Bringing up cuddling vs bringing up sex?

I've noticed something since being on tinder, and during the times I use it. Most guys have mentioned either wanting to cuddle with me, mentioning helping to warm me up by cuddling with me, or telling me to let them know if I ever want to cuddle with them sometime.

Why not just straight up say you want to have sex with a girl? What are they trying to accomplish under the guise of The Cuddle Strategy?

I asked my manager and he said it's 'cause most girls would be put off by a guy straight up saying "Hey you wanna fuck?" But I just... the cuddle thing is cheesy as hell. It's a weak move, but it's apparently a quite common one.

Would you mention cuddling to a girl or are you straight up with what you want and go for the Sex Attack vs The Cuddle Strategy?

  • I go for The Cuddle Strategy
    40% (16)53% (33)48% (49)Vote
  • I go for The Sex Attack
    35% (14)15% (9)23% (23)Vote
  • I use The Cuddle Strategy
    12% (5)19% (12)17% (17)Vote
  • I use the Sex Attack
    13% (5)13% (8)12% (13)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah I can see how a guy would want to say he wants to cuddle vs wanting to have sex. Cuddling may feel less direct or it's less likely the girl would feel like a slut basically. That does sound like a way to try and gain leverage or an advantage lol. I do like to cuddle which can easily lead to sex but I don't have an issue telling my girlfriend that I want sex with her. I just wouldn't stay with a girl that isn't interested in regular sex. I don't want to feel like I'm trying to convince her. The guys on tinder are mostly looking for sex and they don't know you so they are trying to give themselves the best opportunity while trying to minimize offending you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol any dude that said he wanted to cuddle with me was hoping that i was dumb enough to say yes and naive enough to think his intentions were just to cuddle. Which offends me that they would think i was that stupid. :P

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    • since when have you ever had a man over to "cuddle" that you haven't had sex with? he wasn't trying to trick you, he was trying to talk about sex in a more respectful way than "hey, wanna fuck?" :P

    • @jjfrancis lol well a guy told me he liked me then i said i just want to be friends and then he suggested we cuddle when we were friends. He used to come over and chill with me but he suggested the cuddling thing through text smh.

What Guys Said 40

  • I think I am just old school and I probably would not bring up either till I got to know a person - For me the messaging part on a dating site or app like Tinder is the time to get to know the person, establish a connection. Then if we have a connection we can arrange to meet, if we meet and the connection seems true, the relationship will probably get physical without having to voice it.
    I agree that if someone is talking about cuddling in early messages, it would seem like code to me for "I want to F*** you" but if a person comes right out and says "I want to f*** you" it seems way too forward to me. What happened to asking questions about each other, listening to the answers and discussing them while trying to see is there any chemistry between you.

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  • Some prefer cuddling before hand or suggesting it instead of sex, because it's a better chance to warm up to the girl and more subtly suggest stuff, as apposed to straight up saying wanna fuck? it's not really seen as a dominant move it's seen as crass and or arrogant, a douche move basically.

    Men didn't make these rules they just follow em, if you want a guy for sex then make it known, don't hide it, and sooner or later someone will take you up on your offer and you'll finally get laid. Besides you can easily escalate cuddling into other stuff, by suggesting stuff like cuddling naked for instance then going into foreplay, I mean mostly any guy with moderate to even low intelligence will get the hint.

    If I was a different guy from what I am now, (value wise) I'd tell ya I was gonna wine and dine ya then take ya home, and you'd get laid, that's the kind of guy you gotta find, someone who is straightforward in what he want's but still respectful enough to treat you good, after all dominant or not you don't want a guy to treat you like shit even if you are only using him for sex.

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  • There are plenty of guys on Tinder, as well as women, that are not using it just to hook up and fuck. Personally, I never even say the word sex until the woman does. I think it has led me to getting more dates and ultimately sex a lot fast also. By not even joking about sex or typing the word sex, she then knows (maybe just subconsciously) that I am talking to her because I am interested in her, and not just to fuck her. I have found most women bring it up by the 2nd or 3rd day of texting and almost always before we ever meet for a first date. So I cannot answer your poll as I have never just straight up said either. But if I had said cuddling, I would actually mean cuddling and not sex. Since I am not a kid, sex is not the most important thing when trying to date. Having a good woman in my life is the most important thing.

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    • I wonder if that only works on older, more mature women though. I've heard that if you, as a guy, don't bring up sex quickly, she will start to think of you as afraid of being sexual - in otherwords weak, boring, lacking in confidence, and "just a friend" and then you really have an uphill battle to fight.

      Don't take this as an attack on you. I actually agree with you fully, and am that way myself - I too don't like to bring up sex until the woman does. I don't really like blatantly talking about sex a lot in general. I prefer talking about other things and really getting to know someone. I also want to come off as a gentleman, not a shitbag. However, fumbling the ball when a girl has said flirty things to me, has cost me dearly. I just don't know anymore.

  • A lot of guys don't just assume that because the have a di@k swinging that every girl will automatically want at it. Cuddling give an opportunity to work her up to that possibility. Some want that from the start and find it a fare trade off. What you seem to see as deceptive , others see as motivation lol

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  • Well... I'm not one for Tinder. Nor am i one for online dating on any site/app. Nor am i one for casual dating altogether.

    I never really go out with people unless I've been talking to them as a friend for a while. I like to get to know people platonically before pursuing a relationship with them so that i can trust my judgement over their good and bad qualities more so than if i had been blinded by infatuation.

    But if this helps answer your question at all: since i am more on the conservative side, I'd end up cuddling with my partner before I'd end up having sex with her. LONG before actually. But i wouldn't straight up ask "Madame, may i have the pleasure of warming thy lady with my embrace?" You're right, it is cheesy. I cringe at the thought of it. I'd rather be spontaneous.

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  • I'm more for sexual innuendos and inside jokes than saying cuddle unless I say to cuddle naked. But now being married it's more of a let's go in back and fuck.

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  • Probably because they don't want to be seen as inappropriate. I mean, other girls who aren't that open about wanting to be fucked could easily go and report them for sexual harassment or something,

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  • Whenever I say I wanna cuddle a girl I straight up mean cuddling. Big spoon little spoon shit. But maybe I'm weird.

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    • Maybe they straight up mean it too, for all I know. But it makes me lose interest when it's brought up. Like... I don't know. It's like whatever was building just fizzles out on my end.

    • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you can always escalate it. If he says cuddling, then drop naked cuddling, then he'll say something about fondling your tits, and you say rubbing his junk, then before you know it you've gone from cuddling to fucking. Problem solved

    • I don't get anything out of tit fondling, so hopefully he doesn't go that route. But I get what you mean :p

  • Some of us legit just wanna cuddle but you'll getting poked dozens of times before reaching for that pin in the stack

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  • 😭😭 this is what irritates me about women. @teawrecks... YOU missy said to me that a guy shouldn't be direct on tinder for something like casual sex. Remember I asked that..."if a guy just wants to be open and directly put it on his profile, should he do it?" You said no and you would just get to know him and throw it out there somewhere in the conversation. But now you want DiRECT. I get what you saying but us men can't read your underlying wants. Direct or indirect? I'm starting to believe that a top player or natural that fucks heaps of women do nothing more than know how to navigate being direct or non-direct.

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  • "I use the Sex Attack" I'll tell ___ right off the bat " aye I'm tryna fuck sum... wats gud?" LOL.

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  • Neither, I just frame our conversation as if she's chasing me, not the other way around. I wish I could say my strategy worked all the time, but each girl is different.

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  • most girls don't want to straight up admit they want sex.

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  • Sex attack! I see no reason not to make it known that if I like her personality, that i'm going to want to give her sexual pleasure. :)

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  • I just voted something

    Anyway, SOME people just like to cuddle. It's not always an excuse. Some prefer that above sex

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  • I'm the one in a thousand guy that just LOVES cuddling and wouldn't even try for anything else lol

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  • They think they're subtle when they're not. "helping to warm me up by cuddling with me" guys actually say ones like this? Like honestly this is weirder to say than just saying they would like a casual relationship.

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    • I mean they don't word it like that. But I had a guy basically tell me he'd be on standby to be my personal heater if I ever get too cold or something close to that.

    • Respond with that you'll be on standby once he gets a pair of balls that he'll actually use.

  • I actually am lonely and really do want to cuddle. I do not want to have sex with you or anyone else for that matter.

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  • Lots of players more then women think out there. Plus I doubt a women would say yes to a guy who was just direct like that and asked you wanna have sex?

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  • I say what I mean. If I want to cuddle, then I want to cuddle. If I want to fuck, then I want to fuck. There's nothing to read between what I say. Other guys may be different. But I say what I truly mean.

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  • I usually don't do that unless she says something like she is freezing, that's basically a invation for the whole help warm up thing, and it's rather effective in that specific scenario, but other then that, no..

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  • I have always been respectively direct with women if I want sex with them. They like the confidence it shows

    Nice new pic by the way- very sexy:P

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  • I'd feel silly pretending like I didn't want to fuck a girl I were talking to, so I'll be upfront about it.

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  • If you're a girl you can go for sex, if you're a dud you have to go for cuddle and hope for the best... double standards suck haha

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  • Dafuq you got against cuddling?
    O. o
    o. O
    o. o

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    • I want a dick in my vagina, Nate.

      I mean I guess I'm ok with cuddling afterwards but I want a guy who is dominant as fuck and tells me how much he wants to fuck me.

      Not some submissive dude who tells me how much he wants to cuddle me.

    • Show All
    • I think you're referring to the feminazis and not feminists and we might have a problem in our friendship if you're referring to feminists and not just feminazis.

    • I think if you want to keep your movement viable you need to address the feminazis that have more clout in the movement, media, and public at large than anyone who says "they aren't really feminists."
      Call yourself a feminist, call them feminazis, but recognize that they are representative of feminism to the general public.
      That's why egalitarianism is better ;)

  • I wouldn't ask a bitch if we could cuddle that's pretty fuckin lame but I also wouldn't be like yo bitch let's fuck tonight either

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  • I'd rather cuddle with a woman I loved than sleep with a woman I didn't.

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  • Go for the sex blitz!

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  • I say be straightforward. Otherwise you end up cuddling when that's not what you want it do

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  • Hard to touch a woman without wanting to have sex, all i know.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well, if my boyfriend uses this cuddle strategy, I wouldn't be too upset-because I love him and being intimate with him.
    But if a guy I had never had sex with or had recently started dating tried to wiggle his way into sex, I would loose a little respect. I think the first time should be relaxed, but after reading this, I would be off put if someone had to resort to this to get sex. It should be spontaneous but direct. He can just say he's ready. That would be hotter, if I knew he wanted sex and we would have sex when I was ready. And if I was already ready, then it would happen. This is better to me than a strategic cuddle session.
    I approach sex with my boyfriend by many means. But that's because we have had sex already. And he cuddles with him to cuddle. He's said to me that he wants to cuddle, no sex. And he emphasizes that. So, I don't get why guys would be so shy about it.
    I think the first time, intentions should be obvious.

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  • why dont you just directly say you want sex, instead of getting frustrated with what they are not saying?

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    • what a novel idea

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    • Because I'm also not going to just fuck any guy, I kind of need to know him a little it first. And I can't get to the stage of knowing him as well as I'd like to fast enough apparently.

    • well get to know him. f he brings up cuddling just say your not into that, and continue getting to know him. if he's really into it he may lose interest but thats ok bc you're not into him. and if he's not really into it then he won't mind if you're not and hell keep talking.

      so dont worry just be honest:)

  • I know! We know what you mean! As if when there's a bed and a vagina in it, the main thing you think of is cuddling c'mon. But then again maybe the cuddle strategy works if they're still doing it

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    • "But then again maybe the cuddle strategy works if they're still doing it"

      Or they've never had success with any strategy... :P

  • This may come as a shock to you, but sometimes guys actually enjoy the cuddling the most.

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  • Lmao is like guys think we don't see past that shit. It is weak and I never buy it

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