Today I was at a drugstore and this blonde tacky girl who works there, decided to follow me around cause she thought I was stealing. I smiled at her and she kept looking dirty at me, she takes her collegeau with her and decided to follow me around, I decided to stay classy and just walk away, I am SICK AND TIRED of the racism, I live down south in Holland and the racism is just getting too much, they keep making comments at workplace, its hard to make friends, I lived here for 23 years and stil can't seem to make friends easily while I am a friendly person. I also dont want to move away because im dont move for others. Or should I just go? I am a black woman by the way, maybe she was just jealous of my looks , she has never seen a pretty black girl before.
I cannot say too much about your situation because I am not there to see it. But I can tell you about mine.
I am from Amsterdam. But I have also lived in UK, Germany, Canada and now Spain. I can tell you right now that in terms of racism Holland is the best place to be.
Me being adopted into a white family gave me the chance to live in two different worlds. I know how black and white people think and what they say about each other. Most of it is incorrect. And most of the time it's because of ignorance and fear. Once a 72 year old woman asked me how I got those curls in my hair, completely not understanding that we are born that way. Racism? no. Ignorance? yes?
I have come across racism everywhere I have been but I always take it as a challenge to show that person that whatever he/she is thinking he/she is wrong. Most of the time I succeed. You could put me at a meeting of the KKK but at the end of the meeting they will all love me. That's my attitude. I'm not talking about sucking up. I'm talking about staying classy like you did and showing people a different side. You may not see the result of it right now but the effects will be seen some day.
There are however also other situations when there is no racist attempt but it's still seen as racism. For example. That person might not think a black girl was stealing something but instead just thought a girl was stealing something.
I have black friends who often think about racism and somehow always run into racism. While the ones that don't think about it never/almost never run into it. I think once you put in into your mind you will come across it and visa versa.
What a lot of people do not realize in life is this: we get what we focus our energy on.
Everyone is going to get disrespected in their life. EVERYONE.
Racism is a form of disrespect. When a person is disrespected, because of their race, their religion, their sexuality, their looks, their income, their height, their political views, their etc etc etc, if that person then chooses to focus a lot on how they were disrespected, repeatedly tells the story of how they were disrespected THEN they will attract more & more disrespect into their life experience.
So what's the solution? The solution is to forgive & let it go in the moment that it happens. Understand that the person doing the disrespecting is doing so from a place of ignorance/fear/pain. So let your "ruffled feathers" relax. Then turn your attention to people who DO respect you. Focus your energy on those occasions where you were treated well. When you think about those people, those occasions... it feels good, yes? Then that is your sign that you are going in the right direction. And the more your focus on people respecting you, the more you will attract respect into your life. Not saying the disrespect will go away completely, but it will get better & better the more you do this.
It could be racism or it could be that you arose suspicion by your mannerisms while shopping, either way a colleague should not be actively following a customer around the store and making it obvious that they feel the customer is trying to shop lift. Most stores have trained security guards for that job.
As a White man I have been stopped and searched by numerous security guards and a vast majority of those guards have been African migrants. Are those men being racist towards me because I'm White or are they just doing their job?
Get them to fetch and carry for you. Oh, im looking for eyeliner. Oh no, thats not the shade, do you have any other shades? Can you reach that one on the bottom shelf? My back is hurting me today. Oh, could you ask your manager if i can get a discount on this bottle? The label is scratched. Could you price check this for me? Could you get me an unopened case of spring water from the back? Oh no, thats the wrong brand, please put it back, I wanted the other brand.
DO you know she thought you were stealing or is that just your assumption because you want to believe that was the reason? Not saying it doesn't happen, but perception and personal hang ups are also a lot of the problem. For example: Imagine a person with social anxiety disorder and they cross the street every time someone approached them... Every person who approached them wouldn't be getting any different treatment but if a person who believed they were always being treated differently walks towards the person and they cross the street then all of a sudden as far as they are concerned it could only be for the reason they are hung up on. "Well that bigot only crossed the street because I was black", etc. Your experience in the store may not have had anything to do with color. Maybe you looked paranoid and it made them think you were up to no good regardless of color.
That's happened to me as a white dude from an Asian shopkeeper.
Racism is alive and well, but remember it isn't exclusive to black people as victims... you have people in other races who have experienced this crap too. You're not alone.
I used to work retail, unfortunately the majority of thieving was done by black people, so it's not racism it's just that you fit the description because other black people are giving you a bad name, it's not your fault and it's not the fault of the assistant following you around, it's the fault of the black people who are stealing. It's like f most people who are robbing stores wear red, you're gonna follow someone who walks in wearing red. This blind crybaby attitude does you no favors.
I'm a white girl and I've had had people eye me when shopping too. I'm not saying I'm somehow getting it as bad as you but the point I want to make it that you know who you are on the inside and that is all that counts. Who cares what that girl things or any other for that matter. They are just ignorant fools and their opinion of you means nothing. It's not even worth anything.
Been there and done that👏. I live in Amsterdam and had the same experience once when shopping in a clothingstore. This tiny lady of maybe 4 ft. tall kept on following me around😒 and I saw that when she'd lost me out of sight she started panicking and looking for me in the store😑
Anyway, I know you said you didn't want to move... but maybe you should consider moving here? There are a lot more foreigners living here so racism is a whole less common than elsewhere in the country where the majority of the people is white.
Holland? i've lived there too (8 years :) ), i think you should be happy you don't live in Finland Dx there's SO MUCH racism here.. omg im always complaining about it to my friends. I had lots of black friends there. Here in Finland, i was shopping with my white friend (i have no black friends here, only white friends + 1 Asian friend ) and we saw a black man. my friend stared at him and i got really irritated by that... i just said that she shouldn't stare at him and that kind of stuff. Even my aunt who is a teacher called black people "niggers" ... im getting sick of it too. Some people just are raised by racist parents and dont understand that every one's the same. So my advice is: dont let it get under your skin :p Doeii :D
"Shopping while black" is a real thing. Sorry you had to encounter that. I know a lot of people like to think it's based on how you "shop" that makes people follow you but at my old job in orientation they told us to pay more attention to ethnic customers because they "steal more" and almost every single time someone got caught for shoplifting it was a Caucasian teen who was "dared". I just happened to had worked in the suburbs.
Do you speak dutch? Waar was dit? This is unacceptable! You can speak up in thes kinds of situations. It is probably because of the refugees right now, but I hope it stops!
I can relate as a black person living in the deep south in the US. Whenever my friends and I go to the high end mall we are relentlessly followed and treated like criminals. One day this lady was so blatantly following us, that I whispered to my friend that we should mess with her. So my friend walked up close to her and I went to the back end, then we quickly switched it up, then we circled around her in circles, we both went to the back, then to the front of the store. It was ridiculous. I'm with the other commenters... if they want to follow you, make them work. Make them get stuff from the top shelf or go look something up or you know actually help you find whatever it is you're looking for or remind them that their store has cameras, and you don't really need two pairs of eyes following you around at all times, when one will do just fine.