What's your thoughts on a 19 year old in love with a 42 year old?

I'm not really sure if it's just like a little crush that's going to go away or what. But literally every time we talk I get butterflies and that just brings me back to middle school years and stuff. He's super sweet and mature and we have a lot in common believe it or not. I know that to a lot of people the age difference is probably really frowned upon and I also have thoughts on how weird it would be if it was someone else in this situation. There's just something about him though. I look forward to talking to him everyday. We have hungout twice and the second time we went a little too far. Now I just feel like I really love him. But I also feel so wrong about it all. So what's your thoughts? It's a mess.

Updates:
My dad and I aren't the closest, but I don't have daddy issues. I have brothers that set good boundaries and they are good role models and they have shown me what type of men to look for. I can assure you that I don't have "daddy issues"

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. Society has its stigmas. racism, religious and at ageist or am society based judgmental dislikes. These boundaries are being pulled down but slower than bomo phobia.
    Desire and sex helps break all these ridiculous man made berries down.
    I have enjoyed many relationships with a similar age gap as you describe. Some younger women have a greater mental maturity and desire to be with an older guy. They all so give more respect to women and when it comes to sex many of this sort of women find it very loving careing and rewarding in a way not felt with younger men. The ability to be taught and have the knowledge of his experience passed in in a respectful full way and Jon judgmental way.

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    • I disagree. I hate the stereotype that somehow older men treat women better.

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    • @Bbboorriinnngggg 'Passionate'? About advocating relationships between a 19 year old and a man old enough to be her father? That sounds more loserish to me.

    • Hey, hey! I am a girl who only feels attracted to older men, stop being so judgmental.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I doubt it is "love"
    You are crushing. The age gap really is very big. He could be your dad and of course this immediately brings up "oh she's got daddy issues"
    I don't know if that is the case, but bottom line is, you are 19. Legally an adult and free to do, or not do, whatever the fuck you want.
    If you want to hang out with this man, why not. Just don't expect too much out of it. Chances for this to go anywhere are very slim. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. In the mean time, have fun and don't give a shit about what other people might think really.

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What Guys Said 15

  • There's nothing wrong with having these feelings, but be aware he isn't likely to reciprocate. He'll only look on you as a quick affair... if he look at you seriously at all.

    Not to mention, he certainly has baggage--wife, ex-wife, girls friends his own age--that will RESENT any attention he gives to you. REALLY resent it!Possibly children near or at your age as well, and THEY will resent you also.

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  • I don't know the exact age, but my aunt married a guy in his early 40s when she was 19. They were in love. They stayed married until he died. He was much older so she was relatively young when he died. But she never remarried and only dated a few times. She continued loving him until she died in her late 80s. Then she was buried alongside him.

    BUT. That is not normal. I wouldn't recommend it without recommended a lot of caution. Just because it works sometimes, doesn't mean the odds are good.

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  • Usually not a good sign at all. I just hope it's just a passing phase for you. There are exceptions, but usually such relationships with huge age gaps aren't healthy.

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  • I know love is not logical, but here in this case and according this is an illogical match, means I can see no logic in the 19 year old being in love with someone who is 42 years old, and yes I have my reasons as well.

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  • Not my problem. Maybe she's going through a daddy phase or something, but it's not really for me to judge or decide. If that's what she thinks love is, then whatever, she's legal enough to make her own choices. In any case, love is a crazy thing and who's to say that they're not right for each other any how? How would any of us know what you two feel for one another.

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  • Having good relationships with your brothers doesn't mean you don't have daddy issues. And it's very very very common for girls who do have daddy issues to like much older men.

    That fact that you say you and your father are not the closest points to the idea you likely do have those issues. That's not to say that they control you or that's the only reason you like this older guy. But there's a correlation whether you see it or not.

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    • Eh yeah I can see where you're coming from, but really in my case I don't have any problems with my father figure enough that I like older guys. It's not a lot of older guys, this is a one time thing. I don't just go seeking older guys

  • I think it's too much of an age gap. The 19 year old may feel she's mature, has a lot in common with someone far beyond on her years but in truth this couldn't be further from the truth.

    It's one thing to have a crush on an older man, but it's quite another to actively pursue relations with the older man. I think you should stop this before this ends up being yet another dating car accident but that's on you.

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    • Yes you're society only accepts younger girls dating younger guys that beat the crap out of them pass off diseases and get them pregnant. Older guys that have more respect to offer them isn't healthy to black eyes and abandoned relationships with children left behind.

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    • As well as I. Open your mind a little because trust me what you sow is what you reap and opening your mind it will make things better for you when you get older and you are in fact getting older each and every day.

    • @ThisAndThat I'm sorry when I am 56, I don't think I'd ever pursue a 19 year old. If other guys that age want to that's on them.

  • Let him fuck you once.

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  • I don't see any problem in it. You both are adults and capable enough to make decisions. Age is just a number in my opinion when two completely mature are involved in a relationship

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  • Did you have father issues?

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  • ITS NOT WORTH IT
    The dude gonna be all broke down and ain't gonna want to do anything by the time he 50/60 years old

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    • Right never mind any good years in between make it about only yourself and run for the hills.

  • Sounds a little predatory if you ask me.

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  • it'll bite you in the ass

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  • I read a statistic that marriages actually have a better chance of success the older the man is in relation to the woman.

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  • you like older men nothing wrong with that and is very natural, as long as you are legal there is no problem no matter what other people say

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What Girls Said 7

  • Ahh yeah sorry that age gap is pretty big :/

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  • I think you should proceed with caution!

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  • I personally think it's silly. You two are in complete different life stages and if a 42 year old can find common ground with a 19 year old then something is very much wrong somewhere..

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    • You're implying that his age versus her age having things in common is somehow wrong. But yes in a why you're right something is very wrong somewhere or should I say someone is very wrong somewhere and that's happens to be you.

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    • There is no common ground. He has learned to speak her language in order to get her panties off. I'm 43. I can't begin to talk to someone 18-24 with any common ground. But, if she needs this, he isn't going to kick her out of bed. Let her work out her issues if she needs to. This isn't that uncommon, just don't expect it to be long term.

  • Honesty, he's old enough to be your dad, it'll never work.

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    • If I had to wage a bet I would bet he's not her dad at all so why should it matter?

    • @ThisAndThat I didn't say he was, I just think there's a much smaller chance it'll work out then if she dated someone closer to her own age

    • What are the chances guy her own age wouldn't work out either?

  • It is a mess, but you can't help who you fall for, but do you really see yourself with someone old enough to even be your grandpa, you can have feelings for him but don't act on them

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  • I feel like you need to get out of the situation asap!!

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  • Some fortysomethings can look really young. As long as it's legal, you can date whatever you want. Actually, you can date minors too, it's legal if you don't have sex, but you wouldn't want to.

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