Avoiding a relationship w/a guy who makes himself seem better then he is?

A couple of months post break up, I am ready to date again. I got my heart really broken by my ex who pretended to be the ideal guy. I was also dumb not to pick up on the red flags. When I met my ex he portrayed himself as a hard working/ambitious/interesting/caring guy. There were little signs along the way but about 4-5 months it hit me that he was actually lazy/completely unambitious/pretty boring and actually pretty egotistical. I thought that since he lived on his own and worked to support himself, he was a guy that was marriage material, someone that could contribute to raise a family. Outside of work he is super lazy, dirty dishes in his room, ordering easy to cook food etc. I was always doing things for him and he would barely lift a finger. If there was anything he didn't like about what i did he would freely share that w/me, but if I was unsatisfied I couldn't bring it up because that would hurt him. I got fed up w/feeling guilty. How do you not fall in love quickly before finding out who the person really is?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds cold but I suggest keeping yourself at a small distance from the outset. Do a little weighing and analyzing while learning more about this person. What you found in that guy is not uncommon; they present themselves as one thing to get the girl and then it turns out they're something else. Of course, women do this, too; this is very similar to what happened with me and my ex.

    The key is to sort of find little details as you progress. See if you can determine who the real person is underneath the facade. Keep asking questions of yourself and him... it's the easiest way to stave off the head-over-heels syndrome. ;) Then, after you've successfully answered your questions, feel free to lose your heart and give it another go.

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    • I'm not just blaming men, I know that a lot of people do this, girls included.

What Girls Said 1

  • You take it slow, you listen to your heart and you ask questions. You can usually tell if someones lying when their words don't follow along with your actions. Then again not everyone is like him and you can't base your future on your past (: x

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    • Yeah I know not everyone is like that. There were days where he would tell me that he is going to explore career options and ended up never doing it. After the first couple times I knew he would never follow through. This is when I should have discussed it w him.

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