How do I proceed with a wary woman?

My first date with this woman (divorced, one kid) was fantastic. Next nite she phoned and we talked for 4 hours. She invited me to her house next day. But suddenly she seemed wary. I asked her out again; but read her cues that she was uncertain. She invited me to hers for afternoon tea. She rang that nite and told me she thought we should just be friends, but if I needed a partner for a dinner party etc, she'd come. It was a 2 hour call (in which she said she had been sexually assaulted many years back). I asked if I could interview her child for an article. She was quick to say yes.

When I left she said, 'I'll see you later'. I have not made any physical approach since she said the friends thing. So, am I right in taking my time and not forcing anything? Should I now wait for her to call me or should I continue to ask her out? I want to respect her wishes but I think she may be just nervous about getting into something. Am I right?


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What Girls Said 1

  • First of all, it might depend a lot on how long she's been divorced. If it's less than a year, she's probably still recovering.

    If it's been a while, then it could still be fear. I split up with my ex 2. 5 years ago and it's only in the past year - or even a bit less - that I've really been able to see myself in a new relationship. It was not a good marriage, and an even worse break-up, so it took me a long time to recover from it.

    Now, I am very cautious. I am friendly and flirtatious, but very careful. I have not been seriously involved with anyone since my ex because I am just really taking my time to get to know the guy first. Also, I don't put up with any bs.

    All this to say, she may be feeling the same way as me. She could like you a lot but be afraid of going too fast. If you had a date, then talked 4 hrs the next night, then she invited you over the day after - that's pretty intense. It may well be too much too soon.

    Her letting you interview her child is a big plus, IMHO. As a mother, I would really have to trust someone to allow that.

    I would suggest that you tell her you're okay with being friends first. You could add that you are open to seeing where it goes, but it might put too much pressure on her. I'm not sure - you don't want to fall into the "friends trap. " But she knows you're interested, so hopefully that won't happen.

    I'm actually in kind of a similar situation. I've met a really great guy now, but we are just friends because he's still dealing with some legal issues re. His divorce. He has told me he has to get that out of the way before he starts anything new. So I am (impatiently) waiting. But at the same time, not closed to other opportunities because I don't know for sure where this will go. I'd suggest the same for you.

    Best wishes!

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