slows down, but I'd imagine you will get past this quite easily. Preferences are surprisingly easy to alter.

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What Girls Said 9

  • You can ask him to join the gym with you, I mean its not really offensive. I've told my boyfriend I've noticed a change in him, he's getting softer lol even though he's quite fit, its easy to see the change and he acknowledges it and truly wants to go back to the gym after having a couple weeks off because he knows the gym will make him feel better.

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  • You can't. Either accept it or move on. I really can't relate to this I just have to like his face.

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  • Well physical attraction is really important in a relationship.. Maybe try to politely ask him to work out sometimes? Or just ask him if he wants to join you when going for a run :P

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  • How would you feel if he told you he didn't like your body? Pretty bad right? You love him, and want the best for him? Working out together may be fun for the both of you. My boyfriend and I do it, maybe you guys could too. :)

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  • Not sure what to say to him about it but I honestly think most men are more attractive with clothes on than off

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  • ask him to workout with you.

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  • You love him or his body? If he feels comfortable with his body shape then why u have to tell him to change?

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  • He sounds pretty average, a lot of guys have a belly that sticks out. Just shut the lights off or something, lol. Even if you don't I promise you won't be thinking about his belly in the heat of the moment. Over time you might even find it cute.

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  • Just do doggy and stuff so you don't have to look at him

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