Going out with someone after they just got out of a relationship?

I've been seeing this girl for a bit and she explained to me that the reason she was behaving a bit strange lately is because she just got out of a relationship and isn't looking for anything full on. She's looking for a bit of fun and to keep things light. I told her that it's too early for anything full on to come out of it cos I don't know her that well. She hasn't replied yet. I wanted to ask, does this mean she's after a friendship or just something physical cos she doesn't seem to have a problem kissing me. By the way, I didn't initiate the interest since she got my number of a mate of mine.

Lately I've been finding that I've been initiating the calling. Now I'm thinking of stopping contact with her and let her call, though she seems keen to see me. The breakup was like last dec and she doesn't think of him that fondly either cos he's an ahole


Most Helpful Guy

  • Fun and light I think means no strings and no commitment. Kissing is not necessarily an indication that it will get real physical. But if that is what she had in mind, and she thinks you need to know her better first, then watch out for her to look in another direction. How long since you told her that? What I would do when these things are mentioned, is ask her for more details. What does she mean by strange and full on? What does she call fun and light? You just want to know where the boundaries are. If she wants physical, she may not hesitate to say so - or at least give clues. The right questions can get the conversation really warmed up. Others want you to figure it out or take the initiative. You can experiment to find out, like If you dance in a club, how close does she like to get? If you dance in a setting outside a club what happens? Does she let you take her out and then flirt with other guys? I guess a lot depends on what you mean by really knowing her. If you're concerned she will use you and then disappear, then take it slow. If you don't mind taking a risk that you could get attached, then do subtle things to get her to forget her rules. When she got your number was anything said then? How does she dress? Does she like public places or getting away from them? Watch for signs that she's trying to make someone else jealous.

    • Umm well she didn't get my number off me. Just knew a mate of mine that went to school with her and we were all at this irish pub. Sometimes she'll wear a jumper or something slightly more revealing. I have been to her house once but I didn't want to take it physical there cos she was a bit sick and at other times it's been at a laid back public setting. Now that I found out what happened with the ex and all that, I just don't feel I should be getting physical that soon.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It means that you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. She's vulnerable. A. Nd isn't in the mood in getting to know 1 specific guy right now. If anything it will turn into a FWB thing. But no strings attached. If your looking for a relationship. You won't get it once you get into that FWB thing. I think you should just be friends without the benefits and seek other chicks elsewhere till she moves on from her ex.

    • I actually told her that I will not be used as a rebound and that if she still had feelings for him that we could not take it further. Unless she's lying about the touchy "feelings" part, otherwise it seems pretty genuine cos she had a bit of laugh when I mentioned it.

    • Still, be friends without the benefits and don't let her jerk you around or play you for a fool. See other chicks and make sure she knows it!

What Guys Said 2

  • Well if she is not being clear about her interests, just play along until it does not benefit you. Do not actively seek to take advantage of her emotionally weak state, but if she has no aversion to the physical activity she is doing then don't worry, it is her problem. Stop thinking about it so much and just roll with it.

  • Dude, she just broke up with her EX and you are already kissing her. Didn't you ever think for once that maybe she may still miss the guy and imagines you as him when she kisses you. I would wait at least 6 months before kissing her. Let the thought of her EX escape her mind before you become intimate with her on any level.

    • Lol I kissed her b4 I found out that the break-up was recent.