Veterans and relationships?

I am a Marine combat veteran that served in Afghanistan and saw my share of war while deployed. Although I feel fine throughout my days at home now, I have some anxiety, nightmares, and difficulty sleeping. Since I've been out of the miitary, I have dated a few woman that were aware of my militiary service and I never really had to explain too much to them about my situation. However, I am currently seeing a woman that seems to really like me a lot, but also seems to be a little on the fence about my time in the military and time served overseas. Her initial attraction to me was because of my military service, and I appretiate her liking of it. But yesterday she said something that was a little hurtful.

As a combat veteran, I can be a little jumpy and easily startled at times. She happen to startle me by accident yesterday and thought it was a little funny, although i did not at all and found my heart to be racing a thousand miles a minute. She eventually asked me if it was funny or not and I said no, it really wasn't. She then said, "I can tell your going to be difficult to deal with." It was when she said that that I got a little offended and thought it was rude. I then tried to get a straight answer out of her and what she meant. It was a bit of a struggle, but what i got from her was that ,"I was different from civilian guys." And the only thing she really backed that up with was that my body is a little worn down from carrying so much gear over the years. But really, I think she may have meant more than that. From there I got really upset, dissapointed, angry almost. I thought, "Would it really be that difficult to 'deal with me'?"

So my question is, are there any other combat veterans out there that have had similiar situations happen to them?


What Girls Said 2

  • First, and most important, thank you for your service to our country.


    "Her initial attraction to me was because of my military service"

    Dude, if I were you this would already be a red flag, IF this were the INITIAL attraction.
    If she took this for a sign of stability-- like "good with commitment, therefore good partner"-- then different animal. But that isn't what you wrote. You wrote initial attraction.

    I've... met a few of these girls. They hang out where basic trainings and graduations end, etc. They line the streets, a lot of them are pretty much just looking for prey.

    Really, prey. It's not pretty.

    Some of them are good people, but a lot of them are unscrupulous assholes, like the payday lenders you see in military towns. Fucking sharks, trying to suck what they can, out of a captive audience. Morally bankrupt. It's outrageous.

    Really, be careful with "initially attracted to military guys". That might just be "I like a man in uniform", BUT, it also might be "I know exactly how to manipulate the court system and empty a man's bank accounts when he is deployed".

    You're not active duty anymore, so it isn't quite the same, but, still. The motives, they are not always pure. Be careful.

    If I were you, I'd walk. You were in Afghanistan, for Christ's sake. You couldn't drive 2 feet without wondering whether you'd get a fucking leg blown into the sky by an IED, and this bitch wonders why you might be "a little jumpy".

    She wonders.


    Not acceptable. That's just not acceptable, not at all. Not even sort of.

    I have 2 brothers in the Corps, and, look, dude, I don't care if it's 40 years from now and I'm living halfway around the world, if they have some sort of relapse, I'll jump on the first fucking plane to take care of them, and their kids, and whatever.

    Fuck that.

    Semper fi.

    • Thank you for your response.
      Well to include a few more details, we met on militarycupid, dating site for military. We met there, started talking, started hanging out, and things have been pretty good. We live an hour away from each other and she drives over to spend her weekends with me. For the most part, her actions have been pretty positive. She just mentioned to me that she likes a man in uniform, and considering I'm out of the military, there really isn't anything she can drain from my bank account. She seems to really like me, but it was her comment about how its going to be difficult to deal with me bugged me a lot. When I finally got her to open up about what she meant, she just said that she worries about my back, knees, ankles, and everything else that got hurt while serving, and that she is just thinking of her future and what would happen if any of that pain got worse over time. I feel there is more to it than just that though.

    • Show All
    • Just follow the two basic rules of life: Pay attention, don't be stupid.

      It can be hard to do these things when you are in sweet luuuvvvv. But, do them.
      Don't not do them.

      Good luck.

      And you better check back in here, y'hear?

    • thank you very much, sounds good

  • I'm not a combat veteran but I think that what she said was very insensitive to your feelings!!! Cut the bitch off asap👍


What Guys Said 1

  • I'm not a veteran but my grandpa was and I have buds who are marines.

    I'd ask her does she really understand PTSD and if not explain it. If she doesn't change how she acts after that it's time to move on.