Why do white guys run from hot mixed chicks that approach?

Many thought I was one of the prettiest girls in school. I didn't think so and was relieved to be voted most unique. I didn't have any friends and sat alone at lunch. I was totally embarrassed, super lonely, and starving for some company. I discovered guys were usually really friendly, but inevitably wanted something in return. Many black guys pursued me aggressively. I noticed white guys were different, and always drew a very clear line, so until I traveled to Europe I had the impression that white guys did not find me attractive at all.

So now I'm attracted to white guys, especially tall blonde haired types, with open American cultural mindset, or maybe metropolitan. I'm pretty particular and usually approach the hottest guy, least likely to be interested, probably frat boy, surrounded by mostly white folks (its a way to overcome my highest fears). Sometimes I make a beeline for him, other times I'm more subtle and indirect just trying to get a little closer. I know how to start and hold entertaining conversations, and often find myself in the spotlight. I can make guys laugh and I can really be myself, pretty high energy and sometimes quieter and mysterious. I used to be super shy so I know how to draw others out.

But often the guy doesn't even let me get that far. He just avoids eye contact looking around and finds an excuse to leave. Some will act half-interested like they would rather be anywhere else. I try not to feel snubbed, but sometimes the guys are like 5-6s and a bit out of my league if I was actually serious about them. I don't have to worry about sending mixed signals, since being friendly is often enough to get them interested. But sometimes I try flirting a little bit and it can backfire leaving me mortifyingly embarrassed.

Am I too intense? (I'm an HSP, highly sensitive person) Are people uncomfortable with girls approaching? Is it because they're prejudice deep down? Most importantly, if u were a hot blond guy 8+ would you want me to approach you?

Updates:
I'm bilingual (but not very helpful-unless i wanna snag a blonde swede), play piano, singing, arts, and was always near top of my class. I love witty conversation, engaging and socializing, although it tires me.

I'm Swedish & Black mixed, 5' 4", 120 lbs (or less if I want more defined cheekbones). I wear heels and have long legs. I'm A cup, but decent trunk space :). Facewise, I'm a cross between Carli Bybel and Alicia Keys - before she had surgery.
I wear a size 2 or 4 jeans.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You know, you may not want to hear this... but a lot white guys are afraid of dating non-white girls (or dating at all, for that matter).

    It isn't because they dislike mixed girls, or latinas, or black girls, or anything like that. It's more that white guys are more or less portrayed as villains by most people -- as being privileged, racist, etc. The dating choice a white guy makes is going to undergo scrutiny.

    Date a non-white? Then you get told that you're fetishizing the non-white girl. That you are oppressing her, taking advantage of her. Or that you are "dating down" because you aren't attractive enough to get a white girl (yeah, it's the white girls who say that -- pure racist bullshit).

    People talk negatively about the guy behind his back. It affects his reputation, which in turn can affect his employment/livelihood, etc. He's a white apologist. He's a weak man. He's this, he's that. There's so much stigma that it becomes easier to say "I'm going to avoid all the poisonous backstabbing talk about me by simply avoiding talking to non-white girls."

    The guy gets criticized by non-whites. He gets criticized by whites. At least if he dates a white girl, people "get" that... it's a livable choice, by other people's standards, even if they still think poorly of him.

    Add in a girl approaching, then people are going to say he's a hapless, weak man who took the first girl that threw herself at him. It's unfair for both the man and the woman. But that's the reality.

    Forget all the PC bullshit where girls upvote a guy who says "I'd date interracially." They're just doing that to boost their social status because being PC is the "in" thing. Behind closed doors, they're still racist, and we white guys damn well know it. And it's a damn shame, because a lot of us would like to date non-white girls.

    But if it's going to be such a problem that it can affect your employment (and thus your ability to feed yourself...), then it just isn't worth doing. Some places you can get away with it. But in other geographical locations, you can't.

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    • That said. Don't shy away from trying. There are plenty of guys who are more than willing to date a girl of any race. Not every area is horribly racist. And there's nothing wrong with approaching guys.

      What you are trying is just fine. You're being proactive, and that *will* get you results, eventually.

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    • thanks that is really encouraging. *sniff

What Guys Said 7

  • "I'm pretty particular and usually approach the hottest guy"

    Maybe you are not as attracted as you think you are and are visibly below "the hottest guy"?

    Alternatively you could simply be awkward, too pushy, too old, whatever it is. There are many reasons for why it isn't working and if there is a pattern you would do well if you look for the issue at yourself and not at others.

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    • yeah, i get what you mean by awkward, im not super experienced at this but im a fast learner. Actually you're right, I'm usually older. But when people guess my age they are off by 4-11 years (I'm not bragging and its extremely annoying bc it makes it hard to target my age range of folks). If I put on enough makeup and wear stillettos, it helps a lot. you're probably right in the sense that I mistakenly go for guys I think look like me/my age, but they're a lot younger, and perhaps a bit more immature. thanks your comment was helpful, I'll try to see what I'm doing wrong.

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    • well, actually i normally just wear high heels, not stillettos. It's just that they make me look my age. I don't want easy hookups. honestly, it would just be nice to have a few good looking platonic guyfriends, since I've never had any. It's scary what I don't know about social interactions and I feel that guys could give me a broader perspective. I just thought guys were always the ones saying, hey don't assume I like you just cause I'm talking to you. They never make assumptions, but its like they don't give me the same benefit. Do they feel I'm not the kind of girl that could be platonic, someone their girlfriend would be jealous of? Or maybe guys feel platonic relationships aren't worth the effort...

      but yeah, maybe it would be easier to befriend guys in a more natural easy going setting like at the beach, or when I'm not completely made up. seriously thank you, your comment was really thought provoking.

    • Difficult to say without knowing you. Maybe you are not the type guys can see as a friend for various reasons (too sexual, too girly, etc).

      Still just like girls guys tend to not really know what they want as well. Not as bad as for girls, but it's still there so the insight you get will not necessarily help you.

      Additionally I think quite a key part is you also not knowing what you want. At least it sounds like this. And thus your attempts might appear half-assed to others since you don't have your full heart behind it.

      "seriously thank you, your comment was really thought provoking."

      I am glad it is thought-provoking and not you feeling offended. Speaks for your character.

  • White guys lol when will they learn

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  • I have dated black girls and mixed girls. Color never stopped me so long as I knew that I was getting a quality person.

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  • I'm at a point in my life where I don't care what other people think. Latinas, mixed race, Asians but I've shied away from black women even if I'm attracted. The reason? Many years ago I was being crushed on by my friends beautiful black sister. When he saw that we were spending too much time together I got a talking to. There are many attractive black women that I could probably date. But don't you think you're being just as bad gravitating to tall blonde guys when some of us tall darker haired Italian looking guy's might have more to offer. I dated enough blonde Barbies who were dumb as a box of rocks. Now even haircolor is not important.

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    • You can prefer not dating black women, but I can't prefer blonds? Hypocritical.

      If I had to choose between an amazing dark haired guy and a bland blonde, I wouldn't date either. I'm not gonna date some guy and be like 'Awww honey, you'd be so cute if you just dyed your hair.'

    • You misinterpreted my answer in the past I was concerned about what people thought now I don't I date all races.

    • Oh my bad. I'm glad you could overcome it.

  • Because I don't date black girls or half black girls. Just a preference.

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  • Um, that kinda relationship happens. So yeah :P

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  • Most white guys aren't interested in black girls.

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